One night only
by Shirley007
Summary: A lifetime crush on her part leads to a drunken one night stand. She's left with a baby, while he goes overseas. What happens when he returns five years later? J/B at first, will be E/B AH
1. Chapter 1 : Prologue

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight**

**So the majority had voted for this story and I always keep my promises.**

**Summary : Bella has been in love with Edward, Alice's older brother and the biggest player in the town of Forks, for as long as she can remember. One drunk night leads to a one night stand, that will change her life forever. As Edward goes overseas, she is left behind with a baby. What happens should he come back to Forks five years later?**

**Characters and their ages :**

**Bella Swan : 22 **

**Edward Cullen : 23**

**Alice Cullen : 22**

**Emmett Swan : 23**

**Tanya Denali : 23**

**James Harvey : 24**

**Jasper Hale : 25**

**Rosalie Hale : 21**

**Catherine Swan : 4**

**Alright, here goes :)**

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**BPOV**

I sighed heavily as I handed my finished column over to Rosalie, not so subtly checking my watch as I cursed inwardly at the fact that I was going to be late again.

Rosalie noticed my impatient behaviour and put a comforting hand on my arm as she looked up to me with her big blue eyes, so unlike her brother's who had gorgeous green eyes I could get lost in every second of the day.

"Don't worry Bells, I already called your father and he's picking up Cat from school today." She said as she came me a comforting grin and then turned her focus onto the page in front of her. I always asked Rosalie to look over my work for me, since I tended to get lost in my writing and overlooked silly mistakes in grammar or spelling.

Rosalie wrote the obituaries, since she was still attending college and only worked at the paper part-time. Her brother, Jasper Hale was the editor of our local newspaper and although he was barely 25, he was a very just and righteous boss.

Ofcourse, I might be biased since I had been in a loving relationship with the man for over three years.

I can still remember the day I came to apply for this job. I had been a nervous wreck, since I hadn't the degrees one usually required for this kind of position. I almost didn't come but Alice, my best friend ever since kindergarten told me to just go for it.

She said she had a good feeling about this job and when Alice mentioned feelings, you knew you had to listen. She believed herself to have some precognitive power that gave her these gutfeelings. So reluctantly I had walked into the building that would become like my second home over time.

**Flashback**

"_How may I help you, miss?" An overly tanned blonde asked as she inspected her nails. I could feel anger building inside of me at her display of superiority, but squashed it down quickly._

"_I have an interview with Mr. Crane at three. Isabella Swan." I said as I returned the favor and refused to look at her, keeping my eyes fixed on the big clock hanging just above her bleached head._

_She made some sort of noise in the back of her throat and then pressed a finger to the speed dial on her phone._

"_A miss Swan to see you, Sir." She said in a highpitched tone of voice that made me cringe and wonder if my ears were bleeding from her inhuman screeching._

"_Certainly, Sir." She said more calmly now and I thanked the heavens above that my eardrums would live to see another day._

"_He's been expecting you. Second door on the right." She said as she motioned me in._

_I strode confidently down the hall, the sound of my heels muffled by the plush grey carpet that had a beautiful luxurious tint to it. The soft blue walls somehow more inviting than most bussiness places I had frequented lately. _

_As I got to the second door, I hesitated for a moment. The glass door had obviously alerted Mr. Crane to my presence, - even though you could not see through the glass I was fairly certain my profile however would have been visible, - since the door opened abruptly._

_I must have looked like a deer caught in the headlights, but I managed to compose myself quickly and strode into the office._

"_Miss Swan." He smiled as he politely shook my head and indicated for me to sit down._

"_I was very impressed with the piece you sent in about the law enforcement in our small town. I just had to meet you." He said, before we went into finer details regarding the job._

_When he asked me about my degree, I told him honestly that I had finished my high school online due to an unexpected pregnancy and that I had not had the finances nor the time to pursue a higher education. To my surprise he believed me capable enough to handle this job and I got to write the obituaries. We shook hands and with a smile I left his office, bumping into Jasper as I turned to head down the corridor._

"_Whoa there, darlin'." He drawled as he held me by the arms to keep me on my feet and all common sense left my head as soon as I heard that sexy southern drawl._

_I blushed furiously as I looked shyly up at him from underneath my lashes and he smirked at my obvious starstruck state of mind._

"_Jasper Hale, sports journalist." He said as he released me and held out a hand to shake._

"_Bella Swan, obituaries." __I replied, shaking his hand firmly and smiling widely at the prospect of starting my job on Monday._

_End Flashback_

Crane retired the following year and Jasper got promoted by the board. His first act as my boss was to promote me to write my own column. So like I said, he was the perfect boss, but I might be biased.

"It looks alright to me." Rosalie's voice snapped me out of my reverie and I nodded eagerly.

"Lunch tomorrow?" She called out as I headed towards Mr. Hale's office for final approval.

"Sure, my treat this time." I answered as I looked over at Rosalie who was already zipping up her coat, excited to get out of here and do whatever single 21 year olds did these days.

I knocked politely on his door as I waited for him to call me in, but heard nothing.

I pressed my ear to the glass in an attempt to make out what he was doing that made him leave me standing here like this.

I didn't hear his voice though, so I could already eliminate the possibility that he was on the phone. No shuffling of feet, no sounds of papers getting ruffled. I pressed my ear even closer to the glass, ignoring the slight sting in my cheek from the cold and ofcourse the amount of pressure I was putting on it.

"Miss Swan?" Jasper's voice made me jump and I whirled around much too fast for someone with my clumsy feet. Ofcourse, like always Jasper was there to catch me and he steadied me easily, before opening his door and guiding me into his office.

"What were you doing out there, darlin'?" He chuckled as he sat down in his big leather chair.

I shrugged and hid my face behind my hair in embarrasment as my face heated up.

"I've finished my column, Sir." I said politely as I placed it on his desk in front of him and sat down in one of the less comfortable chairs in his office, right across from him.

He scanned over it quickly, not really reading it as usual and smiled widely.

"I'm sure it's brilliant as always." He said, before getting to his feet and making his way over to me. His eyes were already hooded as he walked puposely over to me with the movements of a predator. I was so mesmerized by him that he left me no time to protest as his lips came crashing down on me. His lips molded to mine perfectly, but as his tongue asked for entrance I pulled away.

"I do believe it was your idea to maintain this fine line between bussiness and pleasure, Mr. Hale." I said as I swallowed thickly at the sight of his darkened green eyes boring into mine.

He seemed to be battling himself for a while and then finally squared his shoulders and took a step back.

"Indeed, miss Swan. Now, I do believe we have concluded our bussiness here. I'll see you tomorrow." He dismissed me and as I looked back I noticed him adjusting himself.

A smile lit up my face as I thought of how I was responsable for that and with the same big smile I left the building to go pick up my little girl.

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**So, I hope you guys like it.**

**For those Edward fans, don't worry.**

**It'll become E/B later in the story.**

**Reviews please.**

**Love,**

**Shirley**


	2. Chapter 2 : Dream

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight**

**Wow so many alerts and reviews in my mailbox. **

**You guys rock!**

**Today was my birthday, so I'll try and write you an extra long chapter to celebrate :)**

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**BPOV**

I didn't bother knocking as I walked through the door of my childhood home. The first thing I heard was ofcourse the television, soon followed by a disappointed grunt from my father.

I peeked my head around the corner to find him sitting by his lonesome, a beer in hand and making crude gestures at the TV.

My brow furrowed as I scanned the room in search of my daughter, but she wasn't there.

I could feel my heart start to race and panic gripped me as I stepped in front of my father and blocked the television from his view.

"You forgot about Cat?" I asked as I stared him down. My dad smiled softly and then pointed a finger towards the ceiling, indicating that she was upstairs.

I let out a breath I hadn't realised I had been holding and ran up the stairs toward my old room.

I creaked the door open gently as the silence alerted me to the fact that my baby might be sleeping and sure enough as I poked my head through the door, she was vast asleep. She was lying in a foetus position with her brown hair sprawled across the pillow. I was sad for a moment that those gorgeous emerald eyes were closed since my Cat, just like her father had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. Some people get attracted to a firm behind or a lot of muscles, but I always had a thing for eyes. Gorgeous green eyes to be exact.

I tiptoed down the hall to my brother's room and knocked gently.

I heard a muffled reply from my brother and opened the door, only to avert my eyes hurriedly and nearly gagging at the sight that met my eyes.

Emmett sat against the headboard on his bed, naked as the day he was born while playing video games.

"Em, for the love of God, cover yourself up!" I exclaimed as I kept my eyes on the wall behind me and away from my naked sibling.

I heard his pausing his game and getting up from the bed, followed by the soft rustling of fabric as he pulled on a pair of pants not bothering to put on some boxers.

"Sorry sis, you know I like some room for Macho to breathe." He said as I turned around and met his eyes with a disapproving glare.

"What if Cat had woken up and walked in here?" I asked in a tone that told him not to test me like this again. At least he had the decency to look ashamed as he hung his head and nodded.

I wanted to say more, but my cell phone rang and the sentence 'saved by the bell' came to mind as I looked at the caller ID and a soft smile tugged at the corners of my mouth.

"Hey baby." I said as I turned away from Emmett for a moment to create some sense of privacy.

"_Hey darlin'. I was wondering why you weren't home yet and to tell you I already picked up some Chinese food for tonight." _Jasper's voice had me melting as he unleashed the full strenght of his drawl on me and my anger towards Emmett vanished like snowflakes in the sun.

"I'll be home as soon as Cat wakes up. It shouldn't be too long." I said as I walked down the hall, closing Emmett's bedroom door behind me.

"_Alright, darlin'. I'll see you guys soon then. Love ya." _Jasper drawled some more and I could feel my insides starting to burn as he said the last endearment in a husky tone of voice that had me shivering in no time.

"Love you too, baby." I said as I ended the call and peeked inside my old room again.

Cat had turned and was now lying on her back with her arms open wide, effectively taking use of the entire bed. I glanced at my watch and noticed it was already half past five. If I didn't wake her then she wouldn't be able to get to sleep at eight and she would be a mess in the morning.

"Cat?" I whispered as I stroked her cheek lovingly. Her brow furrowed a little and her bottom lip jutted out in a pout as she made a reluctant sound in the back of her throat.

"Sweetie, you need to wake up now." I said softly as I smoothed out the crinkle between her brows with my finger. She groaned and blinked several times, before looking over at me.

"Mommy? Is it time to get ready for school?" She croaked, her voice still thick with sleep.

"No sweetie, but it's time to go home. Daddy has gotten some Chinese food. Aren't you hungry, sweetie?" I asked in an attempt to get her up and at it much quicker.

She nodded fervently as she got up from the bed and smoothed out the crinkles in her cute little dress. I chuckled from behind her and as she reached the door, she waited for me to take her hand. We walked hand in hand over to Emmett's room, where she instantly let go of me and ran towards the big oaf, launching her small frame into his big open arms and giggling as he peppered her face with kisses.

"I'll see you soon, munchkin." Emmett said as he finally released her and Catherine nodded her head eagerly. Cat absolutely adored my brother and who could blame her. The guy had the same level of maturity as my 4 year old.

Charlie had already heard the commotion and was waiting for us at the front door.

"Pumpkin, are you ready to go home?" My dad asked as he helped her into her coat and then pulled her bonnet on her head. She nodded eagerly as she started waiving her arms in the air.

"We are eating Chinese food, gramps and daddy is waiting, so we have to go home. Because daddy can't live without his two special girls and I am also his special girl like mommy. I can't stay here because daddy would be so sad, but you can come pick me up tomorrow. Right, mommy?" We both watched her with a small fond smile during her enthused speech and I nodded at her which earned me a little squeal and then she hugged my father as if her life depended on it.

"Alright, pumpkin. I'll see you tomorrow then." My father said as he rubbed the back of his neck ackwardly.

Cat run out towards the car as I yelled after her to slow down and then she crawled into her carseat, lifting an eyebrow at me for being so slow as she waited for me to buckle her in. As the seatbelt fastened, I got into the driverseat and we were on the way home.

The entire drive home she talked about school, her teachers and some of her friends. I loved to hear my daughter talk, she was always so optimistic and enthused about everything, but then again most children are. Only most children aren't mine and everything my little girl did was magical in my eyes.

We turned up the driveway and I pressed the button for the garage. As I parked my car, Jasper came rushing into the garage and quickly unbuckled Cat, taking her in a big hug. Tears still stung my eyes each time I saw the love he had for my little girl, a girl that wasn't his but he considered her his daughter in every possible way.

As Cat ran inside the house, he sauntered over to me and kissed my lips softly.

"Hey darlin', how was was work?" He asked as he pinched my ass, making me yelp.

Sometimes I thought he really went a little overboard with keeping bussiness and pleasure separated.

"It was just fine." I said as I pushed him in front of me to avoid any more pinching from him.

We ate in silence, except for the ten minutes Cat started whining for a lifesize doll.

"But what would you do with a doll that's as big as you?" Jasper asked as he ran his big hand through her tangled locks from her earlier nap.

"I'd play with her." Cat said as she gave him a look that said 'Are you stupid or something?'.

"But how would you play with her? You wouldn't be able to carry her around all the time if she's that big." Jasper said as he sneakily passed off some of his rice to Cat, but I had seen it anyway and I glared at him, which made him move it back to his plate.

While Cat seemed to be thinking that one over, Jasper swooped in for the kill.

"You know, I think you'd have a lot more fun with two regular sized dolls than one of those. How about I get you two of those tomorrow?" He mused and Cat's face lit up like a candle as she attacked his arm and hugged it with all her strenght.

"Really daddy?" She asked with her big doe eyes hopefully staring up at him.

He melted visibly as he smiled at her and nodded, his eyes sparkling as he stared back at her.

"Oh mommy, daddy is getting me two dolls. Not one, but two!" She exclaimed as she held up two fingers.

"I know, sweetie. I heard." I said curtly, not really pleased with Jasper and the fact that he could never resist giving Cat anything her heart could wish for.

I had never been spoiled as a child and I worried a lot if she might turn out a little too greedy and selfcentered because of it.

After dinner, Jasper cleaned the dishes as I settled down on the couch with Cat in my lap.

She had chosen to watch 'the little mermaid' again and I could already feel myself drifting off.

"How 'bout you and me go play with your doll house for a while?" I heard Jasper's voice vaguely as I was almost entirely asleep.

"And mommy?" Cat's soft voice sounded as she shifted in my lap.

"Mommy's tired. We should let her sleep for a bit, alright princess?" Jasper said and then her weight was lifted off of me and I fell into a deep slumber, where I dreamt of things I hadn't dreamt off in a long time.

_Dream_

"_I shouldn't be here, this is your brother's graduation party." I said to Alice as she finished curling my hair._

"_It's your brother's party too and besides I'm inviting you." She said with a smirk as her grey eyes bored into mine, daring me to protest one more time._

_I swallowed thickly, afraid she might use that curling iron for something else if I dared to open my mouth._

"_Your dress and shoes are on the bed." Alice said as she started to paint her own face._

_As soon as I picked up the blue dress and equally blue killer heels, I shrieked._

"_Alice, this isn't a dress! It's underwear! And those shoes will kill me!" I called out to her as I sat down on the bed in my underwear and placed my head between my hands._

"_Stop bitching and put on the damn dress or I'll make you!" Alice growled as she waved the curling iron in front of my face._

_I nodded, absolutely mortified as images of torture went through my mind._

_Slowly I got dressed, very slowly apparently since Alice appeared fully dressed herself._

_She was wearing a pink tube mini dress with pink heels. _

_Anyone else would have looked like a giant stick of cotton candy, but not Alice._

_Alice pulled it off perfectly with her jet black hair and grey eyes._

_I carefully followed after her as we descended the stairs to join the party and as soon as I rounded the corner into the living room I froze._

_There he was, the man of my dreams, the boy of my obsession, Edward Cullen._

_As usual there was a bimbo hanging on his arm and tonight it was no other than Lauren fucking Mallory._

_He was laughing at something she said and then his head turned and his laughing eyes found mine. He mouthed hello and for a moment it seemed as if the entire room froze._

_Time stopped and all noise faded away as his emerald green eyes studied my plain brown ones. I could feel my heartbeat start to race and my breathing quickened as I told myself mentally to get over there and steal him away from Lauren._

_A soft smile tugged at the corners of my mouth and as I took my first step towards him, he turned away. He threw his head back in laughter at whatever the bitch was telling him and then with her still latched on to his arm, they were moving...away from me._

_I couldn't move, even the smallest movement would cause the fragil organ to break as I could feel my breath getting caught in my throat and tears stinging my eyes._

"_Hey, you okay?" A male voice asked from beside me as he placed a hand on my arm._

_I pulled it back quickly and turned my body fully towards this speaking person._

"_I'm fine, Mike." I said as soon as I came face to face with the bane of my existence, well one of them actually, since the real bane of my existence was Lauren. Mike was just an annoying puppy you could kick a hundred times over and he would still come running back._

"_Do you need something to drink?" Mike asked as he looked into my eyes with that damn worried expression that just briefly made me like the guy._

"_Sure, as long as it's spiked." I said as I hung my head a little._

"_Well, it's your brother's party as well, so I think there won't be a problem scoring some booze." He said as he sauntered off to get me some liquid courage._

_Mike stayed loyally by my side all night, getting me drinks whenever my cup was empty and listening to me whine about anything and everything as long as it had nothing to do with Edward Cullen. Not even Alice knew of my infatuation with him, since she had told me loud and clear to stay away from his player's ass. Ofcourse, she was only frightened she might lose me as her best friend should Edward use me like he did all the other girls in Forks and even ocassionaly some from Port Angeles._

_One time, about a year ago I had walked in on Edward and Alice having a fight. Apparently, she had seen him appraising me and found it necessary to stick her meddling nose where it didn't belong. She called him horrible names and told him that if he ever touched me, he would no longer be her brother. Ever since, I hoped to catch a glimpse of his interest in me, but I never did. It broke my heart ofcourse, since I had been practically in love with the guy ever since I met him. Those eyes haunted my dreams, even during the day. That mop of tousled bronze hair just made me want to go over there and grab it as my lips explored his mouth. Surely, he would taste divine, because he smelled wonderful._

_Edward had a very unique scent, not the typical musk scent men usually have, but something more like pine and ceddar. Very woodsy and ultimately manly._

_I was broken from my train of thought as Mike pulled me to my feet._

"_Come on, baby. One dance." He slurred and in my current state of mind I found no reason to object._

_I stumbled after him onto the dance floor and he instantly pushed his right leg between mine._

_He spun me around suddenly and grinded his erection into my back as my hips moved against him. I kept my eyes shut so I could imagine it was Edward and not Mike moving against me._

_His breath was hot and heavy on my neck as he started to move even more closer against me, leaving not an inch of space between our bodies._

_I felt someone taking my hand, other than my dance partner who had his hands firmly planted on my stomach. A sudden tug had me stumbling forward and breaking free from Mike and then I was met with a warm, slightly defined chest. My eyes flew open to look straight into dark green ones. _

"_Edward." I gasped as he pulled me closer against him and if he heard, he didn't mention it._

_The song changed and 'hips don't lie' started to blare from the speakers as he spun me so my back was against his chest. We grinded against eachother with renewed vigor._

_**Ladies up in here tonight**_  
_**No fighting, no fighting**_  
_**We got the refugees up in here**_  
_**No fighting, no fighting**_

_**Shakira, Shakira**_

_**I never really knew that she could dance like this**_  
_**She makes a man want to speak Spanish,**_  
_**Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa**_  
_**Shakira, Shakira**_

_I could feel his erection as we grinded together. The feel of his body against mine was unlike anything I could have ever dreamt and I kept on wanting more.___

__**Oh baby when you talk like that  
You make a woman go mad  
So be wise and keep on  
Reading the signs of my body**__

__**And I'm on tonight  
You know my hips don't lie  
And I'm starting to feel it's right  
All the attraction, the tension  
Don't you see baby, this is perfection**__

_**Hey Girl, I can see your body moving  
And it's driving me crazy  
And I didn't have the slightest idea  
Until I saw you dancing**_

_**And when you walk up on the dance floor  
Nobody cannot ignore the way you move  
your body, girl  
And everything so unexpected - the way  
you right and left it  
So you can keep on shaking it **_

_**  
I never really knew that she could dance like this  
She makes a man want to speak Spanish  
Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa  
Shakira, Shakira  
**_

_I turned around in his arms and attacked his lips furiously as I nearly humped his leg in the middle of the dance floor._

**  
Oh baby when you talk like that  
You make a woman go mad  
So be wise and keep on  
Reading the signs of my body  
**

_**  
**_**And I'm on tonight  
You know my hips don't lie  
And I am starting to feel you boy  
Come on let's go, real slow  
Don't you see baby asi es perfecto**__

___"Oh God, Bella! Do you know how long I've wanted you." He said huskily as my lips attached themselves to his neck, licking and sucking the soft skin there._

_**  
**_**Oh I know I am on tonight my hips don't lie  
And I'm starting to feel it's right  
All the attraction, the tension  
Don't you see baby, this is perfection  
**_**Shakira, Shakira**_

__**Oh boy, I can see your body moving  
Half animal, half man  
I don't, don't really know what I'm doing  
But you seem to have a plan  
My will and self restraint  
Have come to fail now, fail now  
See, I am doing what I can, but I can't so  
you know  
That's a bit too hard to explain **_**  
**_

_He turned me around once more and pressed his erection more demanding against my backside as I moved against him, stimulating him._

_**  
Baila en la calle de noche  
Baila en la calle de dia  
**_**Baila en la calle de noche  
Baila en la calle de dia **__

_**I never really knew that she could dance like this  
She makes a man want to speak Spanish  
Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa  
Shakira, Shakira  
**_

_"Oh shit, baby. We need to get out of here." His hot breath tickled me as he whispered roughly in my ear, no longer able to move with me as he started to thrust his hips forward._

_**  
**_**Oh baby when you talk like that  
You know you got me hypnotized  
So be wise and keep on  
Reading the signs of my body**_**  
**_

Edward spun me around and kissed me forcefully. His kiss conveying his lust and hunger for me along with the urgency.

_**  
Señorita, feel the conga, let me see you  
move like you come from Colombia**_

__**Mira en Barranquilla se baila asi, say it! **_**  
Mira en Barranquilla se baila asi**_

_**Yeah  
She's so sexy every man's fantasy  
a refugee like me back with the Fugees  
from a 3rd world country  
I go back like when 'pac carried crates for  
Humpty Humpty  
I need a whole club dizzy  
Why the CIA wanna watch us?  
Colombians and Haitians  
I ain't guilty, it's a musical transaction  
No more we do snatch ropes  
Refugees run the seas 'cause we own our  
own boats  
**_

_I gasped as we broke apart and looked into his green eyes, slightly dizzy from alcohol, lack of air and ofcourse Edward's presence._

_Edward grabbed my hand and started to lead me through the dancing couples, up the stairs and into his bedroom._

_**  
**_**I'm on tonight, my hips don't lie  
And I'm starting to feel you boy  
Come on let's go, real slow  
Baby, like this is perfecto**__

__**Oh, you know I'm on tonight and my  
hips don't lie  
And I'm starting to feel it's right  
The attraction, the tension  
Baby, like this is perfection**__

_**No fighting  
No fighting **_

_With the final note of the song sounding below us, Edward slammed the door shut and locked it, before pushing me against the wall._

_He looked so feral, dangerous that I lost ability to speak and he didn't seem to object as he explored my mouth with his tongue and my body with his hands._

"_That wasn't nice. Teasing me like that. Well, you're getting what you deserve now, little girl." He said roughly as I gasped for air as soon as his lips left mine._

_His hand had found it's way underneath my dress and was kneeding my thigh, dangerously close to the place no man had gone before._

_He picked me up and my legs instinctively went around his waist. His erection was so close to where I wanted him to touch me that I started to squirm against him in an attempt to create more friction to my core. His head snapped up and he looked me deep in the eyes as something resembling realization shone through his eyes._

"_Are you a virgin?" He asked and at my shy nod, he groaned loudly._

_He walked us over to the bed, where he laid me gently down on top of the sheets._

"_I can't do this." He sighed as he sat down on the edge of the bed with his back turned towards me. I didn't know what to say as I stared mutely at him._

"_God, I want to! But you're a virgin and it's not right to ..." He trailed off as he stared at a spot on the wall._

"_But I want you to, Edward." I said as I moved forward and kissed his neck, pressing my chest against his back._

"_I want you." I practically purred at the taste of him, not too sweet, not salty but manly and just Edward in every way I could have imagined._

_A loud groan betrayed the fact that I was winning this and then he pushed me back down, hovering over me with his perfect body._

_He gently traced his fingers across my face familarizing himself with each of my features._

_As he had mesmerized me, he claimed my mouth and let his hands wander elsewhere._

_I hadn't expected THE Edward Cullen to handle me with so much care or as lovingly, but I couldn't be more happier with his attentions._

_Somehow during this hot, mindblowing kiss, he managed to get me out of my dress and we moaned simultaneously as his hand stroked my wet, warm center._

_As we broke apart gasping, he sat back on his hinds and took off his shirt, before slithering down my body._

_I was looking expectantly at his crotch, waiting for him to reveal this unfamiliar piece of anatomy that would prove to me that he was all man._

_He looked up at me then and I blushed embarrassed at being caught._

_Edward just smiled crookedly, the same crooked grin that could make any girl's heart race and pulled of his pants and boxers in one swift movement._

_My breath caught in my throat at the sight of him and I wanted to touch it so badly._

_Although I was very excited, I was also slightly worried about his size and he must have read my thoughts from my face as he rubbed me where I wanted to be touched most._

"_I'll take care of you, love. Don't worry." He whispered as he bent his head and suddenly all I could see was his mop of tousled bronze hair. His face was hidden from view mostly as he licked me. The pleasure was undescribable and my back arched off the bed from the sensations it stirred in me._

_When he pushed a finger inside of me, I screamed and arched off of the bed as I shook with the force of my first orgasm ever._

_While I was still lying there spineless and blissed out from my orgasm, Edward pushed into me slowly. I didn't realize I had been holding my breath, untill Edward instructed me to breathe. As I gulped for air, he pushed through my barrier and I whimpered pathetically._

"_Sorry, love. I'm so sorry." He kept on repeating as he kept himself still, the discomfort plain on his face as it contorted in his attempt to hold back from moving._

_As the pain drifted away, I ached for that friction again and bucked my hips, moaning loudly as he slid deeper into me._

_He moved slowly inside of me as he let me adjust to the art of making love first._

_After I had cried out with my second orgasm, he started to pick up the pace and I was already screaming for him to go even faster, harder and deeper than before._

_I was absolutely lost in my need to reach that orgasm once more and Edward started to lose his composure as well as he gripped my legs and put them flat against his chest, pumping into me even deeper than before._

"_Love, I'm...love, cum for me." He gasped as he started to pulse inside of me._

_His left hand released his grip on my leg as he moved it to where we were joint and flicked my clit. I clenched as if on command and screamed out with yet another orgasm._

"_Belllllaaaaaaaaa!" Edward called out my name as he thrust into me deeply and held still at the deepest point, shooting his warm seed into me._

_He laid down next to me and pulled me onto his chest. I stayed that way for the rest of the night as he ran his hand through my hair and pressed kisses in my hair._

_End dream._

**Well, I hope you all liked it.**

**Let me know what you think.**

**Review please.**

**Love,**

**Shirley**


	3. Chapter 3 : Plane

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight**

**Wow, once again you guys amaze me with your enthusiastic reviews.**

**Love ya guys :)**

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**BPOV**

It had been a month since I dreamed about Edward and things were getting weird. Between Jasper and me, things were going wonderful as always, but my family was acting strange, especially Emmett.

He kept avoiding me or when he was forced in my presence he would be abnormally silent.

I didn't like it at all and when I tried to approach the subject with Alice, she quickly steered clear of the line of conversation and started about some designer shoes or dress she had seen.

I was rapidly becoming suspicious of everyone around me, except my little girl, Jasper and Rosalie.

We were going out with everyone tonight and I let Alice talk me into a make over with the hope that I would finally get some information out of her.

Regrettably I had no such luck as she expertly avoided the subject at all costs.

She dressed me in a dark crimson dress and heels and then curled my hair with the curls pinned up except for a couple of locks that hung freely around my face.

She applied some make up and as usual the effect was stunning.

"Thank you, Alice." I said honestly as I descended the stairs and ran into the arms of the man waiting for me. His green eyes twinkled in delight as he wrapped his strong arms around my waist and kissed me passionately.

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**EPOV**

Tanya was sleeping peacefully next to me as I tried in vain to focus on the screen in front of me, but however hard I tried I couldn't shut off my brain enough to actually see the images before me.

I growled softly as I pressed the button to turn to radio instead of tv and soft music started to play from the earbuds. The stewardess smiled seductively as she passed by me and I turned my head quickly, not even remotely interested in this female.

As I turned up the volume a song came on that sliced right through my very soul. The one thing that had destroyed me for years and only recently I had mended the pieces that were shattered. Tanya had stood by me as she put me back together piece by piece.

Now this damn song had to take me right back to the state of mind I was in when I left the place I was now heading towards.

I could feel the familiar ache as the Jennifer Hudson's voice sounded clear in my ears.

(**AN: **_**lyrics, **__Edward's thoughts_)

_**You want all my love and my devotion**_  
_**You want my love and soul right on the line**_

_If she had wanted it, I would have given it to her._

_Instead she ran as soon as morning shone through the window._

**_I have no doubt that I could love you, forever_**

_**The only trouble is  
You really don't have the time**_

_**You've got one night only  
One night only  
That's all I have to spare**_

_I always thought that was the thruth._

_But with Bella things were different._

_I had never felt so complete in my life._

_**  
One night only  
Lets not pretend to care**_

_**  
**__Oh I pretended, alright._

_For two fucking months._

_That plane ticket out of there was like winning the lottery._

_**  
One night only  
One night only  
Come on big baby come on  
One night only  
We only have till dawn**_

_**In the morning this feeling will be gone**_

_It should have gone, but it didn't._

_It broke me, turned me into a shell of the man I used to be._

_**  
It has no chance going on  
Something so right has got no chance to live**_

_It certainly felt right to me._

_Why didn't she feel it?_

_**  
So let's forget about chances  
It's one night I will give **_

_I gave her more than one night._

_I gave her my heart and soul._

_Now all I have to offer Tanya is my body and mind._

_The rest is gone forever.___

_**One night only  
One night only  
You'll be the only one  
One night only  
Then you'll have to run**_

_**  
**__And run, she did._

_**  
One night only  
One night only  
There's nothing more to say  
One night only  
Time's getting away**_

_**One night only  
One night only  
One night only**_

I hadn't noticed the tears running down my face, untill a single tear fell upon my hand.

I had become a hard man, an empty man and crying was something I rarely did.

To cry over something that happened so long ago and someone that obviously held no regard for me whatsoever, infuriated me beyond belief.

I ripped the earbuds from my ears and called out for the stewardess.

"A scotch, please!" I growled between clenched teeth as I once again tried to force myself to watch the movie and empty my head for just a little while.

I was actually succesful for once and settled back as I mindlessly watched a movie called '27 dresses'. It was more a movie intended for the female crowd, but at least it kept my mind off some matters.

I even laughed as they sang a horribly off key Bennie and the Jets, not to mention the made up lines were hilarious.

As they shared a night of great passion and she then tried to pretend nothing had happened, my heart clenched painfully again. I stuck the remote into the arm of my seat and growled audibly as I shut off my screen.

_Was I not allowed to have even the slightest peace of mind?_

As the plane prepared for it's descend, I woke up Tanya by gently rubbing her shoulders and arms. She moaned as my hands caressed her and I could instantly feel myself straining against my pants.

"Sweetie, we are getting ready to land." I said as I pulled my hands away from her body before I let temptation get the better of me.

She stretched quickly and then buckled up her seat belt as we dove for Sea Tac airport.

My parents were already waiting for us as we went to retrieve our luggage and I couldn't believe that seeing them made me realize just how much I had missed them.

I hugged them both tightly, before following them out towards their car.

"So what are we doing tonight?" Tanya asked as she looked over at my father, who met her gaze through the rearview mirror.

"We are going out to dinner with Alice and her friends." Dad said to which my mother quickly elbowed him in the side.

"I'm sure you two are exhausted after such a long flight." My mom said suggestively, instead of just coming out and saying that she didn't want us there.

My parents never liked Tanya, they believed her to be a gold digger.

I nodded quickly to convey that I understood and we wouldn't intervene with their plans.

The rest of the drive was spent in uncomfortable silence, all expecting someone to speak first, but not wanting to break to the silence and if one wasn't going to bother, so wasn't the other.

As soon as we got to the house, we headed upstairs to my old room and started unpacking as my father's Mercedes sped down the gravel road, away from us.

I briefly wondered whether Bella would be there, but pushed away the thought as soon as it came. It would be of no use to overthink things that were out of my control and Bella was most definitely out of my control.

I sighed audibly as I laid down on the bed, intent on taking a nap after that long trip.

"Aren't you going to shower?" Tanya asked from the doorway as she stood waiting in a towel, her hair wet and dripping on the floor. I briefly wondered if the water could cause damage to the wooden floarboards, but that's when I heard her whining.

"You're dirty, Edward. You need to wash off all that grime from the airplane." I rolled my eyes, but got up anyway before sauntering over to the bathroom.

Normally, I would have thoroughly enjoyed the warm water on my body, but not now.

I was too fucking tired for this and so I hurried through the motions, before wrapping my old robe around me and going back to the bedroom where Tanya was already sound asleep.

_How does she do that?_

_She slept for 6 hours on the plane already and now she's out again._

I decided not to linger and laid myself down next to her, soon drifting off into a deep sleep myself.

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**So what did you guys think?**

**Finally a little Edward.**

**I know some have been waiting to see him :)**

**Well, I hope I didn't disappoint.**

**Review please.**

**Love,**

**Shirley**


	4. Chapter 4 : Guest room

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight**

**Thanks again for the amazing reviews**

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**BPOV**

Dinner had been fun like usual, but both Jasper and I had had a little too much to drink.

Emmett was cozying up with Rose and I knew spending the night at Rose's would be out of the question, since Emmett would not be going home to dad's when Cat was spending the night there in fear of having to introduce Cat with a topic I didn't wish her to know about untill she was far above the legal age.

Alice, so in tune with me after all our years as best friends noticed my distraction and placed her hand on mine.

"Why don't you spend the night at our place tonight?" She suggested and I didn't fail to notice the panicked look on Esme's face at her offer. I nodded thankfully and looked at James, Alice's boyfriend for two years now, who seemed to be rather tipsy himself.

"Don't worry about the car, we'll drop you off tomorrow." James slurred as he gulped down some more of his Whiskey.

"Thanks you guys, you are real life savers." Jasper drawled as he nuzzled my hair and sniffed it rather noisily. I giggled at his silliness and with the effect of the alcohol working in my system, I just couldn't seem to stop myself as I kept on giggling.

"Darlin', do you want some more pudding?" He asked as he slid his chocolate pudding over to me. I nodded as I tried to control my giggling and then dove in, the taste of chocolate on my taste buds making me moan aloud. Jasper's eyes darkened considerably as he gazed at me with blazing green eyes. Rosalie nudged him, but he didn't even face her as he kept on staring at me and my mouth.

"I think we need to put these lovebirds to bed." Alice said before cringing visibly at the way that sounded as she got up from her seat and James put down some money on the table to cover their part of the bill. Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle also put some money on the table and then we were walking out into the cold, fresh air.

Jasper put his jacket around me as he guided me to Alice's car and as soon as the car was moving, I could feel myself start to doze off seeing how it was a weakness of mine to fall asleep in a moving car, when I didn't drive it myself.

I could feel myself being lifted into the strong familiar arms of my Jasper and Alice's chipper voice as she pointed out which guest room we could use for the night.

As I opened my eyes, I frowned in confusion at the unfamiliar room and tried to come up with a reason as to why Alice hadn't put us in the normal guest room.

All thoughts left my mind as Jasper came out of the ensuite bathroom in nothing but his boxers. I got up on my knees and ran my fingers across the scars he had gotten two years ago when he had that terrible car accident that still made me shiver with fear.

I had almost lost him that night and it still hurt just thinking about it.

Flashback

"_Baby, I want some ice cream." I whined as we sat watching 'The Notebook'._

"_Darlin', can't it wait untill tomorrow? I'll pick some up when I get back from work." Jasper said as he pulled me tighter against him, not wanting to let go in the comfortable position we found ourselves in._

"_Please?" I pouted a little as I looked over at him and he melted visibly underneath me._

_He gently lifted me off of him, before getting up from the couch and pulling on his jacket._

"_I'll be back in ten." He said as he quickly kissed me softly on the lips and headed outside in his search for some ice cream._

_Ten minutes turned into twenty, twenty minutes into an hour and as the movie ended an hour and a half later and he still hadn't returned I was full out panicking._

_I paced the room wondering what to do as my mind seemed to shut off entirely due to my panic. Finally, I picked up the phone and called Emmett, asking him to come over as soon as possible to look after Cat as I went out to look for him. Emmett told me to stay calm and try the hospitals and police stations first, but promised to come over anyway._

_I picked up the yellow pages and penned down all the nearby hospitals and then called the police station first. If he had been busted for speeding, surely it wouldn't hurt me as much as having his admittance confirmed at some hospital._

_He wasn't at the police station ofcourse and as I stood waiting with trembling hands for my body to cooperate and to actually dial the stupid number, my phone rang._

_I put the phone to my ear as I hit the call button, accepting the call._

"_Hello?" My voice was shaking as I practically forced the word out, already feeling in my gut that it would be bad news._

"_Goodevening, miss, Forks Community Hospital. Can I speak with Isabella Swan, please?" A low female voice asked and I could already feel the bile start to rise._

"_Speaking." I replied as I gripped the counter with my free hand, trying to steady myself for whatever she was about to tell me._

"_One Jasper Whitlock has been brought in earlier, ma'am and you were listed as his person of contact." She said not even mentioning what was wrong with him._

"_What happened?" I chocked out as the doorbell rang and I ran to the door with the phone still pressed against my ear._

"_There has been an accident, miss. I think it's best if you would get here as soon as possible." The woman said as Emmett walked in, concern etched on his face as he took in my pale face and trembling body._

"_Go." Was all my brother said and I dropped the phone rushing out to my car._

_I made the hospital in 5 minutes, instead of the usual 10 and ran inside not even bothering to look out for people, as I bumped into a few of them along the way._

_At the desk they informed me that he was currently in surgery and he was being operated on by Carlisle, which set my mind at ease a little bit, but not much._

_I reluctantly sat down in the waiting area where I chewed off my nails as far as I could reach, sighed heavily and tried to stop the tears from running as my mind kept running over the most horrible scenes of what might have happened to him._

_Six hours later Carlisle finally appeared in the waiting room, looking worse for wear with tired lines across his face and dark circles underneath his eyes._

_He grabbed me into a hug and whispered soothingly into my ear as he informed me of Jasper's condition. Jasper had pieces of glass removed all over his torso from the window that shattered on impact. He had broken his shoulderblade as a piece of the other car flew in through the window and I sucked in a harsh breath upon hearing that. A little more to the left and he would have been gone. He had some internal bleeding, but they had managed to stop it and he was currently stabilized. I didn't wait to hear any more after that as I ran through the long corridor to the room where my Jasper was lying._

_The tears ran freely down my face as I saw his pale face and the sheen of sweat on his brow._

_Jasper had always been a healthy man, not even exceeding 5 sick days in the entire time I've known him. To see him laying there like that, tugged at my heart in the worst possible way._

_End Flashback_

As always Jasper melted underneath my touch and it didn't take him long to free me from my dress, groaning as he noticed the skimpy little thong and lack of bra underneath.

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**EPOV**

I woke as peculiar sounds came from the room next door and sat up straight in my bed as I listened more intently. I hadn't been aware that my parents had invited any more house guests and tried to figure out what might be going on, when I heard it.

"Oh darlin'." A male voice with a southern twang groaned as I obviously caught it during what seemed to be one hell of a lovemaking session, the bed squeaking with every move.

"No darlin', tonight I'm not going to allow you to tease me." He growled as a female whine sounded that made me peculiarly alert.

"Get down on all fours, baby. I'm going to take you so hard, you'll be sore for days." It wasn't a request, but a command and from the sounds of it the woman was complying.

I couldn't help it as visions of myself and some darkhaired beauty sprung to mind.

A deep moan sounded as he slid inside of her no doubt and then the headboard started to bang against the wall.

"You like that, don't you? You like my big cock inside of you? Isn't that right, darlin'?" He said between grunts in time with his thrusts and the headboard that kept hitting the wall.

A delicious moan sounded from the female that sounded oddly familiar, but I filed it away for later as I listened more closely.

"Oh darlin', I can feel you tightening around me already. Are you going to come, darlin'?" His voice was honey smooth, not betraying the strain he must have been feeling as he pounded into her even faster.

"Answer me, Bella!" And with those words, my world froze.

"Yes! Oh god, yes! I love your big, thick cock! Now make me cum!" She shouted and I battled myself as a part of me wanted to hear more of those delicious sounds she made, but the other part of me wanted to childishly plug my ears with my fingers and sing 'lalalal' untill they had finished.

"Oh Jasper, I'm...oh fuck...God! Yes, ...Jassspeeeeeeeeeer!" She cried out and my heart broke in a million pieces as she called out this strangers name.

"Bella, dammit woman! I love you, darlin'." He said as the headboard hit the wall with more force, warning me that he was getting close to his release and as the words spilled from his mouth, so must have his seed since the banging suddenly stopped and a soft reply sounded from the woman next to him.

"I love you too." She said and tears stung my eyes as I mentally reprimanded myself for turning into that fucking pussy again.

"Now sleep, darlin'." The man finally said and then all was silent.

I laid with open eyes as I tried to force myself to sleep again, but however hard I tried it was to no avail. I decided to just get myself a cup of coffee and lock myself into my father's office where I could look up some properties nearby for Tanya and myself.

As I stood waiting for the coffee maker to finish, the soft shuffling of feet alerted me to someone's presence and I turned around to be met with a stranger's face.

"Hello, I'm Jasper." The blond, handsome man introduced himself and I just stood there like a deer caught in the headlights.

_Did he know I overheard them?_

"Edward." I forced myself to say and then moved to take the hand he had been holding out.

He had an impressively firm grip and I almost complimented him on it, but as the vague scent of strawberries and freesias, Bella's scent combined with oranges and roses, obviously Jasper's scent and the undeniable scent of sex wafted around him, it took everything in me not to gag. I nodded at him in a friendly manner and then wordlessly headed up the stairs and into my father's office.

But not before silently opening the door to the other guestroom and taking a peek at the naked, sleeping beauty sprawled out on the bed. I didn't look for long, since I feared getting caught and defeatedly I plopped down into my father's leather chair, where I spent the rest of the night.

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**Well, did you like it?**

**Damn, Edward, that was really stalkerish!**

**Review please.**

**Love, **

**Shirley**


	5. Chapter 5 : Breakfast

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight**

**Thanks for the reviews. I'm sorry, but I couldn't wait to update again.**

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**JPOV**

Bella couldn't handle her liquor well and I knew for sure she wouldn't resurface untill well past noon, so as James came downstairs at 9 in the morning I asked him to go pick up my car. That way I could go get Cat and then we could wait for Bella to wake up in her own time.

Alice's brother, Edward had looked at me quite strangely when we met and I wondered if Bella and I had been a tad bit too loud, but if that was the case James never mentioned it.

"Esme will have us some pancakes waiting by the time you get back." James said before he drove off again and left me standing at my car. I drove more carefully ever since my accident.

Even though it hadn't been my fault, I still got this white hot flash of fear running through me each time I got into the car, but I refused to give in to my fear and spent my life hitching rides from others.

I arrived at Charlie's 15 minutes later and knocked politely at the door. As the door swung open my little princess was already waiting for me in her pink coat.

"Daddy!" She squealed as she launched herself into my open arms and peppered my face with butterfly kisses. Each time she called me 'daddy' I was overwhelmed with conflicting emotions. Pride and love for having this beautiful little girl I loved more than life itself call me her father, but my heart also contracted painfully each time as I realized that she wasn't really mine. I tried to surpress those thoughts, but they always managed to find their way back to the surface.

I kissed her cheek with all the affection any father would show their daughter and returned Charlie's smile with one of my own before bidding him farewell.

I buckled Cat in as she sat proudly in her seat and asked her about her night with Charlie.

"It was so much fun, daddy! Gramps let me watch 'the little mermaid' and then we ate pizza. This morning, he took me into the backyard where the gnomes had made a mace and had to find the way out. I was scared for a bit, but Gramps found me and then we ate donuts." She gushed as she waved her hands excitedly. I smiled softly as I kept my eyes on the road, which was difficult because I always loved to see Cat's angelic face when she was excited about something. As we turned onto the drive way of the Cullens, Cat squealed excitedly as she called out Alice's name. Getting out of the car to unbuckle her, I noticed Alice was already bouncing on the porch as she waited to play with Cat. I chuckled softly at Alice's antics and as soon as the Cat's buckle disconnected, she literally climbed over me to get out of the car and then ran to Alice.

"Al! Al!" She screamed on the top of her lungs, before jumping into the tiny woman's embrace. Alice giggled a little as she swung Cat around and then jabbed her softly in the chest.

"Why haven't I seen you for this long? Cat, you have grown so much!" Alice reprimanded and gushed in one single breath.

"Mommy gets too busy with Daddy to visit." Cat answered dryly, making me cough in surprise as I tried to compose the shocked expression on my face, sending Alice into hysterics and Cat along with her, even though the poor kid had no idea what was so funny.

"You are such a smart little lady, Catherine." Esme's soft voice sounded from her spot by the door and noticing her for the first time, I could see she had been standing there for a while at the way she was pressing her lips together so she wouldn't start laughing at me too.

"Esme!" Cat called out as she looked at Alice with a look that said 'put me down now, or else'. Alice quickly lowered her and Cat took off in a dead sprint, clinging to the older woman's legs as she sniffled a little saying she had missed Esme.

"Daddy? Can I go see Mommy now?" Cat asked and I rubbed the back of my neck as I tried to figure out a way for Bella to sleep in. That had been the whole point of me getting Cat in the first place.

"I'll tell you what. We'll go check on Mommy, but if she is still sleeping we'll let her sleep, okay? Mommy has had a rough night." Cat nodded eagerly and holding my hand we entered the house and headed straight upstairs.

As expected, Bella was still sleeping peacefully and I was praising the Lord above for giving me enough sense this morning to cover her up properly.

Cat pouted a little as she saw her mother still sleeping, but didn't comment as I picked her up and headed downstairs to the kitchen.

Everyone, except Bella was already sitting at the kitchen table or around the island, since the kitchen table was simply not big enough.

I sat across from Edward and a pretty strawberry blonde as Cat bounced impatiently on my knee.

"Daddy? Can I have pancakes too?" She asked with wide eyes which I tried to avoid at all costs.

"Didn't you eat donuts with Gramps?" I asked as Esme placed an extra plate on the table, effectively shutting me up and giving Cat some pancakes.

"Just don't tell Mommy, ok? You know Mommy would get mad if I let you eat breakfast twice." I said loud enough for everyone to hear, so they would also keep their mouths shut.

"Yes Daddy, it'll be our little secret." She whispered in a conspiring way and I nodded at her with a big goofy smile. As I looked up from my plate, I could see Edward staring at me and Cat and I could have sworn I saw jealousy in his eyes. I shook it off and continued eating my pancakes.

"You have a very beautiful little girl." The blonde said as she looked at Cat and I nodded my thanks as I chewed my food.

"How old is she?" The woman asked and I was saved from having to answer as Cat held out 4 fingers. The woman seemed to be counting in her head and then her eyes changed, where they were a soft ocean blue before, they were now as hard as steel.

"Is she yours?" My eyes widened as I glanced around me quickly. Bella didn't want anyone to know about her little indiscretion that one night and so we had told everyone that she was mine. When Alice and Rosalie had questioned how that was possible, Bella had answered that we had a one night stand nearly two years before bumping into each other at work. Since we had started dating on Bella's second day on the job it sounded plausible, since Bella was not usual this impulsive about relationships or anything else in general.

I wondered briefly why she had decided to ask such a question, since it wasn't the most obvious one you ask a father when you meet him the first time with his child sitting on his fucking lap.

"Yes." I said curtly as Cat looked up at me smiling. My suspicions were instanly forgotten as my little princess smiled at me.

Cat knew the thruth, but I doubted if she truly grasped the meaning behind it. When Bella and I started dating, Cat was barely a year old and to know that her first word had been directed at me always made me melt into a puddle of goo.

Cat was a late bloomer and refused to speak at the age of 1. When she was about 15 months she finally uttered the single word 'dada'. Bella had been heartbroken and ecstatic at the same time. We moved in together the next week.

We told Cat the thruth a couple of months ago, since she was too young to remember, but she simply said that I was her daddy and always would be. That she loved me and nothing could ever change that. The next day I went shopping for an engagement ring for Bella, certain that everything would work out now that I knew for sure that Cat would never hate me for taking the place of a man that had never been there for her or her mother.

My knowledge about Cat's birth father was limited at best. All I knew was that Bella had sex with him at a party, they were both extremely drunk and she woke up alone, so she ran feeling used and empty. The man apparently had a reputation of using women and when she woke up alone that morning, she didn't hesitate to get out of there knowing that she had just been one of the many in his little black book.

_Yep, the guy kept a little black book._

She never gave me a name or a description of the man, so if I should ever meet him, I would probably never know it was him.

My musing was cut short as Cat threw out her hands in excitement and hit me square in the gut. She might be tiny, but she had a lot of strenght and since it was an unexpected blow I had to catch my breath for a second.

"Mommy, mommy!" Cat squealed as she leaped off of my lap and ran towards Bella, who stood in the doorway looking as if she had just been run over by a truck. Her hair was a mess, her make up was running and her narrowed eyes were focused solely on the coffee pot standing on the kitchen counter as she shuffled into the kitchen as if someone had pumped lead into her legs. Bella groaned at the loud excited voice of Cat and squinted as her face contorted in visible pain.

"Let me get that for you, darlin'." I said as she sat down next to Alice, since James had just left with Carlisle to do some manly garden work.

Bella nodded as she kept her eyes on her lap and squinted on occasion from Cat's chipper voice. I chuckled softly as I got her a cup of coffee, two sugars and no milk, just the way she liked it.

As I stirred, I noticed Edward looking at Bella with an odd expression and Tanya looking at her with the same look Edward had given me earlier this morning.

_There is something going on with those two!_

_I'll figure it out sooner or later._

_

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**EPOV**

I watched Bella as Boy Perfect fetched her a cup of coffee and even though she had one major hangover, she still looked amazing.

The little girl had her face and hair, but the eyes were definitely Jasper's since they were a beautiful green.

Bella hadn't even noticed me yet and I considered for a moment starting up a conversation, but Tanya obviously had other plans.

Tanya knew everything that had happened between Bella and me.

When I arrived at Oxford, she had been my classmate first, then my friend and ultimately my lover. She had heard and seen me cry over Bella more times than I can actual count and didn't like the hard man I had become. I had agreed to date her, knowing there were no prospects for me in the love department and I settled for her companionship, while she wanted me to be Bella's Edward, the one she had fallen in love with, but the one I could never give her.

Tanya grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the kitchen as my eyes stayed glued to Bella's form, who was rubbing her temples now as she sat with closed eyes.

"Where are we going?" I asked, my annoyance evident as I glared at her.

"You were going to show me around today. Remember?" Tanya asked sweetly, too sweetly to be geniune and I reluctantly nodded my head as we headed outside to start our day.

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**Review please.**

**Love,**

**Shirley**


	6. Chapter 6 : Prom

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight**

**Thank you guys a lot for reviewing.**

**I also wanted to let you know that some of my stories have been nominated for the 'Everything's bigger in Texas' Awards.**

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**I'm nominated for next stories and categories :**

**FAME AND GLORY : Best AH Jasper, Most Creative way to get rid of Alice/Edward, Best Overall Jasper fic, Most underappreciated fic, Best Southern Charm fic, I dream of Bella & Best AU Jasper fic.**

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**SWAN RANCH : Best Southern Charm, Best AH Jasper  
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**Ok sorry for the lenghty AN, on with the story.**

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**BPOV**

It had been a week since we spent the night at the Cullens. It had been a week since I had one of the most horrible hangovers ever. It had been a week since I noticed Edward's silver Volvo missing from the garage as we left the Cullen house. It had been a week since the dreams about Edward started up. It had been a week and I was already ready to pull my hair out as I sat at the kitchen counter replaying the latest dream that was a testimony of my constant heartbreak where one Edward Cullen was involved. I had dreamt that night of Edward's senior prom and the pain I had felt that night still cut as sharply through me as back then.

_Flashback_

_Alice was over at my house with a suitcase filled with beauty products as she slowly transformed me from shy, wallflower Bella into Greek goddess Bella._

_I had instantly fallen in love with the dress when we had gone shopping the week before and even got sandals especially to go with the dress, even though Alice insisted I got some with heels. The dress was like one of those ancients Greek dresses you often see in movies, except it was in a beautiful shade of purple. Alice had chattered on about how great the colour complemented my skin tone and my big boobs. I didn't believe myself to have big ones, but Alice always told me they were and that I should show them off. _

_Alice had braided my hair and twisted it in such a complex manner that it was visible on one side. She had used two shades of purple to make my eyes pop out and as I stared at my own reflection I couldn't believe the vision that stared back at me._

_I, Bella Swan looked gorgeous._

_As the bell rang downstairs, I reluctantly headed downstairs. Only the thought of seeing Edward in his tux tonight spurring me on. _

_Charlie was already interrogating Kevin as he waited patiently by the door and tried to keep his nerves from showing as he answered all of Charlie's questions thruthfully._

_Kevin was a senior that had had a crush on me since forever, but ofcourse I never noticed, untill he finally asked me to prom. I didn't have any vain hopes that Edward might ask me, so I accepted, albeit a little reluctantly._

_He looked great in his black tux and red shirt and his face lit up as he finally noticed me walking down the stairs._

_Charlie noticing the change in his posture and expression quickly followed his gaze and I could clearly hear my father's breath hitching as he looked over at me, his daughter finally all grown up._

_End flashback_

I shook myself from my painful memories as Jasper put a plate in front of me.

"Oh God, Jasper! This looks amazing!" I said as I looked at the bacon and eggs on my plate and the fresh, cut up fruit he placed next to it in a bowl.

"Anything for you, darlin'." He purred as he fingered the pocket of his jeans nervously.

I gave him a wide smile before ordering Cat to eat up as she sat fingering the fresh fruit.

I moaned at the taste of it and Jasper's face brightened even further, nearly blinding me with it.

"Bella, I...Erm, I want to take you out to dinner tonight. Erm...Actually, I invited everyone else as well." I didn't know why he was acting this nervous, but smiled quickly as I nodded before moaning with another bite.

"Did you ask dad to look after Cat?" I asked as I grabbed the bowl of fruit and fished out a piece of banana.

"Actually, he will be there as well and so will my parents. I thought Cat could come too." Jasper mumbled nearly inaudibly and I looked at him in confusion.

_His parents?_

_I didn't know they were in town._

"You're rents are here?" I asked, still too surprised that I was not aware of this little fact.

"Erm...Yes, they missed us and will be flying back to Dallas next week." Jasper said quickly, a little too quickly as if the reason for them being here wasn't entirely true. I decided to let it go and nodded thoughtfully.

It didn't take me long to head down to memory lane again and I sat eating, my movements on auto-pilot as the memory swirled around my mind.

_Flashback_

"_And prom King this year is...Edward Cullen!" Mrs. Mace spoke excitedly into the mic. I watched Edward smiling crookedly as he walked onto stage. Our eyes met briefly and I noticed his eyes widen as he looked at me for the first time that night._

_Unlike me, who had been staring at him the whole goddamn night._

"_Well, thank you." He said flippantly into the mic after receiving his crown and it was all he needed to say really, since cheers sounded all around us._

_He looked amazing in his Armani tux, his bronze hair unruly as always and green eyes sparkling in excitement._

_I sighed involuntarily as I took in the beauty that was Edward Cullen._

"_...Victoria O'Malley." I hadn't heard most of it, but unfortunately the name had not escaped me. The Irish redhaid that was here with Edward tonight won the crown and as she shashayed towards the stage in her dark blue, nearly black dress I wanted to punch her in her smug face as she maintained eye contact with her King._

_Her blue eyes glanced over at me for a second as if she could read my mind, but then turned back towards Edward. She gave a lenghty speech of which I heard nothing as I kept staring at Edward, lost to the world around me._

_As he grabbed her hand for the dance, I couldn't take it anymore. Stumbling a couple of times in the death traps I was wearing I ran outside, desperate to get away from the pain._

_I felt as if I couldn't breath and once outside I gasped for air as I hugged myself in an attempt to get it together._

_Kevin came outside still completely clueless to the situation he had unwillingly stepped into._

_After some coaxing, he finally got me to join him inside again and I stayed consciously as far away from Edward as possible._

_Another slow dance came on and Kevin didn't take no for an answer as he guided me out onto the dancefloor. It was a very sad song and portrayed how I was feeling, perfectly._

**_If roses are meant to be red_  
_And violets to be blue_  
_Why isn't my heart meant for you_  
**

_My eyes unwillingly zeroed in on Victoria and Edward as they danced closely, their eyes promising eachother things, I didn't want to know. Yet, I could not look away. It took everything in me not to turn my head when I lost him from my view each time Kevin made a turn._

_**  
My hands longing to touch you  
But I can barely breathe  
Starry eyes that make me melt  
Right in front of me  
**_

_As if feeling my stare, his eyes locked on mine and refused to look away, untill Kevin turned us away from Edward's imploring gaze._

_**  
Lost in this world  
I even get lost in this song  
And when the lights go down  
That is where I'll be found  
**_

_As he came back to view, his eyes were no longer on me. They were on Victoria's skin as he nibbled on her neck. Tears stung my eyes as the irony of the song was not lost to me._

_Pain shot through me each second I was forced to look at them, so perfect for each other as they completed eachother's beauty and perfection._

_**  
This music's irresistible  
Your voice makes my skin crawl  
Innocent and pure  
I guess you heard it all before**_

_**Mister Inaccessible  
Will this ever change  
One thing that remains the same  
You're still a picture in a frame  
**_

_A single tear fell from my eye as I couldn't look away. It was like one of those accidents, you don't want to see it, but still you can't look away. I barely registered Kevin gripping my ass and kneeding the flesh concealed by my dress, but didn't find it in me to care._

_**  
Lost in this world  
I even get lost in this song  
And when the lights go down  
That is where I'll be found**_

_**I get lost in this world  
I get lost in your eyes  
And when the lights go down  
That's where I'll be found  
Yeah yeah**_

_**I get lost in this world  
I get lost in your eyes  
And when the lights go down  
Am I the only one  
Ooh**_

_I tried to imagine myself ten years ahead, but came up blank. The only certainty at that time, that I would be utterly alone. Kevin startled me out of my musing as he licked the top of my breast and I shrieked. I couldn't help it, but I had not expected such a move and several heads turned towards the noise. Kevin's mouth froze on my skin as he heard me as well and then slowly lifted his head to glare at me._

_Some words were said, that were apparently very intriguing to the others as they listened carefully to our conversation._

"_Fucking cocktease!" Was the last thing Kevin spat at me, before he stalked out of there and left me stranded at prom._

_As if by some magnetic force I looked up to find Edward's eyes staring back at me, concern written in them. But as Victoria whispered something into his ear, his expression changed and that crooked grin appeared. He nodded, took her by the hand and then they were gone._

_I went over to the bar, where I ordered a Diet Coke as I tried to figure out what to do next._

_Emmett was there ofcourse, but I didn't want to disturb my brother on his Senior Prom. I didn't have a cell, so I couldn't call Charlie. I slumped a little in my seat and nearly fell from my seat as someone tapped my shoulder. I looked behind me to find Emmett looking sadly at me._

"_Come on, squirt. I'll take you home." He said as he pulled me up from my seat and held my hand tightly, knowing I needed the comfort from that simple touch right now._

"_What about Ashley?" I asked as he guided me outside and over to his car._

"_She'll be here when I get back." He shrugged._

_End flashback_

"Darlin', are you feeling alright? You've been sitting here for nearly an hour." Jasper shook me a little as he looked up at me with concern, his green eyes slightly darkened from worrying about me.

"I'm fine." I said dismissively as I gathered my plate and bowl and put them in the sink.

He didn't buy it, I could see it from the way he carried himself, but left me to my own thoughts anyway as he gave me a small smile and headed over to Cat, who was already shouting his name to watch Disney with her.

I did the dishes as I listened to them bantering about Hannah Montana and then suddenly a thought popped into my mind that made me drop the plate.

_Why does he want everyone to be present for dinner tonight?_

_He once said dinner with his parents was torture and he would only ever dine with them if he..._

**CLANG!**

The plate shattered into a million pieces as I dumbfoundedly bent through my knees and started to wipe the pieces and splinters together.

_Proposed or got married._

_

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_

**So what did you guys think?**

**Love it? Hate it?**

**Let me know.**

**Love,**

**Shirley**


	7. Chapter 7 : Morning after

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight**

**Everyone is so curious about what exactly happened, since they both believe the other ran away from them. Well, let's find out Edward's side of the story.**

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**EPOV – The morning after (5 years earlier)**

I couldn't stop looking at this perfect creature sleeping in my arms as my eyes hungrily fell upon the curves and lines that made her Bella.

She turned in her sleep and finally I was rewarded with her beautiful face as a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. I could hear Alice running down the hall as she hurried downstairs as the scent of waffles wafted upstairs and throughout the house. I battled with myself whether or not to leave the warmth of Bella's body against mine and finally removed myself from our embrace, albeit more than a little reluctantly.

Surely, she would appreciate me bringing her breakfast in bed and now that I had felt what it was like to be with her, I wanted nothing more than to please her and keep her mine forever.

As I pulled on a pair of sweatpants Alice sprung to mind and I grimaced as I remembered that horrible fight last year.

_Flashback_

_I was writing up the last notes of a composition I had made recently, which I had secretly called 'Bella's Lullaby', although on paper you would only see the word 'Lullaby', when Alice walked in with a sneer on her face that already told me this wasn't going to be pretty._

_"Yes, dear sister, what can I do for you on this fine morning?" I laid it on a little thick, but then again Alice had always been a fan of dramatics._

_"Stop gawking at Bella!" She spat as she towered over me, since I was still sitting down._

_Oh shit!_

_She had seen that?_

_Had Bella seen me drooling over her fine ass as well?_

_How long has she known?_

_Ever since my sophomore year or just recently?_

_"I don't gawk at Bella." I said with a hint of defiance in my voice, all the while staring her down._

_"Yes, you do! I've seen you checking her out during cheerleading practice!" Alice spat, putting her hands on her hips as if saying 'just try and argue with me'._

_She did have a point though. Even though Bella might be a little clumsy and managed to fall on her butt more than do the actual routine, she was in fact the most beautiful of the entire cheerleading squad. I couldn't help but look at her when she was in that sexy little get up._

_I was thinking hard about how to respond to that, but Alice cut me off even before I figured it out._

_"You're a manwhore! A disgusting pig! I don't want you anywhere near Bella, you hear me?! You are my brother and I love you, but if you weren't I would surely despise you for the way you treat girls. You're a player, a pig, a disgusting excuse for a human being and I don't want to lose another friend because of your vile ways!" Alice spat at me, each word hitting home, since that was exactly what I thought of myself and the only reason I had not approached Bella yet. She was beautiful, pure and innocent. Perfection was not even a word powerful enough to describe her and I was the lowest of low. I could never deserve someone like Bella._

_"You stay away, Edward! I mean it! If I hear you have even talked to her, you are no longer my brother." With those harsh words, she turned on her heel to leave the room, gasping as she saw the long chestnut hair of Bella, who was just slipping back out of the room._

_End flashback_

The usual self-loathing washed over me again as I thought about how undeserving I was of this angel. Having stood there for quite a while as I was off in Lala-land, I finally headed downstairs.

My mother had just given the last batch of waffles to Emmett and so I had to wait as she started all over again.

"How many did you say you wanted again?" Mom asked as she put two on a plate for me.

"Six maybe?" I wasn't really sure how much Bella would eat. Alice's eyes narrowed as she took in my more than usual disheveled hair and lack of t-shirt.

"He's got a lady friend upstairs." She whispered loud enough for me to hear to mom and I watched in horror as my mother's eyes widened. I had never gotten any of my conquests breakfast. Usually, I kicked them out as soon as I came, so they certainly knew something was up. I gave my mom a small smile as I focused on the idle chit chat between Emmett and Ashley. Finally having rounded up 6 waffles, I raced upstairs to find...an empty bed, an empty room, an empty Edward.

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Bella had been avoiding our house for two weeks straight, so when I finally heard her giggling down the hall with Alice, I let my rage and grief consume me and turned up the volume of my stereo to drown out the sounds of her laughter.

_**I walk a lonely road  
The only one that I have ever known  
Don't know where it goes  
But it's home to me and I walk alone**_

_**I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
When the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk alone**_

_**I walk alone  
I walk alone**_

_**I walk alone  
I walk a...**_

_**My shadow's only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
Till then I walk alone**_

_**Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah**_

_**I'm walkin down the line  
That divides me somewhere in my mind  
On the border line  
Of the edge and where I walk alone**_

_**Read between the lines  
What's fucked up and everything's alright  
Check my vital signs  
And know I'm still alive and I walk alone**_

_**I walk alone  
I walk alone**_

_**I walk alone  
I walk a...**_

_**My shadow's only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
Till then I walk alone**_

_**Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah**_

**_I walk alone_  
_I walk a..._  
**

Alice came waltzing in looking extremely ticked off as she glared at me.

"Turn it off!" She growled and I turned my head, pretending not to have heard her over the music.

**  
_I walk this empty street_  
_On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams_  
_When the city sleeps_  
_And I'm the only one and I walk a..._  
**

"Enough of this self pitying shit! Your whole 'Woe is my life' routing is getting old! Fast!" She yelled as she pointed a finger at me the entire time.

**  
_My shadow's only one that walks beside me_  
_My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating_  
_Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me_  
_Till then I walk alone_**

She stomped over to my stereo system and ripped out the power cord, all the while glaring at me as if I gave a shit.

I wondered briefly what she might say if she found out that my liking Bella never jeopardized their relationship, only our relationship since the whole ordeal with Bella had made up my mind. In a little over a month, I would be out of their lives forever.

I had only just gotten the response today and even though I had told Emmett I would be going to the U of W with him, this opportunity was exactly what I needed. As Alice left my room, I pulled out the letter once more and let my eyes run over the beautiful handwriting along with prestigeous name of Oxford University in England.

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**Well I hope that cleared up some things for you guys.**

**Review please.**

**Love, **

**Shirley**


	8. Chapter 8 : Dinner

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight**

**I'm sorry for not updating sooner, but my mind is like a dried up sponge. Writer's block sucks!**

**And thanks for all the amazing reviews, I love you guys.**

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**EPOV**

I was still trying on shirts, even though I was running out of options when Alice came waltzing into my room.

"God Edward! You're still not dressed yet!" She exclaimed as she flung her little hands in the air in an exasperated manner and walked into my closet. Seconds later, she came out holding a polo shirt and darkwash jeans. I got dressed quickly and tried not to look too panicked in front of my family as I thought of being confronted with Bella tonight. She would surely flip her lid, since she had not seen me yet, but then again, she might not even care. I ushered Tanya through the door and into my car, grimacing at the soft pink tube dress she had chosen for tonight, that made her look like a bar of soap with hair.

_I hope things don't get out of hand._

_

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**BPOV**

Cat, fashionista extraordinary didn't want to wear any of the outfits I suggested, finally coming out wearing a black dress and black boots. She glanced over at me in my green dress once, before shaking her head and pulling me back to my room.

"Mommy, you need to wear this one." She said as she placed her tiny little hands on her hips and gave me a look that said 'don't argue with me'.

"But it's so short." I remarked as I looked at the black minidress she had pointed out to me and I heard the little huffing sound she made while trying very hard not to say something.

One glance at my watch told me I had no more time to discuss this, so I quickly changed into the black dress and Cat left the room with a small approving nod in the mirror.

She reminded me so much of Alice at times that it was actually quite scary.

I was putting on my necklace when Jasper came strolling into the room looking ten kinds of hot. He was wearing a white pair of pants with a checkered shirt and cowboy boots.

I struggled to keep my hormones in check as Jasper took the necklace from me and fastened it for me. He kissed my neck softly, before helping me up and I could see his eyes darken considerably as he noticed the lenght of my dress, or lack off rather.

"You look stunning, darlin'." He said, as he placed his hand on the small of my back and escorted me out to the car. He buckled Cat in first and then held open the door for me.

I tugged at my dress, willing it to get longer as I sat down in the passenger seat and waited for Jasper to close the door behind me. He kept his eyes on me the entire time he moved to his own side and then we were driving towards the restaurant.

I was a nervous wreck the entire way over, trying to force away thoughts of Jasper proposing as I glanced at my watch every five seconds or so, knowing we were going to be unfashionably late. As we reached the restaurant, I could see all the other cars were already there and I groaned loudly, knowing that Alice wasn't going to let our tardiness go by unpunished. She would probably force me into going on another shopping trip with her this week. That was what I told myself caused my heart to race and my palms to become sweaty. I had this gutfeeling that tonight would go terribly wrong and I tried to swallow the lump forming in my throat as Jasper guided me inside, one hand on the small on my back and in his other his big fist held Cat's small one tightly.

We followed the hostess as she led us over to a big table. Jasper's parents got up to greet me properly, but I couldn't look at them as my eyes were glued to a mop of tousled bronze hair sitting only a couple of seats further.

_This can't be happening!_

_I'm hallucinating, there is just no way..._

_Fuck, the mop moved!_

_It's real, he's real!_

_No, get me out of here!_

My entire body froze as he straightened his posture and I saw his emerald eyes looking straight at me. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, I was officially become a frozen statue as I gazed at the man that once held every piece of my heart, who had given me Cat, the man that destroyed me completely 5 years ago.

"...missed you, Bella." Lydia's last words finally snapped me out of the state I was in and my eyes snapped towards hers.

"I missed you too, Lydia." I said as I hugged her affectionately.

I looked behind me to see Jasper looking at his father with furrowed brow as Burton hugged Cat tightly. I sighed in relief that Jasper at least not seen the way I had stared at another man only seconds ago.

I hugged my parents and friends next and came to an ackward stop in front of Edward.

His girlfriend I presumed from the way she was hanging on his arm, shot me a death glare and turned her head away before I could adress her.

_Rude._

"Hello, Bella." His smooth voice still made my knees go weak and I thanked the Lord for not making my cheeks flare up like they used to do whenever he spoke to me.

"Edward." I said as I nodded curtly and willed my legs to move. My heart was beating uncontrollably in my chest and I hated myself for the reaction of my body. I had a good man now, a man I loved deeply and I wouldn't want to live without. A man that accepted everything about me and my daughter. Yet, one word out of his devil's mouth and I was struggling not to swoon over his player's ass.

He had taken my virginity, left me to wake up in an empty room the day after and hadn't tried to talk to me in 5 years. I should be angry at him, I should be yelling at him, punching him even. Instead I felt like that silly teenager again that would have done anything for him.

I could feel a strong arm wrap itself around my waist and smiled as I could smell Jasper's cologne surrounding me like a safety blanket.

I could have sworn I saw a brief flash of pain darkening Edward's face, but it was gone as soon as it came and I convinced myself it was just my imagination.

Jasper politely shook hands with Edward and then whisked me away with the promise of some very delicious food.

I tried to keep my eyes adverted from Edward's at all cost, but somehow I just couldn't help myself as I occasionaly glanced over at him. He was always staring straight at me and it made me incredibly nervous. I had never told Jasper who Cat's father was and with the way Edward was acting, it would surely not stay a secret for long.

I couldn't figure out why the hell he suddenly found me so interesting that he couldn't keep his eyes to himself, but managed to keep my mouth shut.

Jasper was already stressing enough with his father nagging him about moving back to Texas and taking over the family bussiness, that I surely wasn't going to open Edward's can of worms tonight.

As dessert came, Cat started to bounce in her seat and I was grateful for the distraction as I tried to calm her down. I absentmindedly stuck my spoon in the Tiramisu and brought it to my mouth. I swallowed the delicious coffee and liquor flavored bite and then I couldn't breathe. I tried to cough, I punched my own chest, but nothing helped. Tears streamed down my face as I tried to breathe in vain. Jasper's strong arms went around my chest and with a harsh squeeze, I spat out something shiny.

"Shit." Jasper cursed behind me as he picked the ring up from the ground and looked up at me with such sad, guilty eyes that it broke my heart.

"It's okay, baby." I tried to soothe him, but he just sat down with his head in his hands.

His father hissed something to him and suddenly he was sitting in front of me on his knees.

I blinked twice at missing his fast movements and gently laid my hand on his as he swallowed nervously. His Adam's apple kept bouncing as he tried to muster enough courage to actually say the words.

After what felt like forever, he grasped my hand tightly in his and looked up at me through his lashes, which made me want to shout yes all night long for entirely different reasons.

"Bella, ever since you fell for me and I caught you like your Prince Charming that very first day at the office, I've known that you were the one for me. I could never love anyone as completely, madly and passionately as you. I feel like the Lord above has put you down on this earth especially for me. Bella Marie Swan, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" Jasper's voice shook with emotion and as soon as he popped the questions his eyes sparkled as they bored into mine. I was doing a silly happy dance inside at the thought of keeping this wonderful man forever and then I was crying. I was all over the place and couldn't seem to get a grip on my emotions. With tears running down my face, I flung myself into his arms and kished him passionately, conveying everything I felt in that single kiss.

As we broke apart, he picked me up and swung me around a couple of times, before setting me back down onto the ground and slowly sliding the ring on my finger.

"I love you, Isabella Marie Swan." He said, his eyes shining brightly with unshed tears of happiness.

"And I love you Jasper William Hale." I whispered as I pressed my lips against him softly, smiling at the gushing noises from our female family and friends and the cheers from the men.

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**I hope you guys liked it.**

**I've been having a real hard time getting anything written for all my stories.**

**I just hope you guys aren't going to crucify me for taking so long.**

**Review please.**

**Love,**

**Shirley**


	9. Chapter 9 : Shell

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight**

**Thanks for all your reviews and for being so amazingly tolerant about my late updates.**

**Love you guys**

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**EPOV**

I shifted nervously in my seat as I sat at the table and watched the Hales get up from their seats. Alice had been eyeing me suspiciously ever since I sat down and I had never felt more on edge as in that exact moment. I wanted to look up and watch Bella as she interacted with her family, old and new, but didn't dare to. Surely Alice would see something in my expression or worse Tanya might get jealous and cause a scene.

I managed to keep my eyes on my plate for about two minutes and that's when it got too much for me to bear. Slowly I turned my head and lifted slightly from my seat to look over James's head. Bella was staring directly at me with such a panicked expression, it made me want to run over to her and sweep her up in my arms. I wanted to tell her she never should fear me and that I wouldn't purposely do anything to cause her harm. I wanted to hold her and kiss her. I wanted...too much. Bella broke our eyecontact abruptly and focused on Lydia Hale.

My heart that had been racing ever since I laid eyes on her in that black little number, broke into a million tiny pieces and I wanted nothing more than to excuse myself and crawl into the first available hole.

Jasper was watching his father warily as the old man interacted with his granddaughter, but I didn't have time to think anything about it, seeing as how Bella suddenly stood right in front of me. She looked so unbelievably beautiful. Five years back, I believed her to be the most beautiful creature to have ever walked this planet, but now she looked even more gorgeous if that was even possible. She had filled out in all the right places and moved with a newfound grace and confidence, giving her even more allure.

My heart started racing again and I clenched my fists at my side to refrain from touching her.

Even the lightest touch would surely break me and I couldn't take any more pain.

She glanced at Tanya with a desperate expression, but my bitchy girlfriend disrespected Bella by turning away from her.

"Hello, Bella." I chocked on the words as they left a burning deep inside of me.

_God, even her name drives me crazy._

_How will I ever survive this dinner?_

Her cheeks didn't burn, nor did her breathing catch as I adressed her and I had never been more let down. She said my name with such venom, it made me want to break down and cry.

Before I could say anything else, her boy toy appeared and slipped his arm around my Bella's waist. I struggled to breathe evenly, clenching my fists at my side and turned up all the Cullen charm, politely shaking his hand.

All throughout dinner I couldn't keep my eyes off of her and on occasion I could see her glancing over at me. Every time our eyes met, my heart would skip a beat and I could feel so much conflicting emotions, it made me slightly dizzy.

I figured something big was going to happen as I saw her daughter becoming impatiently excited and Bella trying in vain to calm down her beautiful little girl.

_What I wouldn't do to have that with her._

_A beautiful baby girl._

_A home._

_Her love._

Jasper had everything I had ever wanted and I hated him for it. The demon's spawn kept his eye on Bella's dessert as she tried to settle down Cat.

Every muscle in my body locked up as realization sunk in.

_All the Cullens, Swans and Hales are present._

_His parents flew out especially from Dallas for this dinner._

_Cat is bouncing more than usual and so is my sister._

_Jasper looks ready to vomit and still can't keep his eye of Bella's food._

_He's going to propose._

Jasper's father whispered something and in that single second of distraction I watched in horror as Bella's face turned an awful shade of pale, then blue.

Tears ran over her beautiful face as she struggled to breathe.

I was running towards her, but boy toy had finally noticed and wrapped his big, muscular arms around her chest.

Bending down he picked up her engagement ring and sat down looking all guilty and remorseful. I wanted to punch him in the fucking face for being such a stupid hillbilly, but Bella looked so sad for him that I couldn't do it.

"Do it already, pussy!" I heard his father hiss and then boy toy was on his knees in front of Bella. Everyone held their breathe as Jasper proposed to Bella and then they all cheered like a bunch of raving lunatics. All I could see was my Bella launching herself into another man's arms. My Bella officially not wanting anything to do with me. I watched the moment they shared in a detached manner, all the while feeling my heart getting ripped from my chest, before Bella did a crazy dance and stomping all over it.

Right then I knew, that I had lost everything I had ever wanted and things would never be the same again.

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**TPOV (That's right. It's Tanya)**

As soon as the happy couple stopped smooching, they handed Cat over to the Hales for the night and took off like bats out of hell.

I watched Edward crawling back into his shell as he sat through the rest of dinner with a blank look on his face, not saying anything, not eating or drinking, not even making a sound.

I had seen him like this before and it scared the living daylights out of me.

I had worked really hard these last five years to make Edward presentable into society again and now he looked ready to tip off the balance again.

I placed my hand on his in a comforting gesture, but he just shook it off and resumed his staring at the wall.

I could feel rage building inside of me and not only directed at Bella this time.

Time and time again he had acted as if he couldn't give a damn about Bella and it had seemed as if he really loved me. One night ruined everything and made my eyes open.

Edward Cullen had used me. He had made me his prop to hang gracefully on his arm. He never loved me. He only ever loved Bella Swan. The woman, who is now set on marrying another man.

I suspected the girl to be Edward's, but even he refused to see what was right in front of him.

I wasn't going to tell him, since it was Bella's place to do that, but I could pressure Bella a little. This entire mess had taken long enough and I felt confident I could end it.

_Maybe then, Edward will love me._

_If not, I tried._

_Besides everyone is entitled to the truth._

_Hell, I'm a stranger to this family and I seem to be the only one to see the resemblances between Cat and Edward._

_Does this entire family need glasses?_

Edward startled me out of my thoughts by taking my hand and for a moment I felt hope flare inside of me that he in fact did love me.

That hope died as soon as I saw his lifeless gaze, when he looked up at me and tilted his head towards the door.

I nodded mutely and got up quickly, hooking my arm in his and following him outside after saying our goodbyes to the family.

The entire drive home was uncomfortable and I didn't know what to say to cut through the thick tension, so I wisely kept my mouth.

Pulling up at the Cullen home, Edward cut the engine and got out of the car, heading straight for the door.

I sat gaping after him, since never in the five years I had known him, had he failed to act as the perfect gentleman. I hesitantly opened the door and got out of the car, running inside as the cold air bit at my legs.

Edward had already gone upstairs and I lingered around the living room for about an hour, trying to decide how to approach this gently. Not coming up with anything, I finally joined him in the bedroom. I could feel my heart beating in my throat as I stared at this handsome man I once believed to be entirely mine. My heart ached and I wanted so badly to cry. I couldn't show him my weakness, not yet. Right now, he needed me and in whichever way I could, I would be there for him.

I moved to the bed and looked down at his beautiful profile. His strong jaw was clenched, his nose flared with pent up anger, his eyes were clenched shut as if by ignoring me I would not be here. His bronze hair was in disarray as usual and his high forehead just called to me as I bent over slowly and pressed my lips softly to his forehead.

"Sleep, Edward." I whispered, running my fingers through his soft, silky hair.

I knew he had heard me from the way his eyebrows rose, but he didn't acknowledge me.

I stripped down and put on my nightgown, crawling into the bed next to him. I didn't snuggle up to him, nor did I join him underneath the sheets. I laid myself on top of the sheets, using the soft, thin fabric as a barrier. A barrier that symbolized the rift that had become so blatantly obvious tonight.

With a last heavy sigh, I finally fell asleep. I slept restlessly that night, dreaming over and over again of an emotionally destroyed Edward and an eternally lonely me. I woke up to find Edward in exactly the same position and shape as yesterday. His facial expression hadn't changed at all and he hadn't even moved an inch all night. I crawled out of bed and pulling on a robe, I silently left the room. I needed to plan. I needed to find a way for the truth to come out. But first I needed some coffee.

Walking into the kitchen, I was met with four pairs of eyes. Alice narrowed her eyes as she seemed to be mulling over something, James just turned away as soon as he noticed it was me. Edward's parents though, they looked at me with malice and hatred.

I knew they believed me to be some golddigger, but that wasn't the case at all.

I really loved their son, but no matter what Edward or I ever said, they stuck to their prejudices towards me. I did my best to ignore them as I helped myself to a cup of coffee and made myself scarce in the farthest corner from the breakfast table.

As I finished my coffee and moved towards the living room, Alice followed me.

"He'll never love you, you know." She said, but there was no hint of malice in her voice. She said it with such confidence, almost sounding like she was already sure of what his entire future looked like.

"We'll see." My voice cracked, but I lifted my chin in the air to give off an air of fake certaintly as I strolled past her and headed up the stairs.

Inside I wept and I couldn't help but believe Alice's words.

_I lost him._

_He had never been mine to start with._

_I gave him five years of my life._

_I can't just give up without a fight._

_What to do?_

_What to do?_

_

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_

**There you go.**

**I hope you guys liked it.**

**I'm not that pleased with this chapter, but with this block I don't expect to win a Pulitzer.**

**Review please.**

**Love,**

**Shirley**


	10. Chapter 10 : Bliss

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight**

**I want to thank each and every one of you for your amazing reviews, as well as your tolerance regarding my late updates.**

**I love you guys.**

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**JPOV**

I carried a giggling Bella across the threshold of our home, who just had to state the fact that we weren't married yet. I laughed and kept on carrying her bridal style inside.

I gently put her onto her two feet and once I was confident enough she wouldn't fall on her butt, I headed over to the CD-player. My Bella was a big fan of Sara Evans and I had already put the disc in before leaving. I pressed a button and the beautiful harmony filled the living room. Pushing the couch to the side, I quickly grabbed a hold of my fiancée and twirled her around gracefully.

As Sara started singing, I took her right hand in my left and put it against my heart. With the other hand on her hip we swayed softly to the song. Our eyes locked and the love I saw shining in Bella's made me feel light-headed.

**_Lying here with you_**  
**_Listening to the rain_**  
**_Smiling just to see the smile upon your face_**  
**_These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive_**  
**_These are the moments I'll remember all my life_**  
**_I've found all I've waited for_**  
**_And I could not ask for more_**

Both of us didn't dare break eye contact, the heavy emotions hidden within the depths too exposed, too vulnerable to bear an interruption now.

_**Looking in your eyes**_  
_**Seeing all I need**_  
_**Everything you are is everything in me**_  
_**These are the moments**_  
_**I know heaven must exist**_  
_**These are the moments**_  
_**I know all I need is this**_  
_**I've found all I've waited for, yeah**_  
_**And I could not ask for more**_

She sighed contently and I smiled at her, a soft smile that was reserved only for her. Her eyes closed and I had to fight the urge to whine. But then she placed her head against my chest and I trembled softly as the love I felt, desperately wanted to find its way into actions or words.

_**I could not ask for more than this time together**_  
_**I could not ask for more than this time with you**_  
_**And every prayer has been answered**_  
_**Every dream I've had's come true**_  
_**Yeah, right here in this moment**_  
_**Is right where I'm meant to be**_  
_**Here with you, here with me**_  
_**Yeah**_

I knew my heart was beating embarrassingly loud and fast, I could feel it racing in my wrist, my heart, hell even in my throat, but I didn't distance myself from Bella. No, I actually pulled her impossibly closer and releasing her hand, I gripped her by the waist to close the small gap between us.

_**These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive**_  
_**These are the moments I'll remember all my life**_  
_**I've found all I've waited for**_  
_**And I could not ask for more**_

_I could not ask for more._

_How true those words are._

_Bella gave me everything I wanted and so much more._

I placed my chin on the top of her head and closed my eyes, holding back a moan as her scent washed over me. I wanted to make beautiful love to my Bella, but having her in my arms like this, I also didn't want this to end.

_**I could not ask for more than this time together**_  
_**I could not ask for more than this time with you**_  
_**And every prayer has been answered**_  
_**Every dream I've had's come true**_  
_**Yeah, right here in this moment**_  
_**Is right where I'm meant to be**_  
_**Oh, here with you here with me**_  
_**No, I could not ask for more**_  
_**Than this love you gave me**_  
_**Cause it's all I've waited for**_  
_**And I could not ask for more**_  
_**No, yeah**_  
_**No, I could not ask for more**_

I was still swaying as the song ended, not ready to let go yet. Bella had other plans though as she slowly disentangled herself from me and took a step back. I knew I must have looked like she just kicked my puppy, but I didn't care. I just wanted to stay like that forever and she didn't. She burst out laughing and an involuntarily smile tugged at the corners of my mouth.

_No!_

_Don't smile!_

_But she's laughing so beautifully._

_I can't not smile, when my Bella is happy._

I took her hand with the intent of pulling her back into my arms, but she dragged me along instead. As we entered the bedroom, I swallowed. When she asked me to unzip her, I could feel my palms getting sweaty and my breathing accelerated to an embarrassing and loud panting. I stared into the mirror and saw my Adam's apple bobbing uncontrollably, while very slowly unzipping her dress, tooth by tooth. As soon as the fabric fell from her divine body, I groaned aloud.

She placed a leg on the chair in front of her and started rolling down the nylon stocking as I struggled to keep my composure. She had foregone wearing a bra underneath that dress and the reflection in the mirror as well as her perfect round shaped behind were just begging me to touch this beautiful woman, my beautiful woman.

I turned her around quickly and silently pushed her down onto the chair, before lowering myself onto my knees. I took her right leg and started to slide down the stocking, pressing my lips to her slowly uncovering skin over and over again. Reaching her calf, I pulled off the stocking entirely and tossed it behind me, before kissing my way up, pausing when I reached her thigh.

With one soft kiss, I released her right leg and took the left one in my hands. Since she had already removed the fabric there, I started at her calf and kissed upwards. Making small circles on her thigh with my tongue had her whimpering for more and I could feel myself growing harder with each delicious sound coming from in between those lovely, plump lips.

Her hands came to rest on my shoulders, while my mouth hovered over her lower lips.

I could hear her breathing hitch and noticed her gripping the sheets tightly in her hands, preparing herself for my mouth. I chuckled as she started squirming impatiently and decided to finally give her what she wanted.

I closed the gap and took one of her lips in my mouth sucking it softly, listening to her beautiful moans and feeling my heart swell with even more affection and love.

Her hands released the burgundy satin sheets and found purchase in my hair, softly playing with the locks of my hair as I let go of her lip. Placing my tongue at her core, I surprised her by not dipping it inside of her, but instead flattening my tongue and licking upwards.

She quivered with pure pleasure and my heart quickened in response, knowing I was the one giving it to her. I teased her nub, circling around it and she responded to the wonderful torture by gripping my hair tighter in her fists and softly urging my mouth to stop right above it. I obeyed and sucked it into my mouth, before biting it softly and earning the most delicious scream from my Goddess.

Spurred on by her responsiveness, I softly slid a finger inside of her, while massaging one of her breasts in my hand. Her back arched from the bed at the exact moment as my teeth bit down on her clit, and I curled my finger inside of her to hit her G-spot.

Screaming my name, she shook as her orgasm took her over and my eyes were fixed on her glorious face.

There was nothing more magnificent than seeing the woman you love orgasm. The look of utter bliss, the perfect O shape of her mouth at the exact moment as it hits her like a tidal wave, the soft glow of satisfaction as well as exhaustion and the deliciously flushed skin, each proof of a job well done.

As soon as her back met the mattress again, I crawled up her body and captured her mouth. The kiss was mind blowing as usual and I moaned in her mouth as she caressed my tongue softly. She startled me, as her cold hand gripped me suddenly and I broke our kiss to look into her eyes. Taking her hand into mine, I wordlessly urged her to let go.

"Tonight is all about you, my Bella." I whispered as I lowered my mouth and kissed the soft, creamy skin of her neck. Her scent and taste were overwhelming and I wanted her so bad, but I wanted to make this night memorable for her.

"I just want you, Jasper." she whispered so softly, I wasn't even sure I had heard her.

"You have me, Bella. All of me. Forever." I answered anyway as I looked up into her beautiful chocolate brown eyes, before her skin called out to me again and my lips found purchase on her collarbone, where I sucked the smooth, soft skin into my mouth.

I had never in my life meant anything as much as I meant those words I vowed to her right then and there. As my tongue circled her nipple, she finally had enough and in a pleading whisper she begged me to make love to her.

"Please, I want to feel you, baby." She asked again when I hadn't granted to her request.

I moved my torso up and looked at her gorgeous body, before making eye contact with my Bella and then I slid into her softly.

She felt amazing around me, so soft, so wet, so warm, so tight and so unbelievably perfect.

One word went through my mind constantly as I slowly started to move inside of her.

_Home._

I lowered my body onto hers, wanting to disappear inside of her completely, to fuse together into one creature. We kissed each other with nothing but tenderness, love and gentleness. Everything was unrushed and we moved so perfectly together, it actually brought tears to my eyes. I hid my face by nuzzling her neck and kissed the skin there softly as she moaned out her pleasure. Her arms were wrapped around my back so tightly, it almost seemed as if we were both needing to get closer, so impossibly closer.

I could feel her starting to spasm around me and moved a little faster, but not too fast. I could hear from the sudden loudness of her moans and screams that I was hitting that spot every single time I thrusted into her. And then heaven opened up and invited me in. Her juices flowed around me as she clenched around me, her arms squeezing me just as tight as she whispered my name in such an adoring way, it made my heart ache. It ached in a good way though as my heart couldn't possibly contain all the love I felt for her and felt near ready to erupt.

Her whispering my name brought forth my own climax and as I exploded inside of her, my eyes teared up. The lights seemed brighter, the world lovelier than ever as I laid on top of her, not wanting to leave the warmth of her body. She seemed to know exactly what I was thinking and quickly pulled the sheets up to cover us both, before wrapping her arms around me again and holding me just like that. If I was too heavy and cutting off her air supply, she never mentioned it. The moment was just too magical to ruin it by any small movement or even a single word.

As her breathing evened out, I finally rolled off her, holding on to her so she ended up half on top of me. With a deep contented sigh, I gave her one final peck on the forehead and closed my eyes. With a smile on my face and a heart bursting with love, I fell asleep and dreamt of nothing but my Bella.

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**Finally!**

**That lemon was so hard to write, but I finally got it out.**

**I hope you liked it.**

**Please review and until next time.**

**Love,**

**Shirley**


	11. Chapter 11 : Listen

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight**

**Thanks for all the lovely reviews. You guys are the best!!!**

**

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_**Listen,  
To the song here in my heart  
A melody I've start  
But can't complete**_

_**Listen, to the sound from deep within  
It's only beginning  
To find release**_

_**Oh,  
the time has come  
for my dreams to be heard  
They will not be pushed aside and turned  
Into your own  
all cause you won't  
Listen....**_

_**Listen,  
I am alone at a crossroads  
I'm not at home, in my own home  
And I tried and tried  
To say whats on my mind  
You should have known  
Oh,  
Now I'm done believing you  
You don't know what I'm feeling  
I'm more than what, you made of me  
I followed the voice  
you gave to me  
But now I gotta find, my own..**_

_**You should have listened  
There is someone here inside  
Someone I'd thought had died  
So long ago**_

_**Oh I'm screaming out, for my dreams to be heard  
They will not be pushed aside or worse  
Into your own  
All cause you won't  
Listen...  
**_

_**Listen,  
I am alone at a crossroads  
I'm not at home, in my own home  
And I tried and tried  
To say whats on my mind  
You should have known  
Oh,  
Now I'm done believing you  
You don't know what I'm feeling  
I'm more than what, you made of me  
I followed the voice  
you gave to me  
But now I gotta find, my own..**_

_**I don't know where I belong  
But I'll be moving on  
If you don't....  
If you won't....**_

_**LISTEN!!!...  
To the song here in my heart  
A melody I've start  
But I will complete**_

_**Oh,  
Now I'm done believing you  
You don't know what I'm feeling  
I'm more than what, you made of me  
I followed the voice, you think you gave to me  
But now I gotta find, my own..  
my own...**_

_**

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**TPOV**

Edward had improved a lot over the last couple of months, but at times I could still see the emptiness, the sadness and the pain in his eyes. Recently, I had learned to ignore him when he became that vacant shell, since we always ended up fighting over Bella, who he claimed not to have feelings for anymore. I'm not that easily fooled though and I knew he was lying, especially when he pinched the bridge of his nose, a sign that he was either terribly frustrated or lying out of his ass.

It would upset me greatly, but whenever I would try to talk to him about it, he would feed me the usual bullshit, 'The job is stressing me.', 'I'm just tired.','I am completely over Bella.',...Or he would turn the tables on me, asking if I was not happy in our new home. Other times, he would just ignore me and go on brooding in his little corner of the world. And I had always let him, but now I couldn't keep quiet any longer, not after what happened last night.

I had tried on numerous occassions to talk about Cat with Bella too, but she would just brush me off every time. Her face would pale, her voice giving off a detached air as she told me Catherine was Jasper's daughter, which ofcourse led me to become more sure of myself. If Cat was really Jasper's she wouldn't react in such an odd manner. The phone ringing brought me back to the present and I quickly picked up the receiver.

"Hello?" I wondered if Edward needed me to bring him something or if he was getting off earlier than expected, but when it was an entirely different voice answering, my smile fell.

"_Um...Tanya, could I speak with Edward please?"_

"Edward isn't home, he's working." I knew I was being curt with her, but I didn't want to deal with her right now. All I could hear out of her mouth were lies anyway.

"_Oh...well, I was wondering if..." _

"Just spit it out, Bella! Were you going to tell him Cat's his? Have you finally come to your senses?" I was shouting by the end of it and I barely caught her breath hitching, but I heard it anyway.

"_No! I wanted to know if you guys were joining us tonight. The night out with the group, remember?" _She was mocking me, but the detached manner in the way she spoke evident.

"That hardly explains why you needed to speak with him. You could have just asked me. And for your information, we will be there!" I didn't give her time to respond as I put the phone back on the hook and ran into the den.

Curling up into a ball on the couch, I thought back at last night, the tears falling softly as I pulled the blanket over my head.

_FLASHBACK_

"_I love you, Tanya." Edward said, his hands roaming over my body, but something just seemed off so I reluctantly stepped back. Edward's face scrunched up in confusion, his eyes hardening as he stared me down._

"_What the hell is wrong with you!?!" He shouted, his breathing hard and irregular and his fists clenching. His hand moved upwards, before he pinched the bridge of his nose and visibly calmed down._

"_Don't you like the house I bought us, Tan? Do you want me to buy you another necklace? Tell me what you want, Tan." He looked like a fragile little boy, begging for his momma to hold him tightly, but I couldn't. His words sparked a fire inside of me, rage unlike ever before growing inside of me._

_I took several more steps away from him, looking at him in disgust._

"_What are you saying, Edward?" My voice made me cringe at the highness of it._

_When he didn't respond and just stared at me, I cleared my throat and tried to speak again, careful to keep a grip on my emotions to avoid producing such a horrible sound twice._

"_Do you think I'm with you for your money? Do you believe me to be the golddigger your parents have labelled me to be?" Sobs broke free from my throat. I hid my face in my hands, the tears falling through the spaces in between my fingers as well as running all over my hands._

"_Don't you know that I love you, Edward? I'd do anything for you. You could be the President or the pizza delivery guy. I love you for who you are, not your status." Embarrassed and pained at having to explain my feelings for him, I turned and ran._

_Two hours he left me to cry on the bed, before joining me, crawling underneath the sheets and pulling my head upon his chest._

"_Ssh, baby. Please, don't cry. I love you too, so much." That same unsettling feeling washed over me as the first time it said it. That hint of dishonesty in his voice that made me cry even harder inside._

"_Then make love to me." Whispering the words, I crawled onto my knees and looked straight into his eyes._

_In all our years together, we fucked on every possible piece of furniture and in every place imaginable, but he had yet to make love to me. Soft, sweet, gentle and tender was exactly what I needed today. I desperately wanted to be able to cling to something. Something that might expel these horrible thoughts from my mind and affirmate his sincere love for me._

"_Ofcourse, sweetie." He said as he sat upright and pushed me down onto my back, then he was hovering over me in the blink of an eye._

_His mouth covered mine and my eyes immediately fluttered closed as his tongue caressed mine softly, his hands hitching up my legs and moving them around his waist._

_He bunched up the fabric of my negligee, exposing my bare pussy and stomach to him. He pulled back from the kiss instantly, gazing down at my womanhood and licking his lips._

_All the while my mind kept screaming 'Too fast, too fast!', but before I could say anything Edward's mouth came crashing down on mine and he slid into me._

"_Fuck! I love this!" He said against my lips, silencing me by instantly thrusting his tongue into my opening mouth._

_I didn't want him to love our fucking, I wanted him to love me. Shutting down, I didn't object as he started pounding into me, hard, fast and not even close to affectionate._

"_Fuck, Tan,...just like that, baby!" He grunted and my brows rose in confusion, since I wasn't actually participating and wondered what the hell he was talking about. Looking at his face, I noticed his face was scrunched up from holding back or perhaps from concentrating hard on something and his eyes were clenched shut. His pace picked up impossibly faster and I thought he was going to rip my womb in half with the way he pounded into me. I needed for this to end, so I started to moan consistently, and then I screamed his name loudly. I felt cheap for faking, but I couldn't stand it anymore. My heart was breaking more with every passing second._

_I made myself clench around him, using my muscles and then he grunted softly, releasing deep inside of me._

_I could have cried, but didn't when he rolled off me and went straight to sleep._

_Staring up at the ceiling, the tears finally started to fall and about an hour into my crying fit, I heard it. It was soft, hardly a whisper, but still loud enough for me to hear._

"_I love you...Bella." With those words coming from his beautiful mouth, I slipped out of bed and started planning our break up._

_I couldn't throw my life away any longer by staying with a man who didn't even have the slightest amount of love for me. Locking myself away in the den, I put in my earbuds and listened to Beyoncé's 'Listen' over and over again, knowing the time had come for me to take a stand and take back control of my life. I couldn't follow him any longer. I needed to break free,...soon!_

_END FLASHBACK_

Having cried for over an hour, I finally took a deep breath and wiping my face, I headed up the stairs to get ready for tonight. Edward had to work a long shift tonight and he would be meeting us there, and I was planning to show him exactly what he was losing. I smiled to myself as I pulled exactly the right outfit out of its garment bag and picked out the killer heels to go with it.

_Tonight, I was going to blow them all away._

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**It's not that long a chapter, but I hope you'll like it anyway.**

**Leave me some love, my lovelies.**

**Hugs,**

**Shirley**


	12. Chapter 12 : Karaoke night

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight**

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews.**

**Alright Karaoke night.**

**I'm going to try and pace myself, since I tend to get carried away with music.**

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**BPOV**

Jasper had given me the afternoon off so I could do some last minute shopping with Rose. After browsing the windows of several stores, I had decided to just give up and whip something together at home. Rose had gotten her some skinny jeans, a metallic looking top and a pair of ankle boots. She looked stunning. Coming home, I had instantly dived into my closet and decided on a pair of bootleg jeans, boots and a brown top. I looked rather plain next to Rose, but it was only karaoke after all.

We were the first ones in the bar. Jasper had already rung that he was headed home and would be there shortly after picking up Emmett. Edward would be coming in later after his shift and Tanya would be coming as well, only no one knew when to expect her.

I refused to call her again, since she always brought up Cat and sitting here with Rose, while trying to avoid Tanya's questions would be nerve wrecking.

We both ordered a Margarita, chatting happily about our brothers. When Rosalie started talking about Emmett's impressive lenght, I thought I was going to be sick and I praised the heavens above to see our men strolling up to us just then, followed closely by Alice and James.

Alice looked like she had just stepped off a runway, with her satin pants and black top that fell off one shoulder, which she had finished off with a pair of black leather ankle boots.

I had to hold back my laughter when she reprimanded my brother for wearing his sneakers and he defended himself by saying it looked best underneath a pair of jeans. Then he went on and on about accessorizing and how the red of his sneakers matched his red shirt.

Jasper just looked at Emmett as if he had sprung a second head and I couldn't help but notice how delectable my man looked. He was wearing a pair of low bootcut jeans, a real typical cowboy shirt and a pair of short boots. I wanted to jump him right then and there.

"Look at my James. A nice pair of brown pants, a lovely dress shirt and a pair of leather shoes. That's how you dress when you go out, Emmett." Alice was ranting, breaking me away from the ogling contest I had going on.

"Well excuse me, for not wanting to look like a preppy, prissy little momma's boy." Emmett spat and turned his back on Alice, who looked so red I thought she might explode at any given moment.

"Alright, my peeps, let's get this party started!" Emmett announced when he got to the table and I would have fallen from the stool laughing, if Jasper wasn't standing right behind me and caught me.

"God, Em! There is so much wrong with that line, I..." I couldn't say more, because I was still trying to get myself back under control.

"She wouldn't even know where to start." Jasper finished for me, but he said it so seriously, so dryly, he had me roaring with laughter again.

I abruptly stopped laughing when I spotted his tousled mop of bronze hair coming closer towards us, but before we could say anything, Emmett jumped from his stool and ran towards his lifelong friend.

"You and me, buddy! Right now!" was all I heard over the loud noise, and my eyes followed them over to the DJ, where they started sifting through the pages of some book.

Alice and I started to talk about Cat, when Alice suddenly groaned and tried to hide herself behind her much bigger purse.

"Our brothers are so embarrassing." She said and I cocked my eyebrow to her, wondering what she meant. All I heard was a bad rendition of Akon's 'Smack That' and turning to look at the stage, sure enough there were Emmett and Edward making vulgar moves as Edward say Akon's part. Emmett got the good side of the stick, since he only had to sing a small part as Eminem.

I groaned and mimicked Alice, only hiding behind Jasper instead of an overweight and oversized purse.

He chuckled and just moved out of the way. That was when I noticed Edward's intent stare, directed straight at me. Whenever he would sing smack that and bring his hand down hard, as if smacking some unlucky girl in front of him, his eyes would burn with some emotion.

I started to feel really uncomfortable at his blatant ogling and I was obviously not the only one, as I heard Jasper growling from beside me.

"Oh oh, Tanya Alert." Rose called out, forming her hands into a megaphone around her mouth and I rolled my eyes, looking over at the newest addition of Hell's Karaoke Night.

Tanya had barely stepped inside, when she noticed Edward's stare...at me and turned around briskly.

_Well, that was a short visit._

_It was nice to see you._

_Goodbye._

_And now we'll all sing Hallelluyah._

I knew I was being unfair in my dislike of the girl, but she had been harassing me constantly about things that were not her bussiness.

I was downing Tequilla shots like they were lemonade, the Margarita's no longer doing it for me, when Tanya returned about half an hour later.

I grumbled to myself having believed her to have gone home and ignored Edward's inquisitive glance.

Tanya instantly locked eyes with me and I grabbed Jasper's hand desperately as soon as I saw the determined set of her jaw.

She was going to blow the lid off this thing if I didn't figure out something fast, so I did the last thing I had ever expected.

I pulled Jasper over to the DJ stand and started going over those goddamn titles.

When I saw Faith Hill and Tim McGraw's 'I need you' I squealed, the alcohol obviously starting to have some effect on me.

Jasper smirked his agreement and informed the man of our choice.

I made my way up the stage with a little push from Jasper, when I froze halfway up the steps.

"It'll be fine, darlin'. I'm here with you." He whispered, his hot breath caressing my skin in the most delicious way and making me immobile for an entirely different reason.

He chuckled in my ear, making my knees buckle and picked me up as if I were a feather, carrying me up those final steps bridal style.

My face was alight in embarrassment, but as he sat me to my feet and kissed me deeply, all nerves and feelings of shame washed away.

The music started and he took a step towards the mic, beckoning me over with his finger.

Wrapping his arms around my waist, he started to sing in that beautiful honey smooth voice of his.

His beautiful eyes locked with mine and he didn't look away, no matter what we heard the crowd calling out to us. Now, we were only singing for each other.

_**(Jasper)**_

_**I wanna drink that shot of whiskey  
I wanna smoke that cigarette  
I wanna smell that sweet addiction on my breath  
I wanna ride across West Virginia in the back seat of a Cadillac  
You know some cowboys like me go out like that  
So I need you  
Like a needle needs a vein  
Like my uncle Joe in Oklahoma needs a rain  
And I need you  
Like a lighthouse on a coast  
Like the father and the son need the Holy Ghost  
I need you  
**_

I felt nervous and it became hard to breathe, but with one squeeze Jasper managed to settle me down and I started to sing, right on time._**  
**_

_**(Bella)  
I wanna get lost in some corner booth, Cantina Mexico  
I wanna dance to the static of an AM radio  
I wanna wrap the moon around us, lay beside you skin on skin  
Make love til the sun comes up, til the sun goes down again  
Cause I need you**_

_**Like a needle needs a vein  
Like uncle Joe in Oklahoma needs a rain  
I need you  
Like a lighthouse needs a coast  
Like the father and the son need the Holy Ghost  
I need you, oooh I need you  
**_

When Jasper started to sing again, I chanced a look at my table and saw them all starting at us in wonder, except for Edward who wore that same pained face I had grown accustomed to for the last couple of months. I grinned to myself and quickly looked back at Jasper, whose love was shining in those eyes. Every word he sung rang with the honesty and the love in his heart.

_**(Jasper)  
I wanna drink that shot of whiskey  
I wanna smoke that cigarette  
You know some cowboys like me go out like that  
So I need you, wohh I need you  
I need you I need you I need you, I nee-ed you **_

"Wow, you guys are good, like real good, like professional good." Rose gushed as soon as we joined them at the table again and I could feel my face turning ten shades of red again.

"Yeah, Robsten eat your heart out, here comes Jasperella!" exclaimed my goofy brother and I just laughed off his silliness.

"Isn't that a little long?" Tanya interjected, her face scrunched up and a frown etched deeply on her face.

"You're right. How about Bellsper?" Jasper joined into the idiocracy and I rolled my eyes at him.

He just shrugged and looked at me as if to say 'what's the harm?'.

"I still think Jasperella is better." Rose huffed and with that she got up and headed for the stage.

Rose sang a beautiful "Eternal Flame", keeping her eyes locked with Emmett the entire time.

The entire bar went quiet as she sang her heart out.

As for me, I was growing more anxious as the time went by, watching the glares and stares coming from Tanya and Edward, not to mention drunk as hell.

I seriously needed the liquid courage, because everything inside of me was screaming that something very wrong was going to happen tonight.

My suspicions were confirmed when Tanya got up and Edward didn't even look at her. I wanted to smack him up the head for being such a douchebag, but just bit my lip and stayed quiet.

Tanya moved on stage and made an announcement before singing her song, something no one had done so far.

"This one is for the love of my life. He's here tonight and I just wanted to tell him how our life would be from tonight on." with those words, a familiar song started to play.

Edward had briefly looked over at her, when she started to talk, but almost instantly returned his stare to me.

_**You have a way of coming easily to me  
And when you take, you take the very best of me  
So I start a fight cause I need to feel something  
And you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted  
**_

She looked straight at me when she sung the last line and I unconsciously moved closer to Jasper, leaning back against his hard, defined chest.

_**Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day  
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say  
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through  
I've never been anywhere cold as you**_

_**You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray  
And I stood there loving you and wished them all away  
And you come away with a great little story  
Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you**_

_**Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day  
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say  
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through  
I've never been anywhere cold as you**_

_**You never did give a damn thing honey but I cried, cried for you  
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you  
(Died for you)**_

_**Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day  
Every smile you fake is so condescending  
Counting all the scars you made  
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through  
I've never been anywhere cold as you  
**_

Edward had been sitting motionless throughout the entire song, looking either at me or his hands.

Ofcourse none of it had gone unnoticed by the others, who were all looking at me questioningly, so I just shrugged and shook my head to convey that I had no idea what this was all about.

I thought briefly that Edward was interested in me, but pushed away that thought almost immediatly.

He had had his chance and he didn't want me then, I'd have been a fool to wait around for him.

Tanya cleared her throat into the microphone and we all turned towards her, including Edward.

She ran her hands over her dark gray tube dress and then smirked directly at Edward.

"All of this, baby,...will never be yours again." She glared at me briefly and got off stage.

I heard Edward cursing and before anyone could ask what had happened between the two of them, he ran out of the door, knocking over the stool he was sitting on in the process.

Tanya stopped at our table and knocked back my shot, before turning at me with a murderous glare.

"You, little missy, are going to tell him the truth, tell all of them the truth. I'm sick of all the lies, the deceiving. So full of it!" She ranted, before grabbing her coat and leaving as well.

Only to leave everyone else staring, directly at me.

_Fuck my life!_

_

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**Wow, finally!**

**I know you guys have waited a long time for an update, but I had no inspiration what so ever for anything besides my crossover 'Save my body'. **

**I'm so sorry you had to wait this long.**

**Anyway, I hope you guys liked it.**

**Please leave me some love if you did.**

**Love,**

**Shirley**


	13. Chapter 13 : Used

**Disclaimer : I don't own Twilight. But however I do own these plot bunnies.**

**13 is an unlucky number and this will be a not so cheery chapter. How coincidental.**

**And now I'm just being random.**

**Anyway, thank you all for your lovely reviews and let's get this show on the roll.**

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**Song to accompany this chapter : Brick by boring brick – Paramore**

_**She lives in a fairy tale  
Somewhere too far for us to find  
Forgotten the taste and smell  
Of the world that she's left behind  
**_

_**It's all about the exposure the lens I told her  
The angles were all wrong now  
She's ripping wings off of butterflies  
keep your feet on the ground  
when your head's in the clouds**_

_**Well go get your shovel  
And we'll dig a deep hole  
To bury the castle, bury the castle  
Well go get your shovel  
And we'll dig a deep hole  
To bury the castle, bury the castle  
Ba da ba ba da ba ba da  
**_

_**So one day he found her crying  
Coiled up on the dirty ground  
Her prince finally came to save her  
And the rest you can figure out  
But it was a trick  
**_

_**And the clock struck twelve  
Well make sure to build your home brick by boring brick  
or the wolf's gonna blow it down  
keep your feet on the ground  
when your head's in the clouds  
**_

_**Well go get your shovel  
And we'll dig a deep hole  
To bury the castle, bury the castle  
Well go get your shovel  
And we'll dig a deep hole  
To bury the castle, bury the castle  
Whoa oooh whoa oooh**_

_**Well you built up a world of magic  
Because your real life is tragic  
Yeah you built up a world of magic  
**_

_**If it's not real  
You can't hold it in your hand  
You can't feel it with your heart  
And I won't believe it  
**_

_**But if it's true  
You can see it with your eyes  
Oh even in the dark  
And that's where I want to be, yeah  
**_

_**Go get your shovel  
We'll dig a deep hole  
To bury the castle, bury the castle  
Well go get your shovel  
and we'll dig a deep hole  
To bury the castle, bury the castle  
ba da ba ba da ba ba da...**_

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**JPOV**

We all looked at Bella expectantly after Tanya's words, but she just flushed while shaking her head.

Alice got up from her seat, obviously intent on getting Bella's secret out in the open, but Bella got up from her seat before Alice could get to her, and ran outside.

I wanted so badly to run after her, but knowing she was keeping something from me was disconcerting. We had just gotten engaged and were set on getting married. She shouldn't be keeping secrets from me. Surely, she must have known she could come to me with anything.

I loved her more than life itself.

Rose rose from her seat, looking at the door and started for it, only to be pulled back by Emmett.

"If it's time to come clean, she will" was all he said to my pouting sister, and strangely enough she seemed to accept it, because with a curt nod she sat back down at the table.

All gazes suddenly landed on me and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

"Don't look at me, I know just as little as you gys. Probably even less." I hadn't meant for that last line to come out quite as bitter, but it did.

The others noticed and started grilling me on anything I knew about my soon-to-be-wife, as well as what I migh have meant before. I kicked myself eternally for letting that little afterthought slip and ignored them as I called out at the bartender to bring us some more alcohol.

James got a call from his father and left, leaving an uncaring Alice behind.

I kicked myself for not paying attention before and only just then noticing the silent animosity between them. Something was off between them as well.

I couldn't really pretend to care thought as my mind kept conjuring up different possibilities of this secret Bella had. A secret big enough to make her run from us. Rose was getting handsy, spurred on by the alcohol and Emmett had to literally pry her off of him constantly, before excusing himself as politely, for him anyway, by exclaiming "Excuse me, gorgeous people, but I have a girlfriend to do.' With those words, they practically ran outside and left me sitting with Alice.

"What the hell happened here tonight?" I slurred, still sitting in the same spot, three hours later. I had my head on top of my hands, but my elbow kept sliding away, making me head the table with my chin repeatedly.

It happened again for the sixth time, when I decided to just shift to another position. Folding my hands and putting them flat on the table, I rested my heavy head on top of it as I looked at Alice through squinted eyes. I wondered how I could still sound so normal, but apparently my sentences only made sense to me as Alice giggled and gave me a 'What the fuck did you just say' look.

Instead of trying to explain myself again, I chuckled along with Alice and hollered for the bartender to bring us another shot, since the waiters along with the other customers had all left quite some time ago.

"Bellaa ruwning atta hiya." I even hiccuped half way through my slurred words and Alice nodded, to let me know she understood at least this much.

"She doesn't want to tell us about fucking my brother." She giggled and I just stared at her mouth, awed at the way she could still form words without any problem what so ever.

That is, until her words finally caught up with my foggy brain.

"Whassss! Edvart!" I stumbled to my feet, knocking over my stool in my hurry and Alice looked up at me with something aching to concern. Slamming some money to the table, she grabbed me by the arm and dragged me outside with her.

The entire time my mind was on a rampage.

_She fucked Edward?_

_When?_

_Was that the reason Tanya broke up with him?_

_Was she intending to keep this from me forever?_

_She fucked Edward behind my back!_

_God fucking damn!_

_I could not just let her get away with that!_

_She was MY fiancée!_

_You don't go around fucking behind your man's back!_

_You just don't!_

_When she ran, did she go after Edward?_

_Was she fucking him right now?_

_I'm gonna kill the son of a bitch!_

Alice didn't say anything as she took out her cell and called for a cab.

"Ma cur..." I slurred, pointing over to my truck, but she just shook her head and gave the other person on the line the adress of the karaoke bar.

"Gossa kell Edvart!" I mumbled, swaying and making Alice grip my arm tighter.

When the cab arrived, she practically shoved my ass into the back seat, before joining me and then she mentioned an adress that sounded an awful lot like the Cullen place, but I couldn't be sure.

"Whez Jeems?" I asked, looking around me and then facepalming myself, because James had left hours ago. My hand didn't slap me on the forehead as intended, instead hitting me on the nose and somehow my finger even managed to poke me in the eye.

"Fuuuuuck!" I said, blinking furiously from the uninvited intrusion and trying to watch Alice as she buckled me in.

"He's probably busy fucking his other girlfriend right now." Alice dropped a bomb on me, but it took me four blocks to catch up to what she was saying.

"Tam seeters and oressss!" I blurted, swaying my fist angrily. Alice just chuckled, before looking at me with the saddest expression I had ever seen on her face. It made me want to hug and comfort her.

"Cheaters and whores for sure." She said in acknowledgement, before turning her face away to gaze at the darkness outside.

She scooted closer to me and wrapped her arms around me and with my head pressed into her chest, I asked the one thing that could possibly break me.

"Edvart and Bel'a, when?" I looked up at her, hope and fear coursing through me. Hope that it had been a long time ago and didn't jeopardize our relationship, fear that it would have been recent and she cheated on me. Something I had never thought her capable of.

Alice looked down at me, brushing a few strands of my hair out of my face as she visibly debated telling me or not.

"My brother wants her, I can see it in his eyes. And Bella has been acting completely out of whack lately, so what do you think?" Alice said and with that she shattered all my hopes and dreams.

It was true. I had seen how agitated and nervous she got, whenever we would be going somewhere with Edward present. I just never figured it would have been because she was doing him behind my back.

I kept silent as Alice ran her hands through my hair and whispered soothing words into my ear.

Honestly, I didn't give a shit right now, except for the pain that threatened to take me under.

I wanted her to feel this kind of pain, pain she had caused me so easily.

When Alice pulled me up the stairs and into her bedroom, I didn't once protest.

"You're such a good man, Jasper. You don't deserve this." She said and then her lips were on mine.

Something in the back of my mind screamed I didn't want this, that I needed to stop it before it was too late. But my heart was broken, my mind incapitated by pain and booze, and my body, it just needed comfort and warmth. I watched as she rid herself of her clothes and danced seductively for me, but I just stood there. Thoughts of Edward and Bella running through my mind.

Finally, I snapped. Rage overtaking every inch of me at their lying, deceiving ways and I gave into the call of this siren.

I was so wasted, she had to suck my cock for almost an hour, before I was anywhere near hard enough to do anything. Seeing my lack of enthusiasm, she pushed me down onto the bed and as soon as my back made contact with the soft satin sheets, she was on top of me.

"God, I've wanted you for so long, Jasper." She said, and even though I noticed her lips moving and I could hear what she was saying, the gravity of what was happening was completely lost to me.

I groaned loudly as my dick was suddenly engulfed into something moist and warm, but I didn't register the necessary feelings that I associated with sex and just stared up at the ceiling.

Alice was not nearly as tight as my Bella, nor did she feel as good. So I just kept staring up at that ceiling as she rode my dick hard, screaming profanities mixed in with my name, while I struggled to stay awake.

As she screamed my name with her orgasm, I startled and looked down at our linked bodies.

My eyes grew wide with the realization and I quickly pushed her off me, turning to my side and mumbling over and over again that this had not happened.

"Oh yes, it did happen, Jasper. Don't you dare give me this shit now!" Alice yelled as she pushed me flat onto my back again.

She started ranting about James, Bella, Edward and some skank named Lauren, but I couldn't for the life in me pay attention. I was too sick and tired of everything, not too mention piss drunk.

Even before she finished her rant, I passed out.

I woke up with a killer headache and grabbing the pillow underneath my head to put on my face and hide from the glaring sun, I instantly felt the satin fabric. A fabric which was nothing like we used for bedding. I shot up in the bed and in doing so had to hold my head. The room spun on its axes, but when I saw the short haired girl lying next to me, memories of last night flooded into my mind again. I could feel the bile rise and hurried out of the bed to the ensuite bathroom, where I lost everything I had had to eat and drink the day prior.

_No!_

_Tell me, it isn't true!_

_I didn't sleep with Alice._

_Alice as in Bella's best friend!_

_Fuck!_

As I walked back into the bedroom, Alice was sitting up in the bed and staring right at me.

"I'm..." She started, but I decided to cut her off right there.

"You're what? Sorry? Save it! You didn't seem too sorry when you were taking advantage of my drunken ass, Alice! Just...This...it never happened! Okay?" I said, gathering my clothes from the floor and putting them on as quickly as I could.

"But it did, Jasper. And it's meant to be. I've seen it, in my dreams. I'm never wrong about these things." The bitch had some nerve and I was quickly losing my patience with her. Balling my hands into fists, I growled at her "This never happened!"

With those words, I left her and even though I heard her wails through the walls as I walked towards the staircase, I couldn't find it in me to care.

She had done the worst thing imaginable to me.

She took advantage of my drunken state and made a cheater out of me.

Passing Carlisle and Esme, I didn't even stop to say hello as I headed straight for the front door and slammed it closed behind me, once I got outside.

_I just hope Alice can keep her trap shut!_

_

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**Well this was chapter 13.**

**The beginning of the end.**

**For Jasper and Bella at least.**

**I feel so sorry for Jasper right now.**

**Anyway, I hope you guys liked it.**

**Review please.**

**Love,**

**Shirley**


	14. Chapter 14 : Clarify

**Disclaimer : I don't own Twilight**

**Thank you all for your lovely review. First an Edward chapter about his night with Bella and then the next chapter will be the explosion you've all been waiting for.**

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**Song to accompany this chapter : Heartbreak Warfare – John Mayer**

_**Lightning strikes  
Inside, my chest to keep me up at night  
Dream of ways  
To make you understand my pain**_

_**Clouds of sulfur in the air  
Bombs are falling everywhere  
It's heartbreak warfare  
Once you want it to begin,  
No one really ever wins  
In heartbreak warfare**_

_**If you want more love,  
why don't you say so?  
If you want more love,  
why don't you say so?**_

_**Drop his name  
Push it in and twist the knife again  
Watch my face  
As I pretend to feel no pain pain pain**_

_**Clouds of sulfur in the air  
Bombs are falling everywhere  
It's heartbreak warfare  
Once you want it to begin,  
No one really ever wins  
In heartbreak warfare.**_

_**If you want more love,  
why don't you say so?  
If you want more love,  
why don't you say so?**_

_**Just say so...**_

_**How come the only way to know how high you get me  
is to see how far I fall  
God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me  
but I can't break through it all.**_

_**It's a heart heartbreak...**_

_**I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight  
Let's just fix this whole thing now  
I swear to God we're gonna get it right  
If you lay your weapon down  
Red wine and ambien  
You're talking shit again, it's heartbreak warfare  
Good to know it's all a game  
Disappointment has a name, it's heartbreak, heartbreak.**_

_**It's heartbreak warfare.  
It's heartbreak warfare.  
It's heartbreak warfare. **_

_**

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**_

**EPOV**

Sitting on the pavement, I stared out into the cold, dark night and pitied myself.

I didn't mind losing Tanya, since I had never really felt committed to her. The embarrasment she caused me though, that was something I had easily could have done without.

I couldn't understand her need to publicly humiliate me in such a way.

I hadn't been the most attentive boyfriend, but I did offer her a future, stability and a home.

The worst part was when she looked directly at Bella which such hatred, it was plain for all to see that Tanya believed her to be the one I wanted.

Only minutes later she sent another one of her evil death glares at my Bella and that was exactly the moment I couldn't take it anymore.

The truth was going to come out and everyone was going to either hate or pity me.

They might hate me for being such a pussy and running. Then there was also the fact that I had been stringing Tanya along for years and girls just didn't dig that kind of thing.

They'd probably string me up by the balls before I could explain myself.

Still I preferred their hatred over their pity.

I had been pitying myself for long enough, I didn't need to see it on anyone else's face.

I especially didn't want to see it on Bella's face.

The sound of the door opening made me look up and there she was, standing right underneath a street lamp and looking more beautiful than ever.

As I looked her up and down, I finally reached her face and saw those fat tears rolling down her face. My heart clenched uncomfortably at the sight of her tears and before I knew what I was doing, I had gotten up to my feet and running towards her.

"Bella?" I sounded breathless and her name was lost in my loud gasps for air. My arms instinctively went around her small frame and pulled her closer to me, my hand moving on its own accord to catch the falling tears and wipe them all away.

"What happened?" I asked, while her small, soft body shook against mine.

"Tanya..." My growl cut her off before she could say anything else than the bitch's name and she looked up at me in surprise.

"Edward." She gasped as she saw my face, which I'm sure showed the dislike I was currently feeling towards my ex. The sound brought back memories of long ago, when she had gasped my name in a similar way, albeit for an entirely different reason.

I looked down at her and even though I didn't know what she saw in my eyes, I still knew I wasn't hiding my feelings very well. My suspicions were confirmed as Bella's eyes widened and she moved to step out of my embrace.

"Bella, I..." I started, not really knowing how to continue, but she saved me the trouble by shaking her head furiously.

"Don't please, Edward. I...We need to talk." Those simple words made me feel like an awkward teenager again. Dread crept up inside of me at the prospect of having something similar to a break up talk in which she tells me she only wants me as her friend.

I nodded wordlessly and escorted her over to my car. To my surprise she didn't argue or hesitate, as she slid into the passenger seat instantly.

The drive to my parents house was uncomfortable to say the least. Neither one of us spoke, opting to stare blindlessly at the road ahead of us and filling every ounce of the car with silent tension.

I had decided to take her to my parent's house because Tanya might be packing up her shit in mine. The only public places that were still open were smelly, noisy bars and we needed a place to relax and talk without having to scream at the top of our lungs, resulting to not being able to talk in the morning. The house were I grew up was a place where we both felt comfortable and knowing my mom, we had food and drinks in abundance, in case Bella craved for something.

Driving up the gravel road which lead up to the house, I could see Bella stiffen for a second, before she visibly relaxed and exhaled noisily.

I wondered what that was all about, but she didn't offer any explanation.

"What are we doing here?" She questioned, looking into my eyes and taking away my breath.

I couldn't speak, trapped in those swirling pools of chocolate and wondering if she even knew the effect she had on me.

"Edward?" I gasped due to the sudden uninvoluntarily reaction of her simply saying my name, which was already straining against my pants. I shifted in my seat, trying to hide the erection I was sporting before getting out of my car.

Thinking of dead puppies, naked, old shriveled up nuns and my mother finally killed my boner and I exhaled heavily in relief.

I got out of the Volvo swiftly and made my way to the passenger's side, only to be disappointed when Bella had already opened her own door.

_This is not a date, Edward._

_You are here to talk, nothing more._

"I thought it would be easier to talk than some bar and less uncomfortable than either of our homes." I said, to which she looked pensive for a full minute before finally nodding.

I let out a hissing sound as my breath finally escaped after her reflective moment and I startled at the sound. I hadn't even noticed I had been holding my breath and the unwelcome intrusion of the silence had spooked me. I kicked myself for acting like such a scared pussy and placed my hand on the small of Bella's back, guiding her to the front door of my childhood home.

I took the key from underneath the flower pot and unlocked the front door, gesturing for her to go first. Bella knew the house like the back of her hand and walked straight towards the living room, without switching on any of the lights.

I went into the cellar first and grabbed a bottle of Chianti, before grabbing two glasses in the kitchen, along with a bowl of cheese.

Bella's eyes widened as I switched on the living room light and walked in holding wine and cheese.

She shifted uncomfortably on the big white leather couch, her entire body tense as if preparing itself to run at any second. Her eyes shifted suspiciously between mine and the bottle of wine in my hand.

"I thought it would be easier, instead of constantly running back to the kitchen." I tried to explain, but then quickly shut my mouth again as she cocked on of those perfect eyebrows at me.

"Wine, Edward?" She asked, her lips pursed and brow furrowed in confusion.

"It relaxes me." I offered, shrugging my shoulders before pouring each of us a glass.

She seemed hesitant to take it, but did so anyway. She stuck her nose in the glass for a second and then smiled approvingly, before putting it to her lips and taking a small sip.

I was staring at her, completely mesmerized by her mouth when she looked back up at me.

"So I said we needed to talk." She started, effectively snapping me out of the mouth staring contest I had going on.

My entire body went rigid with those simple words and I nodded curtly, not sure enough of my voice to speak.

"There is something very important I have to tell you, but first I wanted to talk about this thing between us. Tanya made it seem like..." Bella trailed off unsurely, her eyes frantically glancing around the room.

"Still have feelings for you?" I finished her question for her, knowing very well how Tanya had acted earlier tonight and the assumptions she would surely have uttered while I was outside.

I watched Bella closely as several emotions played across her face, until she settled on disbelief and gasped.

"Still?" Her incredulous shriek caught me by surprise and soon my mind was a whirlwind of hopeful exclamations.

_Maybe she just didn't know how I felt!_

_Maybe she didn't understand we had made love and not just fucked!_

_I was such a pig!_

_I don't blame her!_

_Fuck!_

_I should have told her!_

_I should have just manned up and laid it all on the line!_

_But I was a coward!_

_I ran and all this time she didn't know!_

_It was making love, woman!_

_But she didn't know!_

_She was a virgin after all._

_Fuck!_

_I've been such an idiot!_

_Maybe, just maybe, there is still hope._

My thoughts were in perfect harmony with my feelings as hope filled me, my chest swelling with a sense of euphoria that was ready to be released with one single word of her.

"I've always loved you, Bella. Always." I said honestly, suddenly feeling like a young kid again, wishing someone would pick me for their team.

Before high school I had been a rather short kid, often ridiculed by other kids my age and shun by those that didn't bully me. I hid it well and my parents, sister or Bella never found out. The only one who knew was Emmett and he had taken me under his wing the fifth day of my shortlived torture.

He wanted to tell my parents, but not before beating up anyone who dared picking on me.

Lyle Cleveland thought he had the balls to stand against Emmett and my class had been rooting for him, but when he went home that day limping, the other kids left me alone.

That didn't mean I was popular by any means. Most kids just kept on ignoring me, acting like I was air to them. Alice didn't notice, since she was always off in her own world and she kept Bella occupied for me.

So when I got to middle school and later high school, I couldn't be happier with the sudden popularity and attention bestowed upon me. I didn't give a rat's ass about these people, but it was fun to toy with those people that had treated me bad once. Also, it did wonders for my bruised ego.

I had known Bella my entire life and although I had always been very fond of her, the feelings I had for her intensified the day she set foot at Forks High School.

I was in my Sophomore year and she was a freshman. I could still see it right now.

_Flashback_

_Alice had been whining about my clothes all morning and I couldn't be happier to hear the honk, signalling Emmett had arrived._

_Emmett had just gotten his license and I was excited to go to school without my sister's nagging or my mother's fussing in the morning._

_I grabbed my book bag and practically ran down the stairs, shouting my goodbyes just before slamming the door closed._

"_You ready for another day of hell?" Emmett asked as he revved the engine. I just smirked at him and shrugged. It wasn't hell for either of us. Girls threw themselves at us, we had the opportunity to play the sports we loved and secretly I loved studying, while Emmett had some of the geeky girls doing his homework. I'd actually say life was good._

_We got to school with twenty minutes to spare and Emmett cranked his stereo, while I crawled onto his hood. It only took Ginny Carlson half a minute to find us and I groaned at the sight of her._

_Ginny was one of Emmett's geeky girls, even though she couldn't let an opportunity go by to tell me, she'd do me as well._

_So far for geeky._

_Make it a slutty dork._

"_Hey Edward." She greeted me, placing her hand on my arm and smiling shyly up at me._

_Ugh!_

_Is this chick for real?_

_I don't do seconds._

"_Emmett's back there." I said, jutting my thumb out towards the driver's seat._

_Her face fell visibly, but I just ignored her since my eyes had been glued to the chest of this big boobed blonde._

_The blonde approached me rapidly, her tits bouncing with every step._

_No fucking bra!_

_This has to be my lucky day!_

"_Hey Edward." The bimbo purred as she crawled onto the hood with me._

"_Hello yourself." I smirked, my eyes still glued to her chest._

_Are those fuckers real?_

_Damn!_

_What did her parents feed her?_

_Silicone formula?_

_She bent over to whisper in my ear, giving me a perfect view of her unsupported goods._

"_Fuck." I hissed, running my hands through my hair and adverting my gaze, hoping to get rid of the erection she had just caused me._

"_Meet me here for lunch,..." I didn't know her name so I trailed off. The indifference was obvious in my voice, but she still needed to get a piece of me as she whispered her name in my ear._

"_Cindy Bryce." I vaguely heard it, since my eyes and mind were now stuck on my mother's car driving up._

_I pushed off the car, not wanting to be spotted like this when my mom could see me._

_I watched my sister emerge from the car, but she didn't close the door behind her like expected._

_Instead the most beautiful creature ever to walk the face of this earth, got out._

_Bella Swan was wearing a pair of bootcut jeans that fit her perfectly._

_The top she was wearing was beaded and slightly higher in the middle, giving me a droolworthy view of her toned stomach. Just like that, the erection I had been fighting, was back full force._

_End flashback_

My interest for her had been peeked that day and my feelings started to grow. With each passing day, I found myself falling harder for the innocent angel. I would, often to the anger of my coach, find myself staring at her during practice, when her squad was rehearsing their routines.

The night of my graduation party, I had seen her in that outfit my sister most likely put her in and nearly died on the spot. The urge to go to her was great, but my sister's words kept running through my mind, so I tried my best to ignore Bella.

Only when she was dancing with that dickhead Mike Newton, I stepped up to the plate. The possessiveness and jealousy that ran through me had taken me by surprise and right then and there I knew it would be useless to keep avoiding her. I thought the need to be with her would disappear after sleeping with her. I really believed it was just a chase thing, only to be overwhelmed by the depths of my feelings the moment I slid home. I knew right then and there that she was the only one for me.

I don't know how long I had been lost in thoughts, but when I came back to reality, Bella was no longer sitting in front of me.

I frantically looked around the living room, only to find her standing in the doorway to the music room.

"Would you play for me?" She asked timidly, shuffling her feet nervously. I nodded and got up, aprehension made my movement sluggishly or maybe it was the amount of alcohol I already had in my system. I thanked providence for having made my parents smart enough to sound proof the room or I'd be waking their asses up right about now.

I sat down behind my piano, letting my hands slide down the beautiful mahogany. I had always loved this piano, it felt like an extension of me.

Bella sat down next me and I could almost feel her body heat radiating off of her and warming me in the process. With her present, it wasn't too hard to decide on a song and I started to play the song I had once composed with her in mind. I played 'Bella's Lullaby'.

I watched her the entire time, my heart rejoicing each time my song made her smile and clenching painfully when tears would form in her eyes. Her sympathy and compassion as she 'felt' the song was amazing and I could feel myself falling even harder for her.

_No, don't!_

_You're already in too deep!_

_Don't make yourself even more vulnerable!_

_She still hasn't answered your admission._

_Does she feel the same?_

_Did she?_

As if she could read my mind, she placed her hand on mine, effectively stopping me from playing the rest of the lullaby.

"I loved you too. I had loved you for years." The whispered words seemed to scream inside my head.

_Loved._

_Had!_

_Fuck!_

_She loved me back then!_

_I fucked it all up!_

_She doesn't love me anymore!_

I composed my face in an emotionless mask, not wanting her to see my pain.

"Jasper is a wonderful man and he is so good to me, Edward, you wouldn't even believe it. He made me come to life again after you left. Because believe it or not, with you gone I was nothing but a shell. An empty, ugly human being who didn't even try to live. The only thing that kept me going was my beautiful baby girl. I was gray. And when he finally came into my life, there was color again. He did that, Edward. Jasper saved me." To hear _his _name said with such adoration, such love was like pushing the knife even deeper and twisting it for good measure.

I fought hard against the agony which was threatening to consume me.

"Why did you leave?" My voice sounded strong, but inside I was a mess. I needed to know though. She said she had loved me and that little statement had me wondering about her reasons for leaving me.

Bella seemed to be lost in thought for a while as I waited patiently for her to explain. I debated grabbing myself another glass of wine, while I waited, but just when I wanted to get up, she spoke.

"I woke up alone. I knew the reputation you had with girls and still jumped at the chance of being with you, because I was completely smitten with you. I had hoped I would be different,...more. But then I woke up alone and I was shattered, Edward. I couldn't stay there any longer. You being gone, proved to me that I was just another conquest. I went against everyone that ever warned me about you and followed my heart, only to have it broken in return. I knew if Alice would find me, she would give me shit about it. She never wanted me to fall prey to you and here I had gone behind her back. The best thing for me was to leave. I was a mess, broken and that's why it took me a while to come by the house again. But even then, I hoped you would come to me. I wished and prayed every day for you to tell me you had been a stupid jack ass. I wanted you to want me. And then out of the blue, you were gone. And it killed me. For a very long time, it killed me. Only when I met Jasper did I learn to let go of it. Slowly but surely, I got over you." Every single word of her was like another knife being plunged into my heart and the self-loathing grew once again.

I knew I had been a bastard to girls. I deserved nothing better than I was getting.

_Karma's a bitch!_

"Why did you leave?" She asked and I found myself looking at her in confusion. I hadn't really left, I was just downstairs. I kicked myself internally again, because Bella couldn't have known that. For all I knew, she might have believed me at the neighbours for a quickie with the granddaughter.

If it had been anyone besides Bella, that actually might have been true. Except for the fact, I always kicked girls out of my bed and house as soon as I had gotten off.

_Fuck, I was such a grade A asshole back then!_

"I went downstairs to get you some breakfast." I answered her honestly and her eyes instantly widened with the realization that I had never left her. Her eyes glistened with the tears that started to form and before I could stop myself I was holding her. She felt amazing in my arms and I wanted to keep her there forever, but even I had to admit defeat at times.

Rubbing her back soothingly and trying not to acknowledge the way she felt pressed up against me, I forced myself not to hope. Jasper held her heart now and it would do no good to want something as unobtainable as Bella. Ofcourse, that's easier said then done.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry, Edward." Maybe it was my overactive imagination, but she almost sounded as heartbroken as I felt.

"It's okay, love. It's all in the past." I didn't know what I had said wrong, but as soon as the words left my mouth, Bella pulled out of my embrace.

We stared each other down for a second, until I couldn't take the scrutiny anymore and headed back into the living room for some more wine.

We both froze as we heard Alice's voice scream Jasper's name from upstairs.

I instantly turned around to look at Bella, who had a disbelieving look on her face.

I rushed to her, but she pushed me away as soon as I reached her.

"Oh yes, it did happen, Jasper. Don't you dare give me this shit now!" Alice's voice rang clear throughout the house and my worry for Bella grew.

Just before I could reach her again, Bella sank to the floor.

_I guess her perfect Jasper isn't that perfect after all._

I scooped her up in my arms and carried her outside, where I put her down in the rocking chair.

Bella didn't speak as she stared blankly in front of her. The only sign that she was still alive was the soft moving of her chest as she breathed and her shivers.

I hurried inside and got her a woolen blanket, covering her up quickly, so she wouldn't freeze.

I took a seat in the rocking chair opposite from hers and stared at the woodwork of the porch.

I must have fallen asleep, because next thing I knew the front door slammed and I found myself staring at Jasper fucking Hale.

Jasper didn't even acknowledge my presence as he looked at Bella with fear and guilt written all over his face, making him look like a deer caught in the headlights.

_Fuck!_

_This can't end well._

_The shit has hit the fan._

_Does this mean I get another chance with Bella?_

_

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**Wow, this was one hell of a long chapter.**

**I think my brain got fried with this one.**

**Please review**

**and I'll see you all when the bomb goes off.**

**It's been a long time coming.**

**Love,**

**Shirley**


	15. Chapter 15 : Leave

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight**

**Thank you all for the lovely reviews. Mucho gracias, a lot of thanks, veel dank, merci beaucoup, Vielen Dank, ...**

**I think you all get the point.**

**I'm sorry about the wait, but I have been abroad on my vacation. Back now though *winks***

**So are you all ready for the big blow out scene? It might not be as aggressive as you want, but I hope you will still like it.**

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**Song to accompany this chapter : Leave Get out – JoJo**

_**I've been waiting all day for ya babe  
so won't you come sit and talk to me  
and tell me how we're gonna be together always  
Hope you know that when this late at night  
I hold on to a pillow tight  
I think 'bout how you promised me forever  
I never thought that anyone could make me feel this way  
Now that you're here boy all I want is just a chance to say**_

_**Get out (leave) right now  
It's the end of you and me  
It's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone  
cause I know about her (move)  
and I wonder (why) how I bought all the lies  
You said that you would treat me right  
but you was just a waste of time (waste of time)**_

_**Tell me why you looking so confused  
when I'm the one that didn't know the truth  
How could you ever be so cold?  
You go behind my back and call my friend  
Boy you must've fall and bumped your head  
because you left her number on your phone  
So now that after all that you've said and done  
Maybe I'm the one to blame but  
to think the one that you could be the one  
Well it didn't work out that way**_

_**Get out (leave) right now  
It's the end of you and me  
It's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone (you to be gone)  
cause I know about her (move)  
and I wonder (why) how I bought all the lies (all the lies)  
You said that you would treat me right (you said that you)  
but you was just a waste of time (waste of time)**_

_**I wanted you right here with me  
but I have no choice you've got to leave  
because my heart is breaking with  
Every word I'm saying, I gave up everything I had  
on something that just would not last  
but I refuse to cry  
No tears will fall from these eyes (ohh, ohh)**_

_**Get out**_

_**Get out (leave) right now  
It's the end of you and me (you and me)  
It's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone (you to be gone)  
cause I know about her (move)  
and I wonder (why) how I bought all the lies (how did I …)  
You said that you would treat me right (you said that you)  
but you was just a waste of time (waste of time)**_

_**Get out (leave) right now  
It's the end of you and me (hey yeah)  
It's too late (now) and I can't wait for you to be gone (you to be gone)  
cause I know about her (move)  
and I wonder (why) how I bought all the lies  
You said that you would treat me right (treat me right)  
but you was just a waste of time (waste of time)**_

_**Get out (leave) (you and me)  
It's too late (too late) (now)**_

_**About her (now) (why)**_

_**You said that you would treat me right  
but you was just a waste of time (ohh)**_

_**

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**BPOV**

I could feel my already fragile heart breaking as I stared at the guilt-ridden face of who was supposed to be my soon to be husband. I just stared, seeing his beauty, his guilt, his pain and I broke. Every wound he had once fixed ripped open viciously and the small part that had still been whole, was now being ripped open at the seams. I held onto that last speck of dignity, forcing myself to shut down and hide my emotions. The pain was so overwhelming, it made me tremble with the amount of restraint I needed to force it down. Jasper stared at me as well, never moving from his frozen stance. His left foot was positioned slight in front of his right, from where he had been intent on leaving earlier. The front door flew open suddenly and Alice appeared in a skimpy negligee.

"Jasper, please co-" She grabbed Jasper's arm and then startled when she noticed me standing there.

Her eyes went to something on my right and I guessed it was Edward, since she looked beseechingly in that direction. Her eyes became filled with desperation as if she was begging her brother to help her out of this situation. I could hear a disgusted sound coming from behind me and then two warm hands were placed on my arms.

The gentle touch felt wonderful on my cold skin, but did nothing to alleviate the tension from my body. Spending the night out on the porch hadn't been the best idea, but I didn't have the strenght in me to go back inside to where it was warm. I watched Edward as he slept peacefully, while trying to convince myself that I had just imagined Alice's voice. When I finally thought I had dreamt it all, Jasper walked out of that door, sending me back down in that dark hole.

Hate suddenly became the most overpowering emotion as I glared at my so called best friend. Years I had done right by her. I gave her everything she wanted. I went shopping with her, I let her dress me up like her personal Barbie doll, I indulged her every step of the way and she stabbed me in the back. I had always been a loyal friend, giving my all and loving her unconditionally. Yet, this time, I could not turn the other cheek. She had crossed a line.

I clenched my jaw, trying my hardest not to start spouting spiteful remarks, when I was suddenly being nudged forward.

"Come on, Bella. No need to stay here." I turned my head towards the sound, to find myself looking at Edward's compassionate face.

Jasper opened his mouth to say something, while Alice finally lowered her head as the gravity of her actions sunk in.

"Don't you dare, Hale. I'll skin you alive!" Edward seethed and to my surprise Jasper closed his mouth instantly.

I let Edward guide me to his car, not protesting since I wasn't really aware anymore.

Images of my former best friend and Jasper assaulted me constantly. Only when I threw up in Edward's car did I snap out of it.

"Oh God, Edward, I'm so sorry." I said, looking up at him with was sure to look as pure horror, since that was what I was feeling. I remembered how much Edward loved his car and couldn't even stand a drop of rain messing with the perfection which was his Volvo.

"It's okay, Bella. Don't worry about it." Edward said, even though his face scrunched up in disgust before he composed it quickly.

When we arrived at my house, he guided me inside and instructed me to take a nice, long, hot bath. I didn't object, grabbing my Ipod and heading into the bathroom.

I watched the water as it filled the tub, my mind involuntarily going over everything that had happened. I could hear cupboards being opened and closed in the kitchen. My hand which had been underneath the stream, let me feel the temperature of the water going down, which told me Edward was taking water from the kitchen.

_He's probably just getting stuff to clean his car._

_Oh God, I puked in his car._

_Shit!_

_He loves that car._

The water touching my knee made me snap out of the self-loathing. I shut off the water and pulled the plug, letting some of the water out. I didn't feel like cleaning the bathroom today.

Undressing quickly, I lowered myself into the water and turned on my Ipod.

I felt the tension leaving my body as the water did its intended job and sighed contently. I laid in the water until my skin wrinkled and chills ran over my body. I didn't want to get out, but the heavy shivering of my body due to the now old water was simply no longer tolerable. To make things worse, my teeth clattered together and I feared pneumonia would raise its ugly head. Slowly, I dried every inch of my body, wondering how to converse with Edward now. I was broken and wanted nothing more than to hide in my room and perhaps not come out for weeks at a time, but his presence here was making that impossible.

I reluctantly opened the bathroom door to find myself face to face with HIM!

My hands balled into fists and my teeth gritted as I watched as his shaggy blonde hair, messier than I was used to. His blue eyes pleaded wordlessly with me and the corners of his mouth were tugged downward into a frown. White hot anger coursed through me as I stared at this man. A man who could have been so much in my life, a man that had meant so much to me and a man that hurt me beyond belief.

Jasper opened his mouth to say something, but the consistent shaking of my head stopped him before a single sound was uttered. I moved forward quickly and even though it was deserved, I surprised myself when my fist connected with his face.

"Get out!" I hissed in between gritted teeth and turned towards Edward, who just came running inside. Edward rushed forward, wrapping his arms around me in a protective manner and glared at Jasper, keeping quiet. I pointed at the door, hoping Jasper would just get the clue and leave. Of course, when does anything ever go as you like them to go? Never. And this time was no different.

"Sweetheart, please, it's not what you think." Jasper started and I gave him a 'Are you fucking kidding me' look which shut him up instantly. I turned towards Edward with an amused smirk.

"Next, he might even start spouting bullshit about how it was an accident. She just happened to fall onto his cock." Edward looked at me with concern, obviously not used to hearing me talk like that and I just shrugged. I wasn't feeling much like myself right now and if Jasper provoked me any longer, things were really going to explode.

"Get out!" I repeated in an even more vicious voice than the last time and leveled him with a death glare.

"Bella,-" this time I wasn't the one cutting him off. It was Edward's fist actually and I smiled gratefully at him.

"I think that says enough Jasper. I don't want you here and you can run back to my former best friend and tell her the same thing. Both of you are dead to me. Don't call, don't write, don't even say hello to me when we pass each other at work. This is over and done with. Now get out!" I turned around and headed to my bedroom, willing the tears to stay at bay. At least long enough for neither of the boys to see.

I heard the front door slam closed, barely seconds after closing my bedroom door and that's when the final piece of me broke.

I slid down against the door, tears blurring my vision as my hands clawed at the carpet.

Nothing would ever be right again.

I had lived through heartbreak once before and knew back then I could never handle it twice. Now, I was destroyed, completely and unfixable.

Never would I open my heart again.

Opening yourself up, is setting yourself up for more pain and I couldn't handle it.

I had officially become weak. Where I had been strong in the past, hiding my pain and taking care of my little baby girl, I didn't have the will or strenght to do so this time around.

I wailed loudly, screaming 'Why' on the top of my lungs and that's when two warm arms wrapped themselves around me.

Edward whispered my name and I closed my eyes against the onslaught of emotions coursing through me. After all this time, he still did that. I couldn't handle it today though, not after what had happened.

"Please...Help me." I had never needed anyone more, to lean on someone and to know that no matter how deep the hole, someone will reach down and bring me back to the surface.

"Bella, this isn't over yet." He said and I looked up to find Alice and Jasper standing right behind him. I cussed inwardly at letting them see me like this and got up from the floor.

I wiped my face in the second I was turned away from them and squared my shoulders, preparing myself for the fight ahead of me.

And a fight it would be. There was no escaping it. I couldn't believe Jasper had stayed after my speech earlier and the nerve of Alice, who just waltzed in here. I was sure the slamming door I heard was in fact her, walking in here like she owned the place.

_Bitch._

"I told you to get the fuck out, Whitlock. Same for you, Alice! Leave! Right now!" My finger pointed to the door as my foot tapped impatiently on the floor, growing louder and faster with each passing second they chose to ignore my request.

Alice moved closer to me and I instantly stepped back, hitting a wall behind me. A soft and warm wall though and as two hands settled on my shoulder, I knew Edward would stand by me in my time of need. I cleared my throat and gave Alice the most hateful glare I had ever bestowed upon anyone in my life. The sight of it in the mirror behind her, chilled my heart, but made me even more determined at the same time.

She blanched at the sight of my anger and moved forward in an attempt to approach me, but Jasper pulled her back instantly. Whether he did to protect me or her, I didn't know and I didn't want to find out. The sight of his hands on her body disgusted me and I could feel my stomach churning again.

The phone rang and no one moved to answer it, our eyes locked on each other. It looked like one of those scenes in a movie, right before they start killing each other and any other day I would have laughed at my own thoughts.

_"Bella, it's Dad. I was just wondering when you were coming to pick up Cat. Call me back as soon as you hear this. Bye kiddo." _

I sighed in relief, knowing my little girl was safe at my father's and away from the drama that was unfolding in the privacy of my bedroom.

As soon as the final beep sounded, the world exploded.

"I told you to get the fuck out!" I screamed, losing it quickly and trying with everything in me to hold onto that last shred of sanity.

"Listen to me, Bella, it was a mistake. She practically raped me." Jasper tried to reason, but before anyone could reply Alice was screaming her head off.

"No, don't you dare pin this on me! You didn't protest when your dick was shoved in my mouth and pussy!"

"Will you all just shut up?" Edward's usually soft voice cut through the madness and I took opportunity of the stunned silence to once again direct them to the door.

"I don't need to hear about your secrets and whatever you've been doing behind my back, I need you to get the fuck out!"

"You are the one to talk about secrets, hypocrite! How about the secret you've been keeping from my brother, from your fiancée, from my family!" I wondered briefly what Alice was talking about, but didn't have to wonder for too long as she continued "As if I couldn't tell Cat was Edward's."

A gasp sounded from behind me and the warmth of two very distinct arms unwrapped themselves from around my waist, leaving me to feel naked, vulnerable and so terribly alone.

"Why...Why didn't you-" I started, my voice breaking as the longing for Edward's arms around me intensified. I needed his support.

"Why didn't I say anything?" she raised her eyebrow and I just nodded, waiting for her to continue.

"First, I wanted to give you the chance to come forward yourself, but now it's just because I was waiting for this moment," she grinned, looking to the right at Jasper and then left without another word.

I wanted to rush forward and punch her in her smug face, but seeing the heartbreak on Jasper's face made me stop.

_He doesn't have a right to be heartbroken!_

_He cheated on me!_

_He always said he didn't care and now suddenly he looked like I had kicked his puppy._

_What difference does it make whether it's someone I didn't know or someone I liked back then?_

_Okay, so I might have loved him and part of me still does, but it's the past...right?_

My thoughts came to a sudden halt as Edward's figure hovered near the bedroom door.

"I never thought you could do something like this to me, Bella," he whispered and the distance dimmed the sound even more, but somehow I still heard him. Guilt wracked through me as I sunk to the floor, still forcing the tears to keep at bay.

Jasper just stood there, staring at me and I couldn't believe the trechery of my own heart and body as I suddenly ached to be held by him, to be comforted and loved.

"Bella," my name sounded strangled and as my eyes locked onto his, I saw the pain and hesitance there.

"We'll fix this. We'll get through this," Jasper said and suddenly all the anger flared up again. Hearing him talk about fixing things, made me remember how he had fixed me before, only to destroy me ten times worse in the end.

"No, we can't. Now, please,...get out," my voice was surprisingly even and calm, even though inside I was screaming and crying hysterically.

In one day, I had lost everything. I had lost the only man I trusted after the Edward fiasco, only to find out he couldn't be trusted either. I lost Edward, even though we weren't exactly close, I felt as if a small fraction of our past had been restored after talking last night. I had lost Alice, who wasn't even worth a single tear, but undeniably had been or pretended to be my friend for all these years.

The Cullens would surely not want anything to do me after this either and it pained me greatly, because they were like surrogate parents, especially Esme.

My Cat would be heartbroken, because I wasn't the only one in this mess. She just lost the father she always knew, along with the father she didn't know.

With one last glance at the front door and the empty living room, I broke down on my bedroom floor. Tears, too long held inside, now fell by the millions as I wailed and clawed at the carpet. A despair greater then I had ever known before, clawed at my chest and threatened to kill me if I didn't regain my senses along with my ability to breathe properly.

_How can things ever be right again?_

_Simple, they can't._

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**Please, leave me some love.**

**I'll update The Prophecy next.**

**On another note, I would appreciate it if you would PM the hosts of the Obsession Contest that favoritism isn't acceptable and they need to add all their entries in voting list. I made AN earlier, but will replace it with this chapter.**

**My entry was called In The Dark and they decided last minute to change the rules to where only twenty stories were put up for voting. The seven authors, including me, were not notified of any changes regarding these rules, nor were we notified that our stories were considered lacking.**

**They are favoritizing, which is just plain disgusting. **

**I hope you guys will support me and the other victimized authors in this.**

**After all, you wouldn't want it to happen to you, would you?**

**So let's make an example of this.**

**Refuse to vote unless they renew their voting list with all entries.**

**Thank you so much!**

**Love you!**

http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2337304/Obsession_Contest


	16. Chapter 16 : Diary

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight**

**I know I said I was going to update the Prophecy and Save my body first, but my brain is protesting. I've tried, oh god did I try, but it just won't come out. So I've decided to focus on other things for now, because forcing it isn't going to work. I'm so sorry, but good news, because now I can update this story. And I am also offering two items on Fandom Gives Back.**

**Out of the Ruins : A oneshot about Jasper, starting from when he was a human enlisting in the army, ending with his early life with the Cullens.**

**And an outtake for I'll find you : Many readers wondered what happened to Angela and Seth, so this will be an outtake of their life together. The main characters of I'll find you will make brief appearances.**

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**Song to accompany this chapter : Look what you've done - Jet**

_**Take my photo off the wall  
If it just won't sing for you  
'Cause all that's left has gone away  
And there's nothing there for you to prove**_

_**Oh, look what you've done  
You've made a fool of everyone  
Oh well, it seems likes such fun  
Until you lose what you had won**_

_**Give me back my point of view  
'Cause I just can't think for you  
I can hardly hear you say  
What should I do, well you choose**_

_**Oh, look what you've done  
You've made a fool of everyone  
Oh well, it seems likes such fun  
Until you lose what you had won**_

_**Oh, look what you've done  
You've made a fool of everyone  
A fool of everyone  
A fool of everyone**_

_**Take my photo off the wall  
If it just won't sing for you  
'Cause all that's left has gone away  
And there's nothing there for you to do**_

_**Oh, look what you've done  
You've made a fool of everyone  
Oh well, it seems likes such fun  
Until you lose what you had won**_

_**Oh, look what you've done  
You've made a fool of everyone  
A fool of everyone  
A fool of everyone **_

_**

* * *

**_

**EPOV**

I hadn't meant to accuse Bella like that, but the hurt I was feeling made me speak up without really wanting to. All these years, she had known I was the father of her child and she hadn't even found it necessary to give me a call. In fact, she and Jasper had made it seem out as if he was the father. I had always been a little too gullible for my own good, but this was just cruel.

I had gotten out there like that, because I was close to losing it. The pain over Bella keeping this from me, combined with the rage I felt for Jasper and Alice were threatening to push me over the edge. I had already punched Jasper, but I was sure I was going to strangle my own sister if I stayed a second longer.

Getting into my freshly washed Volvo, I grabbed my cell out of my pocked and called my best friend in the world.

I saw Alice standing near Bella's front door and tightened my grip on the cell.

"_What's up?"_

"Emmett, you need to get to Bella's right away. Some shit happened and she needs someone right now," I said, my eyes instantly spotting movement and then I saw Jasper coming outside. Alice instantly grabbed him by the arm, wrapping her tiny body around his bigger one and it took everything in me not to get out of the car and bash in both their heads.

I hit the end button, before Emmett could respond and peeled my way out of there.

I drove around aimlessly for hours, until finally just driving to my parents' house. My house would be too lonely and even though I might have a run-in with my sister, I knew my mom would always be there to support me.

I parked the car a little bit down the drive, to avoid being spotted too early. Knowing Alice, she would probably start hogging mom and if she valued her life, she didn't need to piss me off any further.

As soon as I entered the living room, I stopped.

My mother was shaking violently as she cried loudly, her hands clutched around a little pink book and her face completely hidden from view by her long caramel hair.

I wanted to comfort her, but instead I just stood there as an idiot, gaping like a fish at my mother who obviously needed my comfort more than I needed hers.

I wondererd what Alice must have said or done to get mom like this, since she only got really emotional when it had something to do with her 'kids', Alice, Bella, Emmett or me.

Bella and Emmett weren't exactly her children, _thank God_, but she still thought of them that way, because they practically grew up at our place.

Swallowing down the lump that had fought its way to the surface, I finally moved over to her and wrapped my arms around her shaking frame.

"Mom?" I didn't need to say more as a heartbreaking wail escaped her and her hands went to my shirt, clutching it in her perfectly manicured hands.

"It's so awful, Edward, so awful," she said.

I thought she was talking about this morning, so I just nodded, knowing she could feel the motion from the movements of my body.

"How could she do something like this?" she wailed again after muttering this mostly to herself and I patted my mother's head.

It felt strange in a way, having to comfort your mother like that, but at the same time the shared burden of recent events was nice. She unknowingly eased some of my own pain, seemingly crying for my pain as well.

"To Bella of all people," my mom's hands loosened their grip on my shirt as they were flung into the air in an exasperated gesture.

"Alice's feelings, her envy and torture of the poor girl was beyond cruel," that got my attention, because surely we were talking about two different things now.

I knew Bella had kept the fact that Cat was mine from our family and the rest of the words apparently, but there was never talk of Alice torturing her, except the fact that she slept with Jasper.

I was confused and lifting her head to look at me, my mother instantly caught on to it.

"Read this, Edward," she said in between sobs, putting the pink book that had laid in her lap in my hands. I looked down at the front and recognized the big, elegant penmanship as Alice's.

_Alice's diary._

"No, mom, that's invastion of privacy, I couldn't do that," I said, putting the book on the table in front of me so quickly, you would have thought it burned.

My mom picked the book back up and thrusted it into my lap.

"Read it! That's not a request, son," I blinked at my mother, because never had I seen her be this forceful with anyone. My mother was a gentle soul and punishment or even raising her voice had always been hard on her. That's what our father was for.

I nodded mutely and opened the book.

(**AN: **_**written text ;**__ Edward's thoughts _**and the current story takes place now, in 2010**_)_

_**03-17-2003**_

_**Dear Mr. Pinky,**_

_**I felt horrible having to start a new diary. Mrs. Purple had been so good to me, listening to me over the years, but now I have to place my trust elsewhere and I have chosen you.**_

_What the fuck?_

_Mr. Pinky...Mrs. Purple, she can't be serious._

_**My brother is disgusting, I lost another friend today. I've known Michelle since kindergarten and we're not even half way through our freshman year and she already has fallen prey to my brother. The pig! I just wished I could kill him in my sleep. But that would hurt mom too much.**_

_Michelle?_

_I never met a Michelle._

_But I WAS pretty disgusting back in the day._

_God, I was such a horrible excuse for a man._

_**Because of him all friends I have left are Bella, Jennifer and Emmett, even if he hasn't been much a friend lately. He's almost acting as disgusting as Edward. At least he mostly has his regular girls, he might use them for his own benefits, but he doesn't sleep around so much as Edward because of the tight shedule he has keeping HIS girls happy.**_

_So sleeping with seven different girls on a regular base was okay?_

_Emmett was worse than me?_

_I never had as much sex in high school as him._

_But then again, I did always need a new challenge._

_Fuck!_

_Still doesn't excuse Emmett, like she is trying to do though._

_If she didn't like my player ass, then she shouldn't have liked his either._

_Double standards much?_

_**Ugh, who am I kidding? They are both scum.**_

_Ah, I guess I should have read the last line before freaking out._

_And can I just say 'OUCH'._

_Scum...that's harsh._

I skipped some entries, because they were mostly the same stuff anyway.

_**04-02-2003**_

_**Dear Mr. Pinky,**_

_**I'm going insane I'm telling you.**_

_**Today, during cheerleading practice I caught Edward staring at Bella!**_

_**Not good!**_

_**Alarm bells went off in my head like never before and for me that's a lot, seeing as how I dream shit. If this makes me feel so on edge, then something big is going to happen with those two.**_

_**I can't let that happen.**_

_**I won't lose Bella!**_

_**NEVER!**_

_**She's MINE!**_

_What the fuck!_

_What's that suppose to mean?_

Regrettably, there was nothing more written there and I quickly read over another month of Edward bashing.

_**06-09-2003**_

_**Dear Mr. Pinky**_

_**School is almost over, thank God!**_

_**Edward just won't let up. He ogles her all the time and it pisses me off! What's even worse is that sometimes I can swear I see something in Bella's face when she looks at him.**_

_**HELL NO!**_

_**I told her she couldn't fall for his tricks. I warned her for him.**_

_**I just hope it'll be enough.**_

_**Bella is my sunshine, even with the clouds sometimes hanging around her. I can't let him take her. I won't!**_

_**So yeah, I'm happy summer is nearly here.**_

_**Then I have Bella all to myself and I can keep her ass away from the man whore!**_

I read some more entries involving Alice and Bella's escapades during summer and then another school year has started.

_**09-06-2003**_

_**Dear Mr. Pinky,**_

_**Saturday morning again and Bella isn't here. I am so fucking alone and I know I just lost Jennifer too. How do I know? Oh God, this is so embarrassing...**_

_**Well, last night I heard giggling as I was painting my nails. I never really was interested in my brother's dirty life before, but something about this giggle was different. Familiar.**_

_**So I went into the big step in closet. You know the one I share with Edward?**_

_**Yeah, exactly! So, I went inside and I pushed the opposite door open just a little bit.**_

_**I could see them! And I mean everything!**_

_What the hell!_

_That's sick!_

_Alice don't tell me you stayed?_

_Please, God! _

_Don't let her have watched us while..._

_That's just so sick!_

_**So he was whispering things into her ear, while she straddled him and giggled like some random airhead. It was like her brain had shut off and checked out for the night, because she was acting like some bimbo.**_

_**Jennifer tried to kiss him, but he didn't let her, instead he tore off her top and started kissing her breasts over the fabric.**_

_**They started undressing each other, fast and wild, groping and clawing at each other.**_

_**It was disgusting and still...I couldn't look away.**_

_Oh my God!_

_My sister really watched me with her friend?_

_Oh...my...fucking...god!_

_That's just so wrong._

_And creepy!_

_Twisted!_

_Sick!_

_Disgusting!_

_**When they were both naked, he pushed her down onto the bed, telling her to get on her knees and the stupid bitch did! But fuck, it was so hot! It was the single most arousing thing I have ever seen. So when he pushed into her from behind, I started touching myself.**_

I threw the book away from me, shuddering violently and fighting the urge to vomit.

There was more, but I couldn't read about my sister getting off on seeing her brother fuck her friend into oblivion.

I never thought Alice could be such a freak.

_Freak isn't even enough of a word for what she is!_

I started gagging as I involuntarily pictured Alice touching herself, while looking at us from the closet.

I couldn't hold it back and so I ran to the toilet, emptying my stomach, which was empty mostly. But still it kept coming.

_Stomach acid, nasty!_

My mom walked in behind me, putting a moist washcloth to my forehead and running her fingers soothingly through my hair.

"I see you've gotten to the sexual part." she said, but her tone told me she had more to say, so I didn't respond. "Just don't read any entries on Saturday and Sunday's, except if you really have to."

_Fuck there were more like that?_

More bile rose to my throat and I was gagging harshly, trying to get rid of it as it got stuck in my throat.

I was a doctor, so I knew my only options were to put a finger to my mouth and just get rid of it, or drink something gassy and have something light to eat, so my stomach could settle again.

I chose the first and fastest option.

All the while, my mother kept pressing the cloth to my forehead.

"Read more, sweet boy. You need to know," my mom said, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead as the nausea dissipated and I sat breathing heavily on the white tiled floor in the downstairs bathroom.

I nodded, even though I really didn't want to know more and headed back into the living room.

I wondered briefly where Alice was, but shrugged it off as I opened the book up again.

_**10-08-2003**_

_**Dear Mr. Pinky,**_

_**I'm so happy, we've become such great friends. I know I can tell you anything.**_

_**So today, I caught my brother staring at Bella again. It's really annoying. I have a feeling he wants more from her than he wants from the other girls. **_

_**Why did he have to fall for Bella?**_

_**Why not some random bitch?**_

_**Bella looked amazing today though. **_

_**It had started raining during practice and I ran straight for cover, but not Bella.**_

_**She wanted to get this routine down and had stayed out in the rain with only two other girls.**_

_**I watched her from inside and God, what a sight she was.**_

_Okay, this is normal right?_

_Girls admire each other's beauty more often, don't they?_

_**She came running in, dripping wet and I nearly lost it there and then.**_

_**Thank God, I'm so controlled or it would have been too messy for words.**_

_**And this is where you finally get to hear my little secret.**_

_**I fucking WANT Bella Swan, so bad!**_

_Fuck!_

I dropped the book, too shocked for words. My mom came in and put a plate of spaghetti in front of me with a Coke, but I hardly registered it, as I sat openmouthed, staring at the wall in front of me.

My sister had the hots for Bella and I never saw it.

I kicked myself internally at not paying attention to her better, but no matter how often I did it, that still didn't change the fact that Alice wanted Bella. Or at least back then she did.

My fingers shook as I picked the book back up and in my current state, I failed to notice I was chewing and swallowing. Only when I stopped at a later entry and tried to sigh, did I feel the fork stuck in my mouth. I furrowed my brow and looked to my left, to see my mom feeding me.

_God! I'm not a child!_

"I can eat on my own, you know. An adult tends to have the necessary abilities to do something as simple as feed themselves," I hadn't meant to sound so harsh, but this whole thing was fucking with my brain so much, I felt like I was going to lose it any second now.

My mom sniffled as she got up and retreated to the kitchen, making me feel like an even bigger asshole.

"I'm sorry," I cried out after her, but she didn't acknowledge me. So, with a heavy sigh, I picked the book back up.

I fingered through it, reading short paragraphs about hating me and wanting Bella. I didn't really needed to see that and kept going, until I came to a day I remember as clear as crystal.

_**02-08-2004**_

_**Dear Mr. Pinky,**_

_**My brother is such an idiot. I might kill all of his friends and then blame it on him somehow and his emo-side will just accept it. Hell, with his shriveled up peanut of a brain, he'd probably go running to the cops to turn himself in. Hahahaha!**_

_**Anyway, what really made me come to this wonderful conclusion is the fact that today I found him playing his piano again. That horrible lullaby he wrote for Bella. He's not fooling me!**_

_**Everything about that composition just screams Bella.**_

_**I passed the music room and when I heard it, I just couldn't take it anymore.**_

_**Who was he to try and take my Bella away from me!**_

_**So I barged in there and honestly, I kind of lost it.**_

_**So I started screaming at him to stay away from Bella.**_

_**Because she is supposed to be mine, not his!**_

_**He tried to deny it, the coward, but I saw right through him.**_

_**As soon as he did though, I realised what I had done and I couldn't tell him the real reason why I blew up, now could I.**_

_**So, I started talking about how disgusting of a human being he is, what a poor excuse of a brother and what a manwhore. And he fucking bought it!**_

_**I could see it in the way his shoulders slumped and the defeated look in his eyes.**_

_Goddammit!_

_She fucking played me!_

_What a bitch!_

_**Anyway, I know now that Edward won't set foot in her direction. The only problem is Bella.**_

_**She fucking heard me!**_

_**Yesterday, while Bella was in the bathroom, I read some of her diary. She's been in love with Edward for ages! Well years stings!**_

_She was?_

_She had loved me for years before anything ever happened._

_Fuck, I've been such an idiot!_

A sob escaped me, but I willed my eyes to stay dry as I read more of Alice's evil shemes and words.

_**What does the asswipe have that I don't?**_

_**What about me?**_

_**I've always been there for her!**_

_**I'm always by her side!**_

_**I love her! Fuck, I love her so much!**_

_**Why can't she see that?**_

_**Anyway, I'm getting off track here.**_

_**So I ran after her and told her, he didn't like her. I told her it was all a game. I just hope I got through to her. She looked kind of sad, so I think I did.**_

_**Oh God, I'm doing a squealy dance around my room now.**_

_**All in all, today was a good day.**_

I skimmed over a lot of entries where she talked about her growing love for Bella and the smugness with which she referred to me, seeing as how she had played me like a puppet and I didn't even realize it.

Then I got to one entry that enraged me, really filled me with so much hate towards my sister, that if she had been here, I would have killed her on the spot.

_**08-01-2004**_

_**Dear Mr. Pinky,**_

_**Did I ever say how much I love summerime? **_

_**Well, I do!**_

_**Bella spends almost every night at our house, or when she doesn't I stay at hers. It's almost perfect. If she only returned my feelings though...**_

_**Last night was the best night of my life.**_

_**Bella and I were sprawled out on the bed, enjoying the piece and quiet of the house with everyone gone. I had bought her a new baby doll and she had reluctantly put it on to show me. I thought she was going to run screaming when I told her to keep it on, that it looked cute on her.**_

_**But to my surprise she didn't. **_

_**I lied though.**_

_**She didn't look cute in it, she looked fucking hot!**_

_**It was one of those baby dolls that falls open underneath the breasts and I could see the black lace panties that completed the set.**_

_**It made me happier than a kid on Christmas morning to see that she felt comfortable enough to show that much skin around me.**_

_**Oh dear, I'm getting sidetracked again.**_

_**Anyway, we were lying there, when I got a wicked idea.**_

_**I headed into the shared closet and rummaged through a box on Edward's top shelf, quickly finding what I wanted.**_

_My top shelf?_

_My porn collection?_

_What the fuck did you do Alice?_

_**Popping in the DVD, I watched Bella intently as the corny music started up. Her eyes grew wide at the opening credits alone and I quickly jumped onto the bed, snuggling up against her like we often do.**_

_**After some giggles and soothing words, I finally got her relaxed enough to watch it.**_

_**The constant blush on her face was just adorable and I wanted to lick it so bad.**_

_**I was so fucking horny, but didn't do anything, because this was Bella and I couldn't live with myself if I ever lose her.**_

_**Halfway through the movie, she fell asleep and I turned off the movie. I couldn't stop staring at her beautiful body though. She was so exposed and when she started moaning in her sleep, I lost it.**_

_Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

_What did she do?_

_**I softly caressed her bare stomach, because it looked so perfect. Toned with perfect skin.**_

_**She moaned at my touch and god, did it feel good. I closed my eyes and imagined her big brown eyes stare back at me, as I touched her breasts gently and hesitantly.**_

_**And then Bella, held my hands there with her own, squeezing her boobs with mine still underneath. It felt wonderful and I straddled her. Because really, who could resist her?**_

_**I needed her so much!**_

_**As she let go of my hand, I quickly grabbed it. I checked to see she was still asleep and she was!**_

_**That's when I guided her hand to my pussy and started rubbing hers. **_

_**I don't know what she was dreaming about, but she started rubbing me too.**_

_**God, it was so fucking mindblowing.**_

_**Nothing can ever compare!**_

_**I came at the exact same time as she did and then quickly got off of her in case she woke up.**_

_**Her eyes fluttered and then she just snuggled into my side. **_

_**It was the best fucking experience in my life!**_

_**And still it's not enough!**_

_**I want her again and again!**_

_**But I want her to be awake next time!**_

_**Oh God, I'm so messed up!**_

_**I'm actually glad for having done that with her, while she was asleep.**_

_**But it was just so good!**_

_**You understand, don't you, Mr. Pinky?**_

_**Ofcourse you do.**_

_**Goodnight.**_

I seethed, throwing the book across the room and pacing around the living room like a caged animal.

_She has violated my poor, beautiful Bella in her sleep!_

_That's the single most disgusting thing I've ever heard in my life!_

_Not even her Peeping Alice ways come close to this!_

I grabbed my keys and made a beeline for the front door, where I was intercepted by my mom.

"Don't! I'll deal with her when she comes home. Edward, there's more and it's important," my mom talked me down from my rage and reluctantly I picked up the diary again.

_What more could there be?_

_She played me!_

_She played Bella!_

_She violated Bella!_

_And now she slept with her fiancée!_

_There's got to be a limit to this fuckery!_

She thankfully didn't violate her again and I was almost starting to relax, until I came to the day of my graduation party.

_**Dear Mr. Pinky,**_

_**I don't know anymore. **_

_**I wanted this to be a fun experience for us both, but then she sits and sulks on the stairs all night, chatting it up with Newton.**_

_**As if that's not bad enough, I saw her dance with my brother.**_

_**I was so fucking disgusted by the way they were practically humping each other on the dance floor. I really started to drink after that.**_

_**I think I couldn't have been gone for more than ten minutes and suddenly they were gone.**_

_**They just vanished!**_

_**My fucking dick of a brother left his own party to fuck with my Bella.**_

_**I looked for them, I did. His car was in the garage so I went upstairs.**_

_**I think I knew before I walked into that closet.**_

_**But to see them! Fuck, it broke me!**_

_**And he was being so gentle with her! **_

_**I'm crying right now.**_

_**It just isn't fair!**_

_**He called her LOVE!**_

_**It's over now.**_

_**I'll never have her.**_

_**But do I want to?**_

_**She fucking spread her legs for the biggest manwhore around!**_

_**She's a bitch!**_

_**What a whore!**_

_**How could I not have seen before!**_

_**She's not my fucking Bella!**_

_**She's just another one of Edward's bimbo's.**_

_**Those fucking whores! Well she belongs with them!**_

_**But God, when she came! She looked like a fucking angel!**_

_**What the hell am I supposed to do now?**_

_**I can't...fuck I can't even write it!**_

_**It hurts too much!**_

The day after was a lot of gloating at Bella running from me, but her thoughts about Bella started getting darker and darker.

She was obsessed with her. She hated her as much as she loved her. She was trying to hurt her every chance she got, but never did it directly. She always played other people into hurting her, making Bella come running every damn time.

I watched time go by, darkness growing and shuddered at some of Alice's thoughts and feelings.

Bella had been very much in need of Alice's support through her pregnancy and hung upon her every word, satisfying the inner bitch of Alice.

She had believed every word out of Alice's mouth as she spoke about ruining some guy's life because of one mistake. And how she didn't know if this person would be a good enough father and she didn't want to subject her daughter to some junkie or something.

Ofcourse, Alice was well aware, I was the father, but above anything else, she knew she had to keep us apart.

Her life seemed to brighten again, but then about three years ago darkness consumed her again as she watched Bella and Jasper fall in love.

She got even worse than before and an entry of about two years ago, made me jump to my feet.

"Motherfuck!" I yelled mostly to myself, running to the house phone and dialing the police station.

* * *

**I know it's evil of me, but it's already so long!**

**I'll update soon, I promise.**

**Leave me some love.**


	17. Chapter 17 : Station

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight**

**I know you are all dying to know what is exactly written in that diary of Alice. And I just couldn't keep you guys waiting. So here it is.**

**

* * *

**

**Song to accompany this chapter : The Voice Within – Christina Aguilera**

_**Young girl, don't cry**_

_**I'll be right here when your world starts to fall  
Young girl, it's alright  
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly**_

_**When you're safe inside your room, you tend to dream  
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems  
No one ever wants or bothers to explain  
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means**_

_**When there's no one else, look inside yourself  
Like your oldest friend, just trust the voice within  
Then you'll find the strength, that will guide your way  
You'll learn to begin to trust the voice within**_

_**Young girl, don't hide  
You'll never change if you just run away  
Young girl, just hold tight  
Soon you're gonna see your brighter day**_

_**Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed  
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid  
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold  
When you look outside, look inside to your soul**_

_**When there's no one else, look inside yourself  
Like your oldest friend, just trust the voice within  
Then you'll find the strength, that will guide your way  
You'll learn to begin to trust the voice within**_

_**Life is a journey  
It can take you anywhere you choose to go  
As long as you're learning  
You'll find all you'll ever need to know  
be strong  
You'll break it  
hold on  
You'll make it  
Just don't forsake it because  
No one can tell you what you can't do  
No one can stop you, you know that I'm talking to you  
**_

_**When there's no one else, look inside yourself  
Like your oldest friend, just trust the voice within  
Then you'll find the strength, that will guide your way  
You'll learn to begin to trust the voice within**_

_**Young girl don't cry **_

_**I'll be right here when your world starts to fall **_

_**

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**_

**EPOV**

Charlie had told me to be in the station within the next half hour, so I quickly took a refreshing shower and headed that way. I knew Bella would be there as well as Jasper, so my heart was hammering in my chest. I had had enough time to get over the shock and I still loved Bella with all my heart. I just didn't know if she had forgiven Jasper or not. I hoped my leaving her earlier, didn't cause a rift between us. I knew it was a pretty shitty thing to do, but lashing out at any of the others wouldn't have done any good either. I guess I was just a coward though. Whenever things became too hard, I had a tendency of removing myself from the situation.

Shaking my head to myself, I got into my Volvo, the pink book clutched firmly against my chest and sped over to the police station.

I was mostly still in disbelief about the whole thing, but my mom had read it too and had agreed wholeheartedly that this was the best thing to do.

We couldn't let this go on.

With renewed determination, I parked the car and got out of the car. I spotted the others already inside, but no sign from Alice. I guess they hadn't been able to get a hold of her.

I strode over and inside the building with a confidence I didn't really posses and moved to stand right in front of Charlie.

"Charlie, Sir, I brought the diary." I said, opening it to the page where I had read that horrible entry and placed it so we could all read it at the same time.

_**01-24-2008**_

_**Dear Mr. Pinky,**_

_**Today was such a success! I never thought it would be that easy, but it was! So goddamn easy.**_

_**I am the only one that knows Bella better than herself and this again proves how she should be mine and not that Texas cowboy with the bird nest on his head! I knew she would ask him to, if I took it out of her fridge. And I was spot on! **_

_**Thank God, I was smart enough to buy a cheap second hand car for this occasion! Because the damn front went straight through his front window. **_

_**Oh Mr. Pinky, I'm such a genius!**_

_**The car, taking Bella's ice cream away, knowing she would plead him to get some from the store as she watched TV at night. It was just so convenient! Maybe a little too convenient?**_

_**No, I paid the car with cash and the dude didn't check my papers. I'm safe.**_

_**Do you want to know how it happened? Oh it was so beautiful, Mr. Pinky! **_

_**I saw him leave their place and rushed to the store. I waited there and once he was inside, I went to that dark intersection, the dangerous one on Main. Ofcourse, you know which one I mean. I waited there, leaving my engine running and then when I saw him coming, I shot forward.**_

_**At least I had the sense to jump from the car before the collision and I watched as the metal folded itself around that of his car. Fucking beautiful, I'm telling you!**_

_**Blood everywhere! Jasper unconscious and thank God no sign of Bella in the car.**_

_**My life is perfect now!**_

_**He'll die in the hospital and Bella will come running.**_

_**To who?**_

_**To me ofcourse!**_

_**She always does. **_

_**She's MINE, not Jasper's, not Edward's, no all mine!**_

_**And soon she'll see that too.**_

_**If not, I'll make her see!**_

I held my breath as I watched Bella's face intently. Her shock was written all over her face as she looked at the words openmouthed and with every line, her face lost more color.

I wanted to hold her into my arms and comfort her, but I didn't know if she would welcome the gesture. So, when Jasper moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her, I bit back a growl and lowered my gaze to the floor.

"Don't touch me," she hissed and my head snapped back up. Charlie was watching the exchange in confusion, but didn't comment as Bella moved closer to me and looked up at me with big brown pleading eyes. I didn't hesitate as I took her in my arms and held her securely against my chest.

"Don't be afraid, I'll protect you," I don't know why I said it, but apparently it was just what she needed to hear, because she instantly relaxed considerably in my embrace.

Charlie still looked lost as he glanced between the three of us and finally decided to voice his questions.

"Alright, so what happened between you guys?" his eyes flickered between Bella and Jasper. Jasper just hung his head and shuffled his feet uncomfortable, while Bella's fists clenched and her shackles went up.

"He slept with Alice," she spat. Short and to the point, she put the issue out there and Charlie's eyes widened for a millisecond, before he glared at Jasper.

The poor guy grew increasingly uncomfortable as he stood there shuffling his feet on the spot and I almost felt sorry for him, almost.

"I...I didn't want...she got me drunk and...I didn't know...until...," stuttering his way through an explanation, he ran his hands through his hair in a frustrated gesture, before looking Bella straight in the eyes.

"I love only you. I never loved another, Bella. She probably planned it, so she could get to you," the new strenght in his voice surprised me and his argument did sound very plausible.

Alice had tried to kill him, there was no way she really felt anything for Jasper. She just wanted Bella and the only way to get to her, was to get Jasper out of the picture.

My hold on Bella loosened, thinking she must have been coming to the same conclusion, but instead she pressed herself more into me while straightening her back.

"You were there, drunk or not, you could have left before anything happened. You didn't. Whether it was some crazy psycho bitch coming after me or the sweet girl next door. Cheating is still cheating. We Are Over, Jasper. I won't say it again," she turned in my arms, burrying her face in my chest.

_Oh God!_

_That feels so good!_

It felt right, having her in my arms and I never wanted her to go.

Charlie gave me an approving look as I held his baby girl, protecting her in a way.

His glare whenever he looked at Jasper though, scared the living daylights out of me and I just hoped I would never be at the receiving end of it.

"Alright, you can go home now. We are going to put out an APB and I'm sure we'll have her in no time. This journal is very valuable in court, I'm glad you could deliver it to us, Edward," Charlie clapped me on the back in what was supposed to be a friendly gesture, but the manly move had me wincing.

_Damn, he's strong._

His strenght, combined with that glare would have me pissing myself in no time, if I ever wronged his baby girl, I was sure of it.

* * *

**BPOV**

I didn't know what to think. Only this morning had Edward left me so rudely and hurt me even deeper. Now, he was holding me, keeping me safe and promising me that he would protect me.

It was all just too much to analyze right now. Finding out about Alice had left me feeling vulnerable and naked in the most unpleasant way. It was like, my entire life had been a lie. On the drive home, Edward filled me in on some other entries in that diary of hers and it only strenghtened the feeling.

She had always been there, manipulating the people around me, targeting me in some vain attempt to make me love her. It was too messed up to even find logic behind that, but I still tried though.

Ofcourse, I had always run to her, she had been my best friend. Or so I thought.

It didn't mean I was falling in love with her. It was simply something best friends do.

I sighed, taking an ice pack out of the freezer and putting it on my forehead as soon as we entered my house. My head felt like it might explode with all the tension I had been under today and when Edward started to rub my feet, I still couldn't find it within me to relax.

My eyes constantly flickered from door to door and from window to window. Fear gripped me as I thought of Alice coming in here and murdering me in my sleep, because she couldn't have me.

My thoughts were irrational as I felt my breathing speed up, some unseen hand clutching my heart and squeezing it painfully.

"Ssh, Bella. I'm here, I won't let anything happen to you. Calm down, love," Edward's voice sounded so far away as I tried to focus, but it wasn't working. My eyes only saw the open door to my bedroom and the dark room hidden from view behind it.

_Was she there?_

_Was she going to wait until I fall asleep and then jump out?_

_Is she going to kill me?_

"I'm here, love. I'll always be here. You can calm down now. There's no one here, but me and you. I'll keep you safe," the entire time Edward spoke to me, his hands brushed gently through my hair as he rocked us back and forth at a soothing rhytm.

"I won't ever leave again. If I had known, I would have married you. I know it," Those were the last words I heard, before my eyes slid closed and I fell asleep in the safety of Edward's arms.

* * *

**Definitely not as long as the last chapter. **

**But I just couldn't keep you guys waiting any longer.**

**I hope you'll like it *crosses fingers***

**Leave me some love, if you do.**

**Love you all,**

**Shirley**


	18. Chapter 18 : Mushroom Ravioli

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight. I do own these plotbunnies though.**

**Song to accompany this chapter : One Day You Will – Lady Antebellum**

_**You feel like you're falling backwards  
Like you're slippin' through the cracks  
Like no one would even notice  
If you left this town and never came back  
You walk outside and all you see is rain  
You look inside and all you feel is pain  
And you can't see it now**_

_**But down the road the sun is shining  
In every cloud there's a silver lining  
Just keep holding on **_

_**just keep holding on  
And every heartache makes you stronger  
But it won't be much longer  
You'll find love, you'll find peace  
And the you you're meant to be  
I know right now that's not the way you feel  
But one day you will**_

_**You wake up every morning and ask yourself  
What am I doing here anyway  
With the weight of all those disappointments  
Whispering in your ear  
You're just barely hanging by a thread  
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath  
And you don't know it yet**_

_**But down the road the sun is shining  
In every cloud there's a silver lining  
Just keep holding on **_

_**just keep holding on  
And every heartache makes you stronger  
But it won't be much longer  
You'll find love, you'll find peace  
And the you you're meant to be  
I know right now that's not the way you feel  
But one day you will**_

_**Find the strength to rise above  
You will  
Find just what you're made of, you're made of**_

_**But down the road the sun is shining  
In every cloud there's a silver lining  
Just keep holding on **_

_**just keep holding on  
And every heartache makes you stronger  
But it won't be much longer  
You'll find love, you'll find peace  
And the you you're meant to be  
I know right now that's not the way you feel  
But one day you will**_

_**One day you will  
Oh one day you will **_

_**

* * *

**_

**JPOV**

I could see Sarah's newly whited teeth from outside and I grimaced at the sight of it.

_Isn't it supposed to look natural?_

"Goodmorning, Mr. Hale!" she chirped and I cringed at the highpitched sound of her voice.

"Morning, Ms. Myers," I answered politely thinking to myself how it was everything but a good morning.

"Any messages?" I was running a little later than usual and was fairly certain people had called already.

"Yes," she waved her yellow post it note excitedly, getting off her seat and hurried to join me on my way to the office.

"Mrs. Beckett called to inform us we forgot Mr. Johnson in the obituaries, requesting to rectify the situation. A Mr. Greenwich called to shedule a meeting about advertisements, here's his number," she handed me a pink post it note and I grimaced.

_What am I? _

_A girl?_

"Oh and Bella Swan called in sick this week, Sir," she finished in a bitter tone which made me glare at her instantly. She held up her hands in surrender and then turned on her heel, moving back to the front desk.

_Bella isn't coming?_

_She never calls in sick._

_Is she going to quit now?_

_Fuck!_

I slouched down in my chair, absentmindedly copying Mr. Greenwich's number and tossing the offensive pink in the garbage bin.

A headache was already forming and I put my fingers to my temples, making small circles to alleviate the tension. It didn't work though and after staring in front of me for over an hour, I got up abruptly.

"I'm going home, Ms. Myers. You know what to do," I said, without sparing the girl a single glance and headed outside in the rain.

My car was parked closest to the entrance, but I just walked straight past it. I needed to walk, to contemplate and to rid myself from all this pain. Naively enough, I thought the fresh air would help me do just that.

The rain poured down from the sky like buckets had been tipped over up there, but I didn't acknowledge it, nor did I care about the fact I was getting soaked to the bone.

_Maybe I should just move away?_

_Name my successor and go back to Texas._

_No! That would mean I'd see my parents more often._

_My dad._

_I could go to Montana._

_Oh God, I'm not making any sense._

_Why the hell would I want to go to Montana?_

_I just don't know if I can stand seeing Bella every day, knowing she'll never take me back._

_Would she even notice if I were to leave?_

_Would she care?_

I had been walking for hours, going in circles and after finally diverting from the path I kept following, I ended up at Rose's.

I must have been wandering around longer than I thought, because Rosalie was already home.

She was writing an essay from the looks of it, so I turned to head to the guestroom in an attempt not to disturb her.

"Jasper?" I turned around reluctantly and waited for the onslaught of questions. When I showed up at her doorstep last night, she had fired them at me constantly, but I was too numb to answer.

"Whatever it is, you'll be fine," she said and before I knew it, I was sitting on the floor in front of her, telling her everything that had happened since Karaoke Night.

She never interrupted me, her right hand playing with a random lock of my hair as she listened intently. Her face never betrayed anything either, the expression of interest and affection never wavering.

"Oh Jasper,...maybe it's for the best," she stated once I finished my story, making me look at her as if she just spouted two heads. Chuckling she continued, "I love Bella dearly, but everything happens for a reason. So maybe Bella wasn't really meant to be yours after all."

I didn't answer her as I got up swiftly and headed to my bedroom.

"Jasper, you will get past this. Trust me." I heard her calling out after me, but I acted like I hadn't heard her. I needed to get away from her so called words of wisdom, which only made me feel worse. I locked myself in and I didn't come out for the rest of the day.

* * *

**EPOV**

I watched Bella as she stared out of her window. The raindrops formed patterns on the glass, making it impossible to see beyond this watery created art, but Bella wasn't fazed. She didn't even blink as she watched the water cascading down, the streams running together and then separating again as if they were dancing against the glass.

I shook myself from my silly thoughts and went to the kitchen. It was well past noon already and Bella still hadn't eaten a single bite.

I decided to make her some mushroom ravioli, remembering how she had ordered it in 'Bella Italia' once, when the Swans and Cullens had gone out to dinner together.

_Flashback_

"_Why do we have to go?" I huffed, crossing my arms in the backseat and glaring at the back of my mother's head. Alice giggled next to me, drawing pictures of skirts and dresses._

_Ugh!_

"_Because Charlie invited us, all of us," my dad answered with finality in his voice. I pushed myself further into the leather of the back seat and grumbled to myself the entire way down to Port Angeles._

_When we arrived at a small Italian restaurant, called 'Bella Italia', the Swans were already waiting for us._

_Alice crawled over my lap to reach the door and ran straight for Bella, stopping dead in her tracks half way there._

"_You're wearing a dress!" she squealed and I could hear my ear pop from the horrible noise my nine year old sister was producing._

_Bella blushed, while tugging at the hem of her dress. I smiled at the girly pink dress she was wearing, so unlike the tomboy I knew. Bella obviously had noticed my smile, because she grimaced and moved to stand behind Emmett._

"_Oh come on, Bellsy Wellsy, you look cute. Like one of those dolls Alice likes to play dress up with," he couldn't have said anything worse to her, because she straightened her back, glared at him and in one quick move she had moved from behind him to where she now stood in front of him._

_He laughed loudly at her challenge and that's when she did it._

_Her cute little pink ballet flat clad foot lifted and with all the force she had, she stomped on his foot. Bella's face was all red with the effort she had put behind that one stomp and Emmett howled in pain as he lifted his foot and took it in between his hands._

_His flip flop quickly removed, he started to examine the foot which was already turning blueish._

"_Damn Bells, I think you broke it!" Emmett whined and Bella just smiled smugly up at him._

"_Stop being a baby, son. And put your flip flop back on," Charlie said, patting Bella on the head and guiding her inside the restaurant._

"_Did you see that? He's totally picking favorites here. Isn't that against the law or something?" Emmett said as soon as he had limped to my side. _

"_No man, it's like a given. Girls get away with almost everything." I said, just as Alice kicked me in the shins, all the while giggling. I turned around and glared at her. When she was close enough again, I quickly pulled her hair._

"_Ouch!" She cried out, loud enough for everyone to hear._

"_Edward, stop pulling your sister's hair!" dad said, giving me a stern look and I turned back to Emmett, rolling my eyes._

"_See?" he nodded fervently, before finally pulling open the door. The hostess guided us to a table, where Charlie and Bella were already sitting._

_I debated between the shrimps and a steak, so when the waitress came to take our order, I hid behind the menu so she wouldn't pick me first. _

_When it was Bella's turn to order, she swung her leg back and forth nervously, kicking me in the process. I lowered my menu to glare at her, but my expression softened as soon as I saw the red cheeks. _

"_Um...mushroom ravioli?" she made it sound like a question and I had to bite my lip not to comment on it. My parents wouldn't like it and I'd end up being punished...again._

"_And what would you like to eat?" the waitress asked, turning her body fully towards me. I had still been staring at Bella, so I blurted out the first thing that came to mind._

"_The same as her," I kicked myself internally at being so stupid. I hated mushrooms with a passion. They were so rubbery at times. Wanting to change my order, I looked up, only to find the waitress had gone already. _

_Why the hell had I been so fascinated with Bella that I forgot I didn't like mushrooms?_

_End Flashback_

I made myself a sandwich and ate it slowly as I cooked. I just hoped it would turn out alright. Bella deserved the best, especially now. Surveying the food one last time and patting myself on the back at a job well done, I placed it on a plate for Bella and called out to her.

She didn't respond, neither had I expected her to.

Walking into the bedroom, I noticed she hadn't even switched positions. I walked to stand in front of her, blocking her view and gently placed my hands on her shoulders.

"Love, you need to eat something," her eyes lifted up to meet mine and with a soft nod, she moved to stand. I grabbed her hands and pulled her up, before letting my arms fall back to my sides as she walked towards the kitchen.

I stared after her, even in her most broken state, she was still mesmerizing. The soft glow of her skin, the sway of her hips, the long legs; everything about her called to me.

As she got to the kitchen, she stopped abruptly, making me bump against her back.

I tried to apologize, but she turned around quickly and placed a finger on my lips to silence me.

"Thank you, Edward. I wouldn't know what to do without you." Her big brown eyes settled on mine and I could feel that familiar electricity again. I tried to ignore it as I focused on her liquid eyes, which sucked me in with every passing second. Staring into her eyes, I felt like I was falling. Falling fast and deep, I knew this was it. There would be nothing to save me this time and I didn't care. Closing my eyes, breaking the power she held over me, I leaned forward. I could feel her warm breath as it wafted across my face and more electricity crackled between us. Her breath made me delirious, sweet, yet spicy at the same time and my breathing picked up in response. Heat coursed through my body and then I moved forward, desperate to feel those soft lips on mine, to devour her mouth with mine and to show her the amount of passion both our bodies were begging for.

Just as our lips were to touch, she turned her head.

I kissed her cheek softly, lingering on the spot and internally groaning at the disappointment I felt.

I had been so close.

_Oh well, there's always tomorrow._

_

* * *

_

**Sorry for the long wait.**

**I have been busy writing fics for Fandom Gives Back.**

**I don't know when my next update will be, because I'm at the hospital right now.**

**I just thought, if I have to wait in this waiting room, I might as well finish this chapter.**

**I hope you like it.**

**And I really pray I'll see you guys again soon.**

**Leave me some love!**

**Love,**

**Shirley**


	19. Chapter 19 : Cat

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight**

**A week has passed, so it's high time I update this story. **

**I hope you'll like it. **

**

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**

**Song to accompany chapter : Sweet Child 'o Mine – Guns 'n Roses **

_**She's got a smile that it seems to me  
Reminds me of childhood memories  
Where everything  
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky  
**_

_**Now and then when I see her face  
She takes me away to that  
special place  
And if I stared too long  
I'd probably break down and cry**_

_**Sweet child o' mine  
Sweet love of mine**_

_**She's got eyes of the bluest skies  
As if they thought of rain  
I hate to look into those eyes  
And see an ounce of pain  
**_

_**Her hair reminds me  
of a warm safe place  
Where as a child I'd hide  
And pray for the thunder  
And the rain  
To quietly pass me by**_

_**Sweet child o' mine  
Sweet love of mine  
Sweet child o' mine  
Sweet love of mine**_

_**Where do we go  
Where do we go now  
Where do we go**_

_**Where do we go  
Where do we go now  
Where do we go**_

_**Where do we go  
Where do we go now**_

_**Where do we go now**_

_**Where do we go**_

_**Where do we go now**_

_**Where do we go**_

_**Where do we go now**_

_**Where do we go**_

_**Where do we go now**_

_**no no no no no no**_

_**Sweet Child  
Sweet child o' mine **_

_**

* * *

**_

**BPOV**

Three days. Three days since I found out about Jasper's betrayal. Three days since Alice's journal popped up and revealed everything about her psycho and obsessive behavior. Three days of constantly being watched by Edward. Three days without my Cat and three days of absolute devastation.

I couldn't take it anymore. I needed my girl.

She was always like a breath of fresh air. She was my little sunshine, always brightening me up with her silly antics and vivid stories. She was my little girl and probably the only one who could pull me out of this funk right now.

Moving from my spot at the window, I slowly made my way over to the house phone. Edward gasped when he saw me finally vacating the chair I'd been practically glued in for the last couple of day, but I ignored him.

I hit speed dial and waited for the familiar gruff voice to answer.

"Swan Residence,"

"Daddy," I hadn't meant for it to sound so weak, but somehow I sounded just as broken as I felt.

"Oh Bella," my dad whispered. We weren't overly affectionate, but my dad always just knew what I needed with a single look or word. This time it was no different.

"We'll be there in ten," I didn't respond as I put the receiver down and quickly went to the bathroom to gather my hair in a messy ponytail.

As I caught sight of my reflection, I grimaced. I was a mess with dark bags underneath my eyes, red splotches from crying on my face and my nose was chaffed from wiping my nose too much.

I looked sickly pale, even though Edward had been feeding me three meals a day and made it his personal mission not to let me dehydrate.

Frowning at myself in the mirror, I finally tore my gaze away from it and went to sit at the front door. I felt so incredibly weak, as if my legs couldn't carry me and let myself slide down the door.

Placing my head in my hands, I started counting back from six hundred, the number of seconds it would take according to my dad for them to make it back here.

_Sixty seven, sixty sis, sixty five, sixty four._

**KNOCK KNOCK**

I jumped to my feet, stumbling a little in my weakened state and pulled open the door.

There she was.

Her green eyes were wide as she took in my disheveled appearance and I smiled shyly down at her.

"Mommy, you okay?" that sweet soft voice echoed in my mind and I smiled more genuinely now, wrapping my arms around her.

"Oh baby, I missed you so much. I'm sorry I was a bad mommy. Mommy wasn't feeling well," I sniffled in her hair, inhaling it in between gasps. She smelled heavenly as usually, she smelled of daisies and apricot. I sighed contently and pulled her even closer.

"It's okay, mommy. I had fun with uncle Emmett and grandpa," she grinned up at me and I could see her eyes sparkling as her mouth opened widely and closed again.

She was getting ready to recount everything that had happened and was formulating the words to do so. I could see it in that little pensive furrow of her brow and the eagerness with which she opened and closed her mouth, as if deciding the words weren't doing the whole thing justice and she needed to rephrase once more.

I lifted her up with some effort and took her into my bedroom, not even bothering to acknowledge the rest. My focus was only on my girl, she was my last lifeline, the one thing that had always been pure, innocent and sweet in this fucked up world. I needed her.

"...and so I threw the ball at him, hitting him square on the head. On the head, mommy! Uncle Emmett fell down laughing so hard. Grandpa didn't want to play anymore after that though," she pouted a little and then looking up at me, she took a big gasping breath. "Then grandpa went inside and I played with uncle Emmie, but just as I was going to make a goal, grandpa called for me. Mommy, there was this really pretty lady and when she turned around I saw it was Esme. She said she was my grandma. Is it true mommy? Do I have a grandma and another grandpa?"

She looked at me expectantly, cocking her head to the side and awaiting my answer.

My heart clenched uncomfortably. It was true, but even so I felt a pang of regret for the Hales, for Rosalie and...Jasper.

_Fuck, he doesn't deserve my regret!_

_No one deserves my regret!_

_What have they ever done for me?_

_Leave me bruised and wounded!_

_That's what they all do!_

_But Edward IS the father. _

_And Esme IS her grandmother. _

Just as I opened my mouth to answer, Cat started talking again.

"Her hair reminded me of caramels, it always does but this time I told her! And when I told her, she told me she would make me some to eat. Isn't that nice? Oh mommy, I thought it was nice. But then again, Esme has always been nice. And she has a really sweet face. I have a sweet grandmother. Sweet!" I chuckled at the word she had learned from Rosalie and how she tried to act all teenagery while saying it, even though she had just rambled like the little girl she was.

"She showed me a picture of my daddy and I told her I had seen my real daddy before at her home. So she told me he didn't know he was my daddy. Why didn't he know, mommy? And if he's my daddy, can _daddy_ not be my daddy anymore?" I felt as if someone had just kicked me in the gut, the air escaping me in a loud whoosh.

Cat jumped up and rubbed my back, asking me if I was okay and I just nodded my head to her.

Her big green sparkling eyes bored into mine as she this time patiently awaited an answer.

"Yes, Edward is your daddy and mommy didn't tell him, because he was far, far away. As for Jasper,...he's gone, baby. He did something that hurt mommy really bad," I wasn't at all prepared to explain this to her, so I just winged it. My explanation left much to desire, but she seemed to accept it anyway. Her brow furrowed again, much like her father's when he thought about what to say or do.

"Did he hit you with the ball? Grandpa said it hurt really bad, because it was real leather," I laughed lightly at her silly question, but it died down soon enough.

"Much, much worse, munchkin," I answered, a single tear escaping me.

"Don't cry, mommy. I will always like you better than any daddy," her tiny little arms wrapped themselves around my neck as she made a shushing noise. Much like I would do whenever she was hurt and crying. I smiled against her forehead and softly pressed my lips to it, kissing her forehead.

"I love you, Catherine."

"I love you too, mommy."

I wasn't all that happy about Esme going behind my back. Surely, Edward had told her everything, when he was on one of his late night calls. Still, it wasn't right. She should have approached me first. Then again, I shouldn't have kept it from her this long.

My mind was once again running away with me, but at least I didn't want to bury myself in a hole anymore. Cat noticed my distracted state of mind and instantly started telling about a dance that was coming up for school to advert my thoughts from their current path.

She was really the most amazing little girl.

I listened with a big smile as she told me all about the kids practicing at school and the occasional little accidents that occurred.

I gasped loudly, clamping my hand in front of my mouth and chuckling with her as she told me how Lyndsey Crowly had pulled at Penny Newton's hair for being the bumblebee.

_Kids these days can be so cruel._

Then she told me how Andrea Cheney had dragged Lyndsey away, saying she could still be bumblebee next year.

That made me sigh in relief. I hadn't wanted to be either of their parents if this had turned out into a full out fist fight.

I had been so wrapped up in preschooler drama that I hadn't heard Edward coming into the room.

"Hey, I thought you girls might like some soup," he said, putting down two bowls on my night stand and shuffling back out.

"Wait!" Cat called out after him, making me look up at her in surprise.

Edward whirled around instantly, his hand rising up into his hair and dragging it slowly through the messy mop of bronze.

"Yes?" he practically whispered, keeping his eyes on his feet.

"Are you my daddy?" Cat asked bluntly, making him snap his eyes to hers. Green meeting green. It was quite unnerving.

"Yes," he whispered again.

"And you didn't know about me?" she got up to her feet, placing those tiny hands into her small waist and peering up at him.

I almost expected him to whisper 'yes' again, seemingly having lost all the rest of his vocabulary.

"No, I didn't," he agreed with her and then she did the oddest thing. Turning halfway to me, she kept looking at him from the corner of her eye and toed the floor with her foot.

"Would you like to be my daddy?" she asked softly, shyly almost.

"Yes, very much so," Edward answered, releasing a deep breath he appeared to have been holding.

"I'd like that too," Edward's shoulders released the tension and his face regained some of the color he had lost. A soft smile tugged at the corners of his mouth and then she had to ruin the moment.

"But only if you promise to buy me an ice cream every day and get me lots and lots of Barbie dolls."

"Catherine!" I scolded, making her look at me with a look that said 'What did I do, mommy?', acting all innocently.

"I was just kidding," she mumbled and then the room erupted in laughter.

Getting my girl to come home had been the best idea in three days.

_How could I have forgotten she was the light in my life?_

_Even if we should get thrown out of the house, if I lost my job and we would live without money, if I would grow old to become a lonely spinster with hundreds of cats, I would always have her._

_She was my life, my sun, my love, my child and so much more. She simply was my everything._

_

* * *

_

**She is finally letting go of her anger. **

**Oh, yes, she was angry at Edward.**

**It was the reason she turned away when he tried to kiss her.**

**It's hard needing someone, yet not wanting him there.**

**Oh enough of my rambling.**

**If you like it, leave me some love.**

**Big kisses and until next time.**

**Shirley**


	20. Chapter 20 : My Girl

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight. **

**I'm back! **

**A whole chapter of Edward, so start screaming now and let it all out, before you start reading. Fangirling, isn't it the best? I'm not an Edward girl, but I'll do my best to make him realistic and perfect for y'all. **

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**Song to accompany chapter : My girl – The Temptations**

_**I've got sunshine **_

_**on a cloudy day  
When it's cold outside, **_

_**I've got the month of May.**_

_**I guess you'd say  
What can make me feel this way  
My girl (my girl, my girl)  
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl).**_

_**I've got so much honey, **_

_**the bees envy me  
I've got a sweeter song, **_

_**than the birds in the trees**_

_**Well.. I guess you'd say  
What can make me feel this way  
My girl (my girl, my girl)  
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl)**_

_**Ooohh..Ooohh...**_

_**Hey hey hey  
Hey hey hey**_

_**Ooooh Yeah..**_

_**I don't need no money, **_

_**fortune, or fame  
I've got all the riches baby **_

_**one man can claim**_

_**Well..I guess you'd say  
What can make me feel this way  
My girl (my girl, my girl)  
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl)  
(Talking Bout My girl) (my girl)  
**_

_**I've got sunshine **_

_**on a cloudy day  
with my girl.  
I've even got the month of May  
with my girl **_

_**My Girl**_

**...**

* * *

**EPOV**

"You had no right, Mother," I spat in the phone, listening to my mother's cries on the other side and not giving a damn.

After Cat had fallen asleep, Bella had told me all about how my mother had shown up at Charlie's house unannounced. I had told her how I couldn't keep this information from my mother, but that it had never been my intention for her to take matters in her own hands like that. Bella worried that all these changes might affect Cat more profoundly than she led on, but I tried to reason with her. I told her how she had always been a strong girl, even as a child and Cat was no different. However, I did agree with her that from now on things had to be handled with care and if there were any more significant events or discussions to be had with Cat, we needed to ease her into it.

"Now, it's late and I have to work in the morning, but I'm not sure how forgiving Bella will be about all of this. Do you even understand how this could have turned out to be an utter disaster? Even involuntarily, you could have caused that girl, my girl some serious emotional distress, if not a trauma! I am not happy with you, Mother and that's all I have to say for the time being!" I hung up.

.

Sure, I could have ranted for over an hour on the possible outcomes of her actions, but she was my mother after all and she was sorry. I didn't feel the urge to hurt her even more. After all, she had always been there for me and I was grateful for having her. She was a wonderful mother. But right now, I was seething. Especially, seeing as how my daughter was involved.

_My daughter._

On one hand, it still seemed to be a foreign notion, to refer to myself as a grown man with a child. On the other, nothing had ever felt more right. Little Catherine was perfect in every way and even after having known her for such a short period of time, I knew I wanted her to regard me as her father. I could already see characteristics from both Bella and myself in her. It was strange how my chest would seem to expand and my heart swelled, whenever she smiled at me. She was lively, beautiful, sweet, funny, adorable and so much more.

And she was mine.

.

I remembered being jealous of Jasper, when I thought he was her father and now, she turned out to be mine. It filled me with an indescribable amount of pride. To have contributed to something as perfect as that little girl, made me feel as if for the first time in my life I had really accomplished something.

Screw being a doctor, screw my bank account and screw graduating cum laude. None of that mattered when it came to the true values of life; family, love and the enjoyments of life. I might not be in a perfect place yet, but Catherine was my first step in the right direction. She was a little miracle and she was my little miracle.

.

I smiled to myself as I slowly made my way back to Cat's bedroom to retrieve the bowls. Opening the door, I stopped instantly. Cat was sleeping peacefully on the bed, her right hand hanging off the bed. She was holding Bella's hand, who had fallen asleep on some pillows on the floor. Bella looked beautiful as she slept with a small smile gracing her lips. It made me wonder what she was dreaming about and I inched closer. Bending down, I brushed some hair out of her face and just looked.

Bella had always been beautiful, but age had ripened her and made her even more gorgeous. I couldn't look away. The strain in my knees told me I couldn't stay in this position much longer, so I sat down in front of her, careful not to disturb the linked hands of mother and daughter.

_Bella. _

_How I wished for you. How I've wanted you in my arms again. How I ache for you now. _

_Do you even realize? Do you see how much I still love you? _

_Oh Bella._

_.  
_

My cell rung and I scrambled to my feet quickly, rushing to get out of the room before I woke either of the pretty ladies. Grumbling to myself, I dug it out of my pocket and held it up to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Edward, it's Jane. I just called to check if you were coming in tomorrow."

_Crap, the hospital. I forgot to call them!_

After a short conversation I informed Jane that I was still sick, but mending. I informed her I'd need one more day and would be in the day after tomorrow. She never complained and just noted it down.

Although, I told my mother I'd be working, I just wanted another day with my girls, alone.

_My girls. _

It surprised me how my mind had already claimed both of them as mine. Of course, nothing could ever take my daughter away again. She was legally mine and if disputed, a simple test could proof that. But I had also called Bella my girl and that was something that wasn't a reality yet.

I would see to it that it did though. I had found her again and now that I knew she had loved me, possibly still did, nothing would ever take her away from me again. I'd see to that.

_Possessive much?_

.

I heard shuffling feet right behind me and spun around quickly. Cat was standing there, rubbing her eyes and yawning hugely.

"Is it morning yet?" she asked, blinking a couple of times when those fists stopped rubbing her eyes and she looked up at me.

"No, cutie pie. It's only midnight," I answered, bending through my knees so I was at eye level with her.

"I thought I heard the alarm," she said, furrowing her brow in confusion.

"That was my cell," I smiled sheepishly as I held up my phone for her to see.

"Oh."

.

"Can I have some coco?" she asked sweetly after standing there for a while. I nodded quickly and held out my hand for her to take, which thankfully she accepted.

Together, we walked into the kitchen. It made me euphoric, proud and hopeful; emotions I had not felt in a long time and now they were all sneaking up on me again. All because of her.

She released my hand and climbed up a stool as I heated up some milk and added some tablets of chocolate, along with some sugar.

"Fresh?" she asked incredulously, staring at the pot I was stirring.

"Of course! Only the best for my girl," I beamed as I kept on stirring. My smile grew even bigger when she beamed back at me.

.

We were both sitting at the counter, Cat with her coco while I just listened to her stories, content to have this chance to spend time with my girl.

"And then daddy...I mean, Jasper threw a pie right in his face and even got a teddy bear for it!" she looked confused for a bit after her slip up and I took her hand gently in mine.

"Cat, look at me," I urged her when she turned her face downwards to stare at the floor. When she didn't listen, I put one finger underneath her chin and slowly lifted her face. Her green eyes were striking and nearly identical to mine. I kicked myself mentally again at not figuring this out sooner.

"Cat, Jasper has been your daddy for a very long time, so I understand if it's hard for you at first. I don't want you to feel bad when you accidentally call him 'daddy', okay?" I waited for her to acknowledge what I said and as soon as she nodded, I smiled.

"And I know I'm your real daddy, but...I don't expect you to call me that, until you are completely ready, okay?" these words were a little harder to say, but I needed her to understand that I would never pressure her into anything.

"But what do I call you then?" she asked, furrowing her brow and scrunching up that cute, little face in confusion. I nearly laughed out loud at the face she was making, but thankfully, managed to keep a hold of myself.

"You can call me Edward or Eddie, which is something not many people are allowed to do. Hell, you can even call me Old Fart. Anything you like, cutie pie," Cat nearly choked on her hot chocolate as she giggled into her cup and I almost groaned out loud when I realized what I had said. I'd probably have to endure the next five years or so with the nickname Old Fart.

"And when you really think of me as a daddy and you want to call me that, then please do. It'll be the happiest day in my life," I continued, ignoring her giggling with a purpose, namely ignoring the Old Fart comment at all costs.

"Okay, Eddie!" She exclaimed happily, climbing off her stool and running into the living room. I wondered what had gotten into her and hesitantly followed after her.

"Let's watch 'The Little Mermaid', it's what daddies do," she said as she shoved a DVD into the player and came bouncing towards me with the remote.

"Baby girl, it's past midnight, you should be sleeping now," I tried, but judging from that pout and the way it was making me shift uncomfortably, I could already tell I'd end up watching Ariel and her little sea friends after all.

"But it's a daddy thing," she tried again, widening her eyes hopefully and looking up at me so innocently, I couldn't say no. And of course, there was also that pout, which made me melt into snow.

"Alright, but only one movie!" I said, giving her a stern look which she responded to by clapping her hands and bouncing over to the couch.

_Little Alice._

_God, I've really been a blind fool._

.

I sat next to her on the couch and pressed play, leaning back with one arm over the arm rest and settling in for the night. After the second song, Cat scooted closer to me and put her little curly head on my chest. I didn't dare to breath, speak or do anything as I sat rigidly on that couch with my heart practically beating out of my chest. I thought I was going to pass out from the little gasps of breath I took at time in my attempt to disturb Cat as little as possible.

Three minutes later, little snores and mumbles reached my ears and I put my arm around her little body, hugging her tighter to me.

_My girl._

_And what a dream she turned out to be._

_

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_

**Wasn't that the cutest thing ever?**

**Anyway, leave me some love!**

**And I would also like to ask y'all a big favor.**

**Three of my one shots have been nominated in the Single Shot Awards.**

**Would you please vote for me on http:/thesingleshotawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com/p/voting(dot)html**

**Out of the ruins – Best Tragedy/Angst**

**The Letter – Best Alternate Universe All Human**

**Dear One – Best Volturi**

**Thank you so much!**

**Love,**

**Shirley**


	21. Chapter 21 : Watching

**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight. **

**A big thank you to everyone that voted for me in the Single Shot Awards. I'm absolutely stunned and honored at winning two Awards. **

**Now I want to apologize, because I'm having another one of those infamous Writer's Blocks. **

**I've been trying to get out of this funk by writing one shots, but so far no luck. **

**I'm forcing it now and I just hope it will come out right. **

**This has been written in bits and pieces, sometimes even a single sentence. -headdesk- WB really sucks. I hope it won't be too horrible. Let's find out. **

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**Song to accompany this chapter : I stay away – Alice in Chains**

_**Yeah, hey, I want to travel south this year  
I won't, won't prevent safe passage here**_

_**Why you act crazy?  
Not an act maybe  
So close a lady  
Shifty eyes, shady**_

_**Yeah, hey Yeah, tears that soak a callous heart**_

_**Why you act frightened?  
I am enlightened  
Your weakness builds me, so someday you'll see**_

_**I stay away**_

_**Why you act crazy?  
Not an act maybe  
So close a lady  
Shifty eyes, shady**_

_**I stay away, I stay away, I stay away, I stay away**_

_**

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**_

**Alice's Point of View**

I had stayed in Forks just long enough to see Bella turn Jasper away. If I knew him he would not leave it there. He would try to get her back. _Who in his right mind wouldn't?_ Bella was the rarest of gems. A beauty true and pure. No one could ever compare to her. I had to make sure Jasper wouldn't get the chance.

Of course, the cops looking for me made it hard to do anything near Forks, so I traveled down to Houston. Surely, Jasper would go back to his roots to wallow in his misery, until he would see nothing helped him get over the Goddess that was Bella.

If I could intercept him before he returned to Forks, I would finally succeed in my mission. Getting Bella had been the main focus but all these road blocks would just keep popping up. First it was Edward, then Cat and finally Jasper.

My brother was the easiest to fool and I'm sure the issues they both had with the past, would make it impossible for them to progress their mutual attraction. Cat, she wasn't as much a hindrance as more a nuisance, but for Bella I would put up with her. Jasper, now that name made my blood boil. He just appeared out of nowhere and managed to win her heart in no time at all. The wounds between them were fresh and inflicted by me. If they ever learned about my schemes, they might even overlook it and end up back together.

I could not let that happen. I'd get rid of Jasper Hale once and for all. Once, I accomplished that, I could figure out how to approach Bella. She just had to understand. She would understand. I'd make her understand.

I stopped the car I had bought second hand and grabbed my binoculars. From this spot, I had an excellent view on the Hale place and I could see the front door as well as the living room. I grabbed my Caramel Frappuccino and kicked back for another day of Hale-gazing.

**Jasper's Point of View**

I had gotten a disturbing call from my mother, where she practically begged me to come home. I could hear she was frightened for some reason and knowing my father, he didn't ease her worries one bit. He had always been a selfish bastard.

Anger coursed through me as I drove into my hometown;

If the bastard had done something to my mother, I was going to kill him. He had been a real brute when I grew up and I didn't have any sympathies for the man. In fact, I despised him. Seeing him with Cat - when I was still with Bella - had always hurt me beyond belief. Because with her, he was different. He cared. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I kept fearing he would show his true colors and be violent or belittling. I couldn't allow that, which is why I tried to keep her away from him as much as possible. Well, I wouldn't have to worry about that anymore, now that Bella had left me.

Sighing, I clenched my hands tighter around the steering wheel. _Bella. _I missed her so much. My entire being cried out for her, but I couldn't face her. I knew Bella like no one else did, and when she made a decision, she stuck to it. She had broken up with me and there was no way in hell, I was ever going to win her back. Some colleagues at work had told me to just get over myself. They told me the time had come to look at the practical side of things, like the house and Cat. But I wasn't ready for any of that. In fact, I just didn't want to deal with any of it,...ever. If I'd see her, I would crumble. It was a given.

She could keep the house, if she wanted. She could keep the furniture and half the money on our joint account. Even all of it, if she wished. The only thing I prayed for, was that she wouldn't keep Cat away from me. I loved the little munchkin. I had come to love her like my own and considered her an extension of my soul.

Tears stung my eyes at the thought of my little princess, and I pulled the car over to the side of the road. Closing my eyes against the onslaught of emotions which threatened to pull me under, I focused on my breathing.

**Alice's point of view**

A car came into view and I turned my binoculars to try and make out the driver. While adjusting to the distance, the car pulled over to the side and just stopped. I shook my head, knowing it wasn't Jasper, because if it were, he would have come closer instead of parking six houses over.

My eyes drifted back to the house I was monitoring, and I grimaced at the pathetic couple that was still hiding out in their living room. Ever since I arrived her a couple of days back, no one had entered or left the house. It was almost like they knew I was here.

I took the bag of potato chips out of the glove compartment, because it was highly unlikely that anything was going to happen anyway. Reaching underneath my seat, I pulled out a bottle of Diet Coke, before sitting back up.

I dropped the bottle at the sight of Jasper ushering his mother out of the house and growled viciously, "Fuck that! You're not leaving, cocksucker!"

Throwing my bag of potato chips on the passenger seat, I reached behind me for the shotgun I had bought in a nearby pawn shop. I wouldn't let him get away from me this time and if those old buggers messed with me, they'd get some lead shot in their asses as well.

The time had come to put an end to all of this. If I did this right, I'd have Bella in my arms soon enough. Determined to finish this for once and for all, I aimed at his head. Unfortunately I wasn't in the best position and I missed. As the bullet ricocheted from the pillar next to Jasper, he instantly ducked his head and pushed his mother back inside. _You can run, but you can't hide, you piece of shit. _

I pushed open my car door and got out, aiming my shotgun for him once more. Maybe shooting through the open window hadn't been the brightest idea, but from this range, and more importantly, angle, I was sure I wouldn't miss. All those self-defense lessons Charlie taught us over the years, including handling guns, came in handy when the time called for it.

Peering through he visor, I could see Jasper's back as he tried to duck inside and out of range. I squeezed the trigger and smiled brightly, when I could hear a loud yelp.

Looking up, I felt satisfaction course through me at the sight of Jasper clutching his shoulder. Although, that was short lived as the door slammed to a close behind him. I hadn't fatally wounded him yet and he was already out of my sight. Frustrated with my own stupidity, I yelled, "Fuck!"

**Jasper's point of view**

It was the devil-pixie. I saw her with my own two eyes as she got out of the car. I hadn't been fast enough and she hit me in the shoulder, but I wasn't going to let the bitch get me.

"Border up the windows," I barked at my father, who looked a little shell-shocked by the attack.

"Lock all the doors," was my next order. This time it was directed at my mother. She nodded once and went to work. Running towards the kitchen, I looked around quickly and in lack of anything better, just tore the dish rag to shreds. Using it to bind the wound, I was surprised at how quickly the fabric was soaked through with my blood. I pressed down hard upon the wound to stop the bleeding, but it apparently wasn't as easy as in the movies, because it didn't stop for a long time.

A loud banging on the back door, startled my mother and she screamed, making me jump as well.

"Let me in, cocksucker! You know you can't keep me out!" Alice's high pitched voice screeched from just outside the door. I grabbed the phone from the wall and dialed 911, sighing in relief as the dial tone sounded. "911, what's your emergency?"

I told the woman that there was a mad woman by the name of Alice Cullen trying to get in. Mentioning the fact that she was carrying a shotgun, I held onto the counter as the banging become more insistent. The woman asked for our address and I could have kicked myself for not thinking about it sooner. Rambling it off quickly, I listened to her soothing voice as she told me to calm everyone down and that someone would be there in ten minutes.

I ushered my parents upstairs and into the last bedroom, locking the door behind us.

"Help me," I said to my father, as I started to push furniture in front of the door. The loud gunshot sounding from downstairs only temporarily paralyzed me, but I quickly snapped out of it.

The door slammed below us, alerting us to the fact that she had made it inside the house. I pressed a finger to my lips, warning my parents to keep silent.

I could feel my heart thumping in my throat, and my stomach was in knots. Still, I managed to keep up a calm facade, which seemed to set my parents on ease, if only slightly. Glancing down at my watch, I noted that four minutes had passed since the 911-call and they should be here within the next six minutes.

Releasing my breathe with a heavy sigh, I sat down on the bed. The bed creaked noisily and I winced. I didn't know where the psycho-bitch was, but if she was somewhere in this corridor, she would have heard the unfortunate sound.

The blast of another gunshot made my mother scream in terror, and my father rushed to take a hold of her. He whispered soft words into her ear, which I couldn't hear. All the while, my gaze was locked upon the door.

I could hear her outraged screams as she kicked at the door, but it didn't open. The lock was blasted to smithereens, but the furniture was still in place. I looked at the clock above the door and whispered, "Three more minutes."

Everything grew quiet. It was an eery silence that stretched all around us, and I could feel the hairs in the back of my neck stand at end. Something wasn't right. She wouldn't give up that easily.

No sooner had the thought entered my mind, or my mother screams pierced through the silence. I turned towards her, only to see Alice's face outside at the window. She had somehow gotten upon the ledge and was standing right there. My heartbeat sped up impossibly more and my breathing grew heavier in response. My parents ran to the other side of the room, pressing their backs against it, as if the wall would somehow swallow them whole and protect them from this deranged lunatic.

I didn't move though. My eyes were fixed upon her face. She was smiling at me, showing off all her teeth as her lips curled up all the way. She looked every bit as deranged as she acted. Her eyes were dark and wild, and there was a spark in them I had never seen before. It looked strikingly like victory. She was already sure she had won this fight. I didn't give anything away, as I stared blankly back at her.

I desperately wanted to know the time, but wouldn't give up. She was playing a game of power by keeping my eyes locked with hers this way. Softly I whispered, "How much longer?"

"They should have been here by now," my mother's shaky voice replied, and I cursed those bastards for not showing up on time. It was obvious that time was something we couldn't afford.

With the butt of her gun, she broke the glass and entered the room. There was a sway to her hips as she strolled closer to me. Feeling disgusted with this foul creature, I allowed her to press herself against me. "Did you miss me, lover?" she purred, batting her eyelashes at me. _What the hell is she playing at._ Knowing I was dead anyway, I answered her truthfully, "Not for a single second, you whore."

Before she could answer, the sounds of sirens startled her. She glanced between me and the window frantically, visibly doubting her next move. _Would she kill me first or would she just make her escape? _I knew what she was going to do, before she made her move and pushed her down on the ground. Bending over to pull the shotgun out of her hands, a deafening sound reverberated throughout the room. She had pulled the trigger.

My hands released the grip I had on the barrel and moved to my stomach instinctively. Falling to my knees, I could feel the searing pain rip through my body. She had shot me. The bitch actually shot me. My mother's screams were the last thing I heard, as darkness claimed me.

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**Tell me your thoughts. **

**Love, **

**Shirley**


	22. Chapter 22 : Alone

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. But the idea is all mine. ** **I was going to write a Bella/Edward chapter, but I know y'all are waiting to find out what happened to Jasper and whether or not he died. So I decided to make it a mixture of all. It will have some B/E, but I'll also cover Alice and Jasper. Isn't that sweet? **

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**Song to accompany this chapter: Alone – Heart** __

_**I hear the ticking of the clock  
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark  
I wonder where you are tonight  
No answer on the telephone  
And the night goes by so very slow  
Oh I hope that it won't end though  
Alone**_

_**Till now I always got by on my own  
I never really cared until I met you  
And now it chills me to the bone  
How do I get you alone  
How do I get you alone**_ __

_**You don't know how long i have wanted  
to touch your lips and hold you tight  
You don't know how long I have waited  
and I was going to tell you tonight  
But the secret is still my own  
and my love for you is still unknown  
Alone**_ __

_**Till now I always got by on my own  
I never really cared until I met you  
And now it chills me to the bone  
How do I get you alone  
How do I get you alone**_

_****_ _**How do I get you alone  
How do I get you alone  
Alone, alone **_

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**Alice's point of view**

I heard the sirens, before I saw the lights. They surprised me, since I hadn't even thought about the possibility that one of them had called the cops. In the small second it took me to reflect on what to do, Jasper attacked me. He pushed me down to the ground and then hovered above me. He grabbed the barrel of my gun and struggled to get it out of my hands. It was pivotal for my survival that I got rid of Jasper. But even if that wasn't the case, I wasn't going to leave without spilling his blood. With his weight above me, I knew I'd never be able to make it out of here. So I did the first and last thing that came to mind; I squeezed the trigger. Instantly, he let go of the gun and clutched his bleeding stomach.

I watched him as he briefly looked at me in disbelief. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, before he fell to the ground with a heavy thud. His mother's screams pierced the silence and I flinched at the sound.

Grimacing, I aimed my gun at her and spat, "Shut the fuck up." Jasper's father moved to stand in front of his wife. The protective gesture made me chuckle, because I hadn't noticed a single sign of a backbone all night and now he was going to act like some big hero. I was about ready to pop both of them, when the door burst open and an intervention team came bustling through the door.

"Fuck!" I turned, determined to crawl back out that window and make a run for it. I couldn't though, because as soon as the thought crossed my mind, I was tackled to the ground. The cop holding me down, tugged both my arms back and cuffed me. I was screwed. They caught me hot-handed, so there'd be no chance of getting out. Closing my eyes, I tried to dispel the angsty thoughts about living out the rest of my life in a cell, alone. 

**Jasper's point of view**

I woke up in the hospital. In my groggy state, I didn't notice much, except for the emptiness of the room. There were no flowers, no visitors, no cards or anything. I was alone. I might not have expected a big turn-out, but not this...never this. I had thought that at least my parents would have shown up after I got shot saving all of our lives. Even with the mind numbing substance flowing through my veins, I could feel the loneliness creep up on me, and I felt weaker than I had ever before.

Blinking away the tears, I stared at the ceiling. It wasn't flawlessly white as I had expected, instead there were gray and yellow spots here and there. It made it less clinical, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't look away from the imperfections. Maybe I was like that...stained and imperfect.

With a sigh, I closed my eyes and let the drugs take it effect, as they carried me off into a blissful state of unconsciousness. Alone. 

**Bella's point of view**

Edward had to go back to work; there was simply no way he could postpone it any further. I had told him I'd be fine, and he should just stop worrying. But after sitting three hours in silence, staring at the door, I found that I wasn't fine. Not even close. Cat had gone to school, leaving nothing behind but peace and quiet.

Normally, I would have enjoyed a day like this. No running to work, no hassle, just enjoying a little me-time. But now it was overwhelming. The silence was deafening and screamed into my ears, telling me to get off my ass and do something. Anything would do, as long as it took my mind off Edward, Cat and the loneliness I was feeling.

To be honest, I had never felt this lonely before in my life and it was disconcerting how Edward already had a hold on me. I had never thought he could weasle his way into my heart this easily after everything that happened. Yet, he did. After being around him every waking minute these past days, I just couldn't 'be' alone. It was the oddest thing and something I had never experienced before. Not living with my father, not with Jasper, never.

Shifting uncomfortably on the couch for the millionth time, I finally willed myself to get up and headed for the fridge. I wasn't hungry, but it would give me something to do, so I grabbed some eggs, some vegetables, butter and milk, and started to make the biggest omelet I had ever seen.

I had just poured the mixture in the pan, when my cell rang. I didn't know who it was, but something told me it might be Edward and so I ran to grab it from the dining room table. I even stumbled a couple of times in my haste, and by the time I reached it, I was so out of breathe, I had to put my hand to my chest and just focus for several seconds. I had already pushed the 'call' button, but wasn't listening.

Trying to ease my breathing seemed to be more of a challenge than I thought, and I refused to talk to someone sounding like some creepy stalker guy who likes to call women up at night to breathe into the phone. Having finally composed myself, I lifted my cell to my ear and said, "Hello?"

Regrettably, I was met with silence only and so I looked down at my screen to see that whoever it was had hung up already. I scrolled to my received calls and pouted at the sight of Edward's name. Calling back, I frowned when it went straight to voice mail and chucked my cell onto the couch, before heading back to my omelet. The ache from before only had grown and I wanted to see Edward so badly it nearly drove me out of my mind.

Glancing at the pan, I grimaced and turned off the stove. I wasn't in the mood for an omelet anymore. Grabbing the pan, I hovered it over the garbage bin, where I tilted it and let the big egg slide into it. I just needed some company. This odd feeling would leave if I had someone here with me. Rushing back to the living room, I took a hold of my phone and started dialing, only to stop after the fourth number. I had unconsciously started to dial Alice's number.

Shaking my head, I tried to think of who I could call, since I had always turned to Alice and Rosalie for some girls time. I couldn't call them for obvious reasons. Sighing, I plopped down at the couch and mindlessly scrolled through my phone, passing by names I hadn't spoken to in years, or people that I really wasn't that close to. One number stood out though, and even though it had been over five years since I last spoke to her, I pressed 'call' anyway.

My nerves grew as the phone rang on the other side, but I fought against the urge to hang up. I hadn't been fair to her, cutting her out of my life without a valid reason. Surely, she must have heard what happened to me afterwards, but at the time I was too ashamed to reach out to her. "You have reached the phone of," the woman's voice said, before her voice came through. "Angela Weber." The woman's voice picked up right there with the rest of the message, but I didn't need to hear it, so I hung up. _Typical._

I threw my phone down and laid down on the couch. I tried hard to just block everything out, but the clicking of the clock was starting to annoy me. The hum of an engine outside made me grind my teeth and the thought of Edward made me irrationally nervous. _What the fuck's wrong with me?_

My thoughts turned to the call earlier and I wondered why he had hung up on me. And the fact that he had shut his phone off right after troubled me too. _Bella, he probably had some emergency to deal with. Calm down._ I hid my face deeper into the pillow, seeking comfort and reassurance.

A foolish idea came to me then, and despite everything that told me I shouldn't do such a thing, I went with it. I had never felt so desperate to see someone, and maybe I went a little crazy. Or just maybe I had gotten used to the victim part, because it gave me what I needed...His attention.

Running to the kitchen, I grabbed a knife and sliced into my own hand. I wrapped a dish towel around it and ran out to my car, revving the engine as if my life depended on getting there faster and drove to the hospital. I could only use one hand which made it a little harder, but I still made it in record time.

Entering the hospital's emergency room, I looked around at the numerous patients waiting and the bored girl at the desk. This had been such a bad idea, but I couldn't back down now. No matter how much I wanted to hightail it out of there and act like this burst of insanity didn't happen to me, I couldn't, because I still had a deep cut in my hand that required stitches.

I approached the desk like a jittery little kitten that was just shy of cowering in a corner. "Hello, I'm Bella Swan. Could you page Dr. Cullen, please?" The woman sniffed in distaste and thrust out a form. "Fill this out, and then take a seat. A doctor will come to see you shortly." I deflated, but forced myself to speak up to this bitch, "Edward wouldn't appreciate me waiting around here all night without his knowledge. So could you page him now, 'please'?"

It wasn't a question and the girl looked up at me with raised brow, before giving me the once over. Reluctantly, she picked up a phone and dialed, "Yes, Zafrina here. There's a Bella Swan asking for you, doctor." Her eyes were wide with surprise as she stared down at the phone in her hand and shook her head visibly.

"He hung up, sug'. Now fill out the form and take a-" she didn't get to finish her sentence, because all of the sudden Edward appeared next to her. He was breathing hard as if he had ran the entire way, and his eyes were frantically looking me over, lingering on my towel wrapped hand. "What happened?" he asked, studiously ignoring the woman as he moved from around the desk and took a hold of my hand. "Oh you know me...Cooking accident."

"Bella, Bella," he tsk'ed, a little smile on his face. "You really should be more careful when you try to do...well, anything." He was just poking fun at me, but I was so entranced by him that I nearly missed it and quickly tried to cover it up by forcing out an awkward laugh. Edward looked up at my face in confusion and took my arm.

Guiding me through the hall, he stopped at the first open sliding door and led me inside an examination room. I stared at him openly; his white coat and disheveled hair truly adding to his sex-appeal. I berated myself mentally, because I shouldn't be going down this road again, but I couldn't stop myself. I had missed him, and today proved how much I needed him. _Him_, the changed Edward and not the old version.

With gentle hands, he cleaned out my cut with disinfectant, making me wince a little at the sting. "Sorry," he apologized, grimacing at the depth of the cut. "You'll need stitches."

"Yes, doctor." I don't know why I said it, because this was Edward after all, but the dark look he gave me, told me that I had done 'something' right. He adverted his eyes and focused back on my hand as if he was trying to hide his reaction to me.

I wasn't going to stand for it and leaned forward, only to stop when I felt a little prick. _What the... Oh, the stitches._

Edward had just given me something to numb my hand, and was now stitching up the cut expertly. Despite my many visits to the hospital, I never had a doctor fantasy, but as Edward worked on me, I couldn't stop the images that went through my mind. Only when he released my hand, did I come back to a reality where I hadn't been violated on this very examination table.

He was writing a prescription and I knew he was about to start off a lengthy speech on how to take care of my hand. _Hell, why can't he just bend me over this table and whip out that...Oh man, I can still see it. It was big, thick and..._

"Edward," I moaned involuntarily. I had hoped to stop him from giving me the boring doctor talk, but I sure as hell hasn't expected myself to moan. _That's what you get for picturing your doctor's cock while in the ER. _

His darkened eyes met mine, but he didn't move. I slid off the examination table and took two steps forward, stopping when our chests were nearly touching. Looking up at him, I smiled softly and pressed a gentle, chaste kiss to his lips. As I pulled back, I had to smile at the confusion on his face, and whispered, "I missed you."

His mouth came crashing upon mine without warning and I moaned, which seemed to urge him on. Opening his mouth, he slowly ran his tongue across my bottom lip and urged me to open up for him. Electricity was all around us and inside of me, so familiar seeing as how it was the same spark we always had seemed to share.

His needy groan made me more confident and I tangled my hands in his hair, telling him not to stop. I didn't want him to ever stop kissing me. He turned us over and pressed me up against the wall as he devoured my mouth with such raw desire it made me tingle all over.

This was what I had needed all along. And now, all I could do was hope that it wouldn't end. I didn't think I could survive the heartache a second time.

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